Hello All,

I'm currently taking Paxil 10mg and Wellbutrin XL 150mg, and Atenolol for Blood Pressure and Palpitations (anxiety related) with .5mg Xanax PRN as needed.

I've been thinking that I've been "O.K." for a little bit on this dose but I am starting to think that this is not true.

I've been on a spiritual journey now for quite some time...in fact I would say that probably a good 50% or more of my underlying anxiety is my concern over my soul and where I am going after death. It is this preoccupation with the eternal that makes these panic attacks seem so strong as I have an extreme fear of death and the unknown associated with it.

I'm finding lately that I am considering a few different religions...but the thing I'm worried about is because I am so anxious I feel that I am in a vulnerable mental state. My fear is that I will join some religion (in my case the closest one trying to 'convert me' is the Mormons) just for the sake of trying to find some peace.

I don't believe in a strict religion...I don't want to live that way...but...in my darkest moments I just want peace and sometimes I think I'm willing to sacrifice what I want just for the sake of finding peace.

I'm seriously considering calling my psychiatrist (I've only had one for a month) and asking for a med change or having my current meds greatly elevated.

I've become mentally exhausted...trying so very hard to find peace through religion or scripture. My problem is, is that in my heart of hearts...I just cannot believe that there is only "One" church that is 100% "Correct" and the other churches are all wrong. I just don't believe that!

I think that if my mind was settled down...and I was not so depressed I would have some peace and have time to make positive changes in my life and to grow from this.

Can anyone relate? Do you see something in what I'm saying that you think gives some credibility to my need for increased medication?

The biggest tip off to me that I might need to increase my dose...is a few times after being so exhausted and living so stressed, even though I was not having a "panic attack" per se I have taken a .5mg of Xanax and I would finally feel relaxed...I would finally be at peace...it is such a nice feeling...to finally feel like my mind and body are rested. I think I have lived in such a high anxious state for so long that it has become normal to me and when I take a Xanax I actually feel "good" again.

I just do not want to become addicted to Xanax...I would much rather take something non addictive and help numb or suppress my anxiety while I make positive life changes. Positive life changes that "I" want to make....not religious ones that I feel I "must" do for the sake of temporary "peace".

I know what you mean.. Yesterday I took my first Xanax after an attack. I was so calm, I literally thought "Wow. So this must be how everyone else feels.." But, I don't want the addiction, so I'm laying off until emergencies.

I think that, maybe medication isn't the way to go, but possibly therapy? Maybe someone can talk you through it, though if not, they'll reference you back to a psychiatrist.

As an agnostic myself, I can see why it would be troubling why you feel like you need religion, instead of sticking to your guns.

I know what you mean, jorsen- I'm very anti-organized religion in my good moments, but in the throes of an attack, I might be able to believe anything if only it could make the anxiety stop! I also agree with the idea that there's no way any single church or religion can be "right" or "worng". I recommend a book called "Conversations With God" by Neale Donald Walsch. I read it during a time when I was having a constant attack for 3 months (!) and it really helped me understand inner peace as it relates to God and the universe. This was also during my two disastrous medication attempts, and the book helped despite the fact that I could not take the meds.

I'm trying the therapy in conjunction with meds route, myself.

I can certainly relate. Indeed, in a way it is reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who frets about such things. I suspect that the part of the panic/anxiety makeup that leads us to construe benign medical matters as catastrophic life-threatening conditions also tends to put us more in touch with facing our own mortality than people who do not have the same issues. IOW, if you think you are going to die, you think more about dying. Or something like that.

Without delving too much into the philosophical, this, to me, is one of the curses of self-awareness. Because we are aware of our own existence and experience the world through our own perceptions, we cannot imagine ourselves not being in it. It is, quite literally, inconceivable. A strange paradox that probably has fueled our quest for spirituality for eons.

I would guess (although we obviously do not know) that most other animals do not fear death in the same way we do because they are not conscious of life other than just being. Sure, they have survival instincts and all that, but I just can't see the average house cat staying awake at night wondering what happens when he or she passes on. And yet we (or at least I) do. Sad.

That being said, I don't have any answers. Yes, I know, you read all this way and I can't answer the question?! I struggle with this myself and am looking for useful resources as well. Medications can be of assistance, and they certainly have gotten me through some tough episodes, but they are not the answer when it comes to finding your own peace.