Panic Survivor Members Blog

The top ten reasons I need to see a therapist, in addition to taking medications.

Just kidding , I would never burden you with all ten at once. Those of you who know me, know I can ramble at times. If I wrote all ten, I imagine you would be reading for days.  I guess that's what happens when a normally outgoing, talk to every stranger she meets, person suddenly becomes agoraphobic. All the talking has to escape somewhere..........most of the time it ends up here.

I'll settle for the #One Reason that I've now recognized that I'll never get better without talking to a therapist.

 #One:IBS                                                                                                                                  

 I know this is kind of a touchy subject because it may be TMI for some. I just had to blog about it though because I can't seem to beat it no matter how hard I try. Meds don't work, changing eating habits doesn't work, not eating doesn't work............my anxiety/panic that I've been able to contain eventually shows up in my stomach. I feel like my body knows the one place that I can't fight and zeros in there.

The last few weeks I've been pretty depressed, but I  have upped the antidepressants and am waiting to see if they help more. The xanax has helped me control panic/anxiety a lot. Over Thanksgiving, my Aunt was told her MRI showed an inoperable brain tumor.  My cousins fell apart. I went right back into my usual perfect child/mom/wife/friend mode. I was on the phone with them most of the day. I managed to calm them all down and convince them they would be strong when they needed to be. They listened and they were. They ended up in a different hospital with a new doctor - she had the biopsy (the only way a doctor could ever be certain it was cancer). They don't have results yet - but doctor feels that not only is it operable, but is not cancer. She is at home recovering from biopsy & waiting for results. I managed to have no attacks at all during this ordeal. The meds did a great job of masking them ( they were just hidden, not gone).

On the Friday after Thanksgiving my daughter, who was visiting fro Kansas with her husband) was going shopping and then coming over to our house for dinner. I got a phone call from her instead, she told me their puppy had just been run over and they were in the animal ER.  After several hours of waiting to see if he was going to make it, she called back. He was okay, except one leg was badly broken. They were going to take him home to Kansas and have surgery done there. He had surgery and is doing okay. One more time, I stuffed the panic/anxiety down (with the help of meds) and didn't panic or cry.

Monday I made it through Dr. appointment and Walmart with no panic. Tuesday, I cleaned like a madwoman and even cooked a yummy cold weather dinner, pot roast.  Seemed like I made it through lots of stress without just some very minor panic.  Wrong again. My tummy started rumbling late that night. I knew I was in trouble. My panic had found its hiding place and was now going to let me know it was there. By three or four am, I was running to the bathroom. I really thought the pain was so bad that I would have to go to ER, but I didn't want to wake my family up. I eventually made it through to a liveable point, but fainted the minute I started back to bed. I ended up on the bathroom floor for 3 1/2 hours. Today is the first day since Tuesday, I've been able to take a shower and be up and about.

It seems like not matter what I do eventually the IBS finds a way to attack me and make my life unbearable. I never know when it is suddenly going to appear. I can't leave the house - if I get IBS cramps while I am out - I won't be able to drive. There is no way I will go into the filthy restrooms in most stores. So I am stuck at home where I know I can be alone.

I am praying I can find a therapist who will help me find a way to get rid of the panic (not just mask it), so I won't keep having IBS at any time.

I would love to hear from others with this problem. Is there a way I will be able to deal with this pain? How do you deal with it? Just the thought of having the pain I had this last time has me scared to death. I don't know if I can handle this any longer - of course I am now having panic attacks at the thought of having another IBS attack. 

Thanks to all for listening.