Well, I decided to take Remeron. It's not as if I hadn't been prescribed in the past so I wasn't doing it illegally or technically without consent. I took the lowest dose and man, I slept through the night for the first time in weeks!
It feels amazing to have all my anxiety gone. I don't want my anxiety to completely disappear because it's the lack of anxiety in the past (with my old Effexor) that kept me unmotivated. I want some anxiety, I just want to be able to control it. Not to mention that I now feel like my body is really tight and hard to stretch. For someone who's keen on working out hard daily and being in shape, these kind of meds will compromise that greatly. My body and mind feel dead but it's amazing to have all of that out-of-body anxiety gone. Things feel slightly more real although I remember not taking Remeron in the past due to the fact it made things unreal.
I guess I was pretty far away from reality if Remeron reality is more real that without it.
I knew my body would be dead the day after taking Remeron and usually it would bother me and, it slightly does, and I know the anxiety will come back (which isn't altogether soothing) but for now I'm just going to enjoy it the relaxing part of the ride. I can't believe today is Sunday already. Yesterday feels like a faint dream, like it didn't exist. I keep feeling like yesterday was Friday. I keep having to remind myself it's Sunday already.
I hope my friend had a great birthday party last night and all my friends had a great night. I wish I could have been there. My best guy friend expressed his sorrow that I wouldn't be able to make it earlier last night. He puts up with a lot. I guess at least at one point I was worth it. I guess it fades back and forth. I just hope I get into a better place where I can stop feeling like such a toxic friend soon, whether I am or am not.
Well I'm going to pull out my school book and start taking notes, whether or not I'll be able to truly gain any information whatsoever.