Hey guys im new to this been reading all your posts for a week or so now.
I was recently told i have panic disorder and hypochondria. People have told me i was always anxious about things however never this bad. I have had my fair share of bad depression from break ups to losing a career in pro sport due to injury, though never bothered with treatment. In October 09 my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me and i was devastated however i kept busy with work and going out with friends. After christmas i had a big wkn out with friends and did cocaine which was out of character and i am ashamed deeply of. Im not sure how much i had, however i remember most of the night and got home safe and went to bed i was by then tired and almost sobre.
I woke up and felt usually hungover, i went over the wknd in my head went upstairs and had a weird attack! I was panicky and couldnt stay still and called the ambulance. When they arrived they thought i wasnt the one who needed attention as i sort of got calm, they were surprised i was talking normal. They took me to hospital and checked me out with EKG heart rate etc and was normal and actually said very healthy and sent me home.
I became extremely anxious and had a check up again with bloods and stuff at my doctors. He said no permanent damage done but you have depression and anxiety.
Its been 6 weeks and i have had a few more panic attacks. I usually calm down after a bit but still very scary. My psychologist said i have almost text book panic attack symptoms but i constantly think something is going to happen to me now because of my stupid mistake. I only eat vegetables fruit and lean meat only drink water and am not on any meds not even for headaches.
I exercise every second day but always feel extremely nervous tired or lightheaded and dizzy, the odd day i am almost normal. Still think something will happen to me because of a dreadful feelings i always have sometimes unbearable. I cant work or do a lot and am extremely scared. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
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scoutty
said:
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... Sorry you aren't feeling well. There is hope though and a lot you can do. I've been on and off with this stuff for ten years and it still scares me. My fears revolve around health and death type of deal which it seems you are afraid of as well. There are a lot of self help books that can give you ideas. The best one I have is the Panic and Anxiety workbook. When you read it you will think they are writing about you! Most of the books describe people with anxiety perfectly. Have you talked to a therapist? You mentioned that you don't take any meds but meds might be able to help you. I wouldn't discount it. It seems the tipping point was the weekend you had. You did something out of character and it upset you and triggered everything. We hold a lot inside. So your career aspirations and relationships have been weighing on you and subconsciously come out via panic attacks. Or at least that's how I see it. I would start by going to a counselor. They can give you great recommendations. Good luck! |
inspired
said:
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... I am glad you've found this site. I read almost every blog - new & old, before I joined. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. The people here are a gift and a blessing. You know you are not alone - what a relief for all of us who think no one will ever understand our pain. We all make mistakes in our lives. At the ripe old age of 54, I can't even count the mistakes I've made in my life. I am slowly, but surely learning to let go of the guilt I have held in for so many years & live in the moment. I am glad to hear you have a therapist. I think telling your therapist about exactly what happened that night(and in the past) & letting go of all of the anxiety, guilt and anger you feel will help a lot. You have to be completely honest, accept that it was a mistake and move on. I know, easier said than done!! I am reading a lot and learning to worry only about things I can change, develop a plan to make those changes & make the changes. I agree that a visit to a psychiatrist to check out medications is a good idea. No one here wants to be on medications, but for a lot of us, it is something we need to change the chemistry in our brains. I have always hated going to the doctor, even at times when I know I should go. I don't like medications either - I've always thought if I just give it time it will go away. When my anxiety/panic and depression got very bad, I knew I had to go. I am so glad I did. The medications have helped me get to a place where I can make some changes in my life. The changes are hard. You have to take baby steps, but you can feel better. Remember you are not alone & you will feel better. All My Best, Norell (inspired) |
