I hope everyone is doing well!
My title says "starting to re-organize" because I have known for a while that most of my anxiety comes from the constant chaos and disorganization of my life. Even though I have known what needs to be done, I lack the motivation or I just don't feel well. My intentions are always good; I make lists with everything I want to accomplish for the day but I usually don't make it through them. I get overwhelmed, get a headache, and just go lay down. The funny thing is I am a very organized person; if you saw my desk at work you would think I live in a home where everything is in its place and runs smoothly with very little speed bumps. When everything is in order I find myself being more calm. At home, everything is simply a mess (not dirty but cluttered) and it seems no matter how much I put things away they always end up not in their rightful place. For instance, I have 3 pairs of scissors I store in 3 separate spots and all 3 pairs have been missing for about a week and no one in my family knows where they are. I have been quite calm about it, not saying a word, knowing they will miraculously reappear. I know this re-organization will take some time and a lot of help from my family once I get them to really understand why I get so frustrated. Earlier this week I had 2 really bad days in a row where I barely got myself to work and once I came home I just went to sleep or laid on the couch. During those 2 days I realized that the laundry was piling up, no dinner was made, the floors weren't swept, etc. So, I decided to do a little experiment...I continued to only do what was absolutely necessary these last 3 days and yet nothing was getting done without me having to say "please wash a load of towels or please do the dishes". I am not saying I want my family to do everything so I can do nothing because that is not who I am, I would just like them to be a little less dependent on me all of the time and step up a little when I am not feeling well (my kids are 7 yrs. and 14 yrs. old).
Since I mentioned above that I lack motivation I wanted to also mention that because I joined this site I feel like I can be motivated by tracking myself on this blog or maybe it's just knowing that other people are seeing my updates will keep me motivated since my life usually revolves around not disappointing others. I am starting with a new attitude tomorrow and I am clearing out the clutter (literally and figuratively). Starting tomorrow at 8am I am dropping my oldest off at cheer practice, dropping my car off for an alignment, then I have until noon which I am starting with my closet :) Hopefully when my husband gets home from golfing I will not be on the couch wanting to quit for the day.
Have a wonderful evening everyone!
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well organized, perfectly organized or OCDishly organized: where is the balance we need? you have placed your performance bars too high, Lis. We are only humans and we have our load limits. What you are under, based on your two blogs and comment, is more than enough for three women to get hit by a nervous breakdown. I, myself, am not a fan of meds, but talking therapy helps everyone. I heard that meds help you start realizing that there is a help. They help reorganizing the thought process. I suggest you ask your therapist if you can have at least once monhtly family therapy. Reading your comment above, I recognized younger version of me. I was always thinking that all the work and order in house has to be done by me and me only. Because, I thought (where I was horribly wrong) no one else can even come close in quality of work like I can. And you know what happened: everyone took advantage of it, backed off while I did not even see that I was being added more and more load onto myself. Don't forget that you became wife first and mother second. You know what I mean: men are strange creature with their needs. Spouses emotional and hormonal balance starts and ends in bedroom on bedroom bed. It's not going to make you happy if your husband is out all day "working" or golfing. For your mental stability you need him in your arms. Psych meds do actualy work against androgens, so be on alert at what part of day you would be taking them. House renovation, the college degree and kids activities will all somehow get done. Does not have to be perfect. But their values aren't your priorities right now. Retrianing your brain on what helps you lower your anxiety: is your priority. You had your family for too long in front of everything else. They were your throne you were coming to pray. It's time for you to become a holiness yourself, your number one priority. If the whole reorganization in your house is only your job to do: it's not going to last long. Others have to know what they can and have to do, too. And, if they don't do it your way, you have to respect the differences in everyone's individual approach, while explaining other organizational options to your kids or your husband. Cleaning and maintaining should be a source to a mutual hapiness. We tend to focus on making our family members "happy" while not teaching them to become hard working people. Later on that becomes their standard: having always someone else do the work for them. The happiest are those that can and know how to provide for themselves all the resorces to lead their normal life. This is throwing me back up to my first line. You got to lower your performance bars while at the same time raise your family members bars everyday slightly higher. They aren't gonna like it: but you have to harden a little. They have to learn how to help you and not to expect everything to be done for them. Husband including. Remind him that once before he was expert at making you happy. concernedmom |
Loves October
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... I agree with concernedmom. Set smaller goals and rejoice when you achieve them! Clean out a drawer. Do what you can, as long as you're moving forward. I go through our closets and throw out stuff we no longer need - either the trash if it's no longer usable or charity if it is. It feels so freeing. Good luck and go easy on yourself! |
lis440
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... At this point, I would say well organized is my goal. I don't know much about OCD and I know nothing is perfect. You are both correct that I set my standards way too high. I am working on my issures with delegating and not criticizing when things aren't done to my standards. I definitely have a long road ahead of me. I have always been too soft and always have tried to keep the peace by keeping everyone as happy as possible within reason. My family even tells me I need to learn to say "no" more often and not be so darn nice all of the time. Thank you for your comments, they have opened up more isues of mine that I hadn't even thought about, and during my journey of getting better I know there will be more underlying issues that will surface. |
