I am losing slowly to anxiety. My obsessions won't go away. I started school and an internship yet it's still all i can think about. I wanted to go to a support group tonight bc I borrowed a book from someone there and couldn't get myself to go. I haven't been in weeks. I had heart flutters multiple times today so I knew I would get nothing done. I tried to go to the meeting twice but made it half way down my street both times before deciding I didn't want to be this uncomfortable and scared for the entire drive. I cry all the time and I am always on edge. I don't know how much I am doing to myself or how much is improper meds and therapy. I'm just waiting to get a heart flutter that's going to be my last. I'm home a lone right now. Just had one. Scares me every time even thought I've had them for months. Had an EKG in October which was fine and went to the doc on Friday for a check up and she thinks I have silent heartburn. Looked up the symptoms (of course!) and heart flutters were not listed among them. Therefore I have decided that it's something else and I completely rule out the fact that it could be just part of anxiety. I am so scared of dropping dead that everything that happens I don't assume it's anxiety, i assume the worst. I can't live like this anymore. I am too scared to do anything and I don't know why i am going backwards in my progress. I am just so convinced that there is something wrong with me and I search the internet all the time (which i know is bad) and try to figure it out. I want answers. I don't trust that my doc thoroughly looked at the EKG and that she didn't take my complaints seriously. I feel I was written off bc I have anxiety. I can't relax. My parents won't take me to the ER bc they think (or know) i'm just anxious. They say I can take myself which is impossible. I feel I can't rest until I have a diagnosis for these heart flutters and i am not buying that it's anxiety. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. The doctors don't know either. For some reason I am refusing to get better subconsciously maybe. I don't know. No one, including myself, knows how to help me bc they all say I don't take their suggestions. Maybe this true and due to the fact that I don't believe that all I feel is all contributed to anxiety. I feel I am going to have to end up in a home when my parents are gone bc I am never going to get through this and have the confidence to live again. I rely way too much on others to make me feel safe. I am alone right now and I hate it. If only the flutters would go away I could do something! hate this. Feel like a whiner right now but i needed to vent somewhere.
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PattyPanic
said:
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... I've been right where you are at right now. The obsessive thoughts. It's a cycle one thought leads to another and it never ends. It makes the anxiety worse and then the cycle goes on. My therapist and I were discussing this today.How I was instead of going forward i went backwards when my anxiety came back. It just kept getting worse and worse. The one that can end this cycle is you. Chances are those flutters are one of the many symptoms of anxiety. I used to get them also but not anymore. I ended up in the hospital because I was so stuck in that cycle. It actually was the best thing that ever happened to me because I got the help I needed. I just know that you are going to have to break this cycle that you are in and instead of going backward start going forward. The only thing I can say is hang in there try to break this cycle of going backwards. Things will get better. Patty |
mrbitts
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... Scoutty I'm right there with you. The obsessive thoughts and depression are taking over me. Sometimes I feel like there's no hope. I've been doing a lot of reading and research. I go to a support group that's great. It's the only place where I feel at ease. I guess the only thing I can tell you is to have faith. I'll be praying for you. |
scoutty
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... Thanks for the support guys. Tonight is just not good and it helps to know i am not alone. I just need to accept that I am having these heart flutters and that they aren't death. Just seems impossible! Patty-I totally know what you mean about the cycle. I feel like a broken record and that I complain about the same things daily and have the same conversation with my therapist every time I go. I really think I may not be getting the help I need I just don't know how to find what that help is... |
inspired
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... You feel free to vent all you want. That's what we are here for. You have just recently made some major changes in your life - going to grad school and the internship - having increased anxiety is completely normal. Just two weeks ago, one of my daughter's good friends had a complete breakdown shortly after doing exactly what you are doing. I spent hours talking to her. She has started seeing a counselor at her school, which has helped her a lot. I suggested one from the college she attends since I hoped they would have a better handle on the stress their students are under. Your heart flutters are anxiety - I have them constantly, even with my medication. I've had all the tests too, my heart is fine. I continue to have them all the time - I can be sitting on the couch watching TV and I get them. I think that discussing your feelings with a therapist would be very helpful. A therapist can listen to your feelings and thoughts and give you some plans on how to handle the super stress you are under right now. I have just started reading, The Superstress Solution written by Roberta Lee. It has some great new and old suggestions for coping with Superstress - including diet, meditation, aroma therapy & many other things. I know I won't try all of them, but some sound great to me. I always find reading relaxing & reading about ways to make myself feel less stressed and anxious helps a lot. I wish you all my best & please know you are not alone[/b. Norell |
scoutty
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... Norell- Thanks so much for your support. I wish i could fully trust myself that I am ok. But that doubt is always there. I am not good at relaxing so I may check that book out for suggestions. Meditation doesn't work for me so I am looking for something else. All my energy is in this anxiety and it needs to be placed elsewhere. If only I could figure out how to do that. I just got the book The Worry Cure that a few have mentioned on this site and I made myself promise to try what it says to do. |
Mike619er
said:
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... Hey Scoutty, you're toughing this out. You're not losing to this anxiety battle, you're fighting it everyday. I just seen my therapist today and I told him the same thing you said. I told him I feel like I'm not dealing with my problems, I feel like I'm losing. He told me, you're not dealing with your problems? You deal with them everyday, everyday you deal with them and you're able to work, be social, and make it through the day. You're dealing with them, it takes time. That goes for you too, you're still in the internship, you're going to school, you're winning this fight! It's not something we're gonna get over overnight, it's something we're gonna have to fight for awhile I guess. So crazy how our minds dont let stuff go. I know it sounds crazy, but try running on a treadmill, or riding a bike or something. Get your heart rate up, maybe that will show you that you're fine? That there isn't anything wrong |
Melly0399
said:
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... Are you on any medication, I was in a bad state a few weeks ago, I am starting to get better thanks to medication... |
PattyPanic
said:
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... It is hard finding the help that is right for you. If you see a therapist and it is not enough or not working for you, maybe you can go to your doctor and explain that the help you are getting is not effective help and if they have any other suggestions. There are such things as DBT Skills classes, and IOP and many other forms of help out there. I don't know if you are on any medication or not but it might even be just a change in meds is needed. Patty |
jasminhazel
said:
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... atleast u went to school :( i dont feel like going to school or watching movies with my friend.. i think im losing this battle too.. im so scared and so alone |
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