Panic Survivor Members Blog

First of all, I appreciate where you are coming from Norell and it makes perfect sense to think that my anxiety would be the cause of wanting to break up with him. The thing is though for me anxiety is probably what has been stopping me from breaking up with him. Let me explain....

 I've probably mentioned that we met when we were both very young. It has been amazing getting to know someone so well and grow up together and share all our first experiences.  I did kind of neglect my friends though and because I always had him I didn't concentrate on myself and making new friends/keeping those connections/working on my confidence with new people. Sixteen is very young to meet someone and get involved with that seriously. It's a very important time in terms of findings yourself and growing up and I feel like I've lost out a bit of that now that I'm nineteen, nearly twenty. 

   I've been feeling for a long time now that the relationship doesn't feel right any more.  There is no physical side to it which I've tried and tried to fix but he's like a brick wall, I just get nothing back and no explanation. We hardly see each other because of distance. A lot of the time I don't like the person he's become. We have conflicting beliefs and because he's SO stubborn and strong-minded about these beliefs I don't think there could ever be a happy future. He also acted like a bit of a jerk and did some things at the beginning of the relationship that I don't think I can forgive. He doesn't make an effort with my family yet he worships his own and expects me to do so. I haven't told him about all my issues regarding anxiety, etc  and I don't know whether I ever could.

   It's incredibly scary and hard though. I have never dated or kissed another guy. It took me months to learn to trust my current boyfriend. He has been a huge part of my life for over three and a half years. I don't really have any close friends any more and a lot of that is to do with the amount of time I spent with him. If he goes then I will be very lonely- even though I am at the moment anyway. He's one of the only people I feel confident around and I feel like my old self  again, I feel like I did before I lost all my confidence. 

  And Ed, you're certainly right about this being the hardest part. I've managed to get almost half way through my assignment. I will try my hardest to solve my relationship issue too. When I've finished the assignment though, otherwise I have no hope of solving either.