So a couple days ago I increased my dose of Zoloft by 25mg. It's given me a little bit of a "rush" during the day but I was feeling ok for the past couple days. Tonight, however, my heart has been palpitating and my throat is tight and I am really scared. I don't know how I am going to sleep tonight.
I had a bath and got scared that I would pass out so I had to get out quickly and now I'm just trying to stay awake. I get scared to go to sleep at night. That's the absolute worst, because I know I need to sleep or I will feel awful in the morning. But I'm scared to sleep so I have to try and distract myself until I get so tired that I get caught off guard and fall asleep. Usually it means leaving the tv on and sleeping on the couch.
My ex-husband slept on the couch last night and I was fine. I slept ok in my own bed because I knew he was there if I needed him. I felt safe. So I don't know if I should just ask him to stay with me for awhile or what I should do. When he's here I can sleep. My daughter almost always sleeps in my bed because she's anxious, I'm anxious. I know I should be encouraging her to be independent and sleep in her own bed (she's 8) but it's actually kind of comforting not to have to be in the room alone.
I've been trying to convince myself to take a Klonopin but I'm too scared to do even that. I think I will have bad reaction or something will happen...even though I've taken them so many times before and have felt better.
I hate what this has done to me and I hate that I can't make it stop. Even when I try everything that should help....medication, relaxation, meditation, reading everything I possibly can about anxiety/panic, forcing myself to go out with people and go outside in general,exercising....it just doesn't stop. I'm so afraid that this will be my life. That this is all I have to look forward to. That day after day and week after week it will just be this. One day feeling ok, a couple days being super anxious, panic, then start over.