lately I have been getting out of my box..putting myself out there. giving the world a chance. because the world hurt me before a million times. for the longest time i was isolating myself from being hurt..from feeling..or for whatever.
lexapro made me numb as hell. and i loved it. i loved the feeling of not caring and just being there and not flinching. lexapro gave me that feeling which was heaven. it made me so numb that i couldn't feel anything anymore.
after 2 years on lexapro, I had to switch to cymbalta. Lexapro had complicated things for my bleeding problem/etc. so I had to swtich to cymmbalta.
thank god no bad effects on cymbalta..ive been on it for a year or almost..and i am 100% ok i guess..no attacks, no anxiety, my depression sort of faded.
a month ago..went out of my comfort zone finally. the dark days were behind me...but i got burned 2 or 3x. i got disappointed. but i forgot how it felt to be depressed. i know i am headed back there from the incidents that have been happening these past weeks..i gave people a chance to prove myself wrong on my perspective..but i got my answer today. and i won. i was right.
i waiting for the fall. but nothing. which is annoying me because i would rather feel pain like before.
im really hating cymbalta now.
do i make sense?