I used to be completely numb. I would push away pain, anxiety, sorrow & all of lifes emotions. I followed the edge, just to get through life. Not really LIVE it.
Then one day, I snapped. Now that I look back, it was when I started smoking tabacco. I thought my panics were brought on by smoking synthetic marajuana, but as I look back they came on when I started smoking tabacco. Now, I know the meaning of why tabacco is so sacred to the Natives. It opened my eyes & spirit to a whole new way of being. I started to feel again & began to open myself up to the world around me, not just stay trapped inside my own world of isolation & numbness. These are what the panic attacks mean to me. Each one is like a release of tension & a breakdown of my former walls. When it's all done, my spirit sees clearer vision of the world around me.
It wasn't such a bad thing, now that I look back to smoke tabacco. I only quit for health reasons of which I am glad. However, it stiumulated me onto a path of true life discovery.