I feel like I swear, literal waves of panic have been coming over me for the past 2 days. I have had a hard time sleeping over this & just can't seem to kick my arse in gear. ugh! I had a strong panic over my eye disease then another tonight over the vastness of the universe. I'm panicing myself silly. Gosh, if I could just get a life! Wouldn't that be great? Hopefully soon I can get back on my feet. It seems during these 2 days as if the universe has wanted me to embrace all my fears at once. I'm sry, but I need time! I can't just expect to embrace all my fears at once. Otherwize I become extremely imobile. I like feeling tired because it does slow down my body & makes it less capable to panic. Good for me I found yet another coping technique amongst the many that I know, but that don't always work. I am sooo happy I am even able to vent tonight. I feel it is life saving to just say what's going on in my head. One day I will be stable, serene & happy. Until then I am overcoming these obstacles. All I need is luck, luck and more luck!
Gosh, writing things down really does help. I breast be off to bed now though! I have stayed up since 4am. That's when you know I've had a tough night full of panic & anxiety. My brain is luckily shutting down some, so it's harder to think & therefore worry about things that aren't important, so hopefully I will get good rest tonight. We'll see.
I was thinking of commiting suicide because of being soooo frustrated with the fact that I have these panics all too often & I'm sick of living with this disorder because it's not living at all, so might as well die right? No! I'm going to work soooo hard, as much as I can, doing my best to overcome.