Tuesday, 11 November 2008 |
I am a 24 yr old single mother to a beautiful little girl.Since late February early March, I have been suffering from Anxiety. I remember the night it started. I was driving home at night from college classes. My drive home exceded 30 miles. For some reason I developed an acute fear of being in a car accident and dying. I prayed and prayed that God let me get home to my little girl who was 5 months at the time. I remember being so scared that my stomach was in knots and I nearly pulled over because I thought I was going to be sick. The problem got worse so I went to my MD in tears.He prescribed me Paxil which did help after a few days suprisingly but for some reason I am terrible about remembering to take my medicines which I later found out , while doing a research paper on anxiety disorder, that difficulty remembering is linked to Anxiety Disorders. I sometimes go through periods where the problem is not that bad, but there are days like I have had the past few weeks when I nearly go into "shut down" mode just driving across town ( which is about 12 miles for the town I live in). I know that these fears are not logical. I mean, I know everyone is going to die someday and that there's no stopping that. I mainly fear dying of a horrible death. ( I think being a paramedic has exposed me to the negative side of death.) I try to be very devoted to God. As a matter of fact the only thing that gets me through driving long distances is just talking to God as if he were sitting right next to me. In my beleif we should not fear death but see death as a joyous event because one is going on to be with God. I do look forward to being with God in Heaven but sometimes the fear that has been instilled in me over powers my love for God ( which I feel very wrong for saying this). I know that part of it has to do with being a mother. I fear of what will happen with my daughter if I should pass especially since she does not have a father. I have learned that a routine exercise regiment helps and it did but now that I am in nursing school , I'm lucky tohave time to sleep. *L* I would like to be able to sit down for psychotherapy but I feel like this is a matter that should involve a therapist with the same religious beliefs as I have and around here that is very very rare, not to mention it's extremely expensive around here and I do not have insurance to cover it. I joined this community in hopes to find someone that I can share my experiences with Anxiety and hope to help someone else as well as possibly receive help from those that have recovered from it.
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