I feel like I swear, literal waves of panic have been coming over me for the past 2 days. I have had a hard time sleeping over this & just can't seem to kick my arse in gear. ugh! I had a strong panic over my eye disease then another tonight over the vastness of the universe. I'm panicing myself silly. Gosh, if I could just get a life! Wouldn't that be great? Hopefully soon I can get back on my feet. It seems during these 2 days as if the universe has wanted me to embrace all my fears at once. I'm sry, but I need time! I can't just expect to embrace all my fears at once. Otherwize I become extremely imobile. I like feeling tired because it does slow down my body & makes it less capable to panic. Good for me I found yet another coping technique amongst the many that I know, but that don't always work. I am sooo happy I am even able to vent tonight. I feel it is life saving to just say what's going on in my head. One day I will be stable, serene & happy. Until then I am overcoming these obstacles. All I need is luck, luck and more luck!
Gosh, writing things down really does help. I breast be off to bed now though! I have stayed up since 4am. That's when you know I've had a tough night full of panic & anxiety. My brain is luckily shutting down some, so it's harder to think & therefore worry about things that aren't important, so hopefully I will get good rest tonight. We'll see.
I was thinking of commiting suicide because of being soooo frustrated with the fact that I have these panics all too often & I'm sick of living with this disorder because it's not living at all, so might as well die right? No! I'm going to work soooo hard, as much as I can, doing my best to overcome.
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Loves October
said:
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... Forgive me, but I write on some many people's posts, I don't know if you are receiving professional help. I also don't know if you've had time to read about PD and really understand how to deal with it. I was you 23 years ago this month. I didn't want to die, but I felt I would've welcomed it because anything sounded better than having constant panic attacks for the rest of my life. Then, a funny thing happened. I got help. I was put on life-altering medicine. I finished school. I met my husband. I worked until I had my first child. Now, did I have trouble in college? Yes. But, I had a wonderful professor who allowed me to tape-record lectures when I had trouble. I had a friend who would pick up the tape recorder. And I graduated. I worked for two years. In the end, I had a stressful boss who came in late in my time there. She stressed me out and I quit. I got married and within 4 months of quitting my old job, my husband and I moved 10 hours away and I found a great new job with a wonderful and supportive boss. I only quit when I was pregnant and too nauseous to work. You see, I couldn't have pictured my job, my husband, my kids. New friends I've met in the last 22 years who love me. I'm glad I'm still here. You need to stick around, too :) I believe you said you're not a particularly religious person. I hope you don't mind if I pray for you. |
MissJennifers
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... I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know how it feels and wish I could just give you a huge hug. You took the words right out of my mouth about feeling like you aren't living. But, we gotta hold on right? There will be a light at the end of this tunnel. You're not alone. I'm so proud to see that you are going to keep working at this. Don't let it beat you!!! Kick it's butt!!!!! |
