Two blogs in two days; probably a bit much but I feel like I need to let off some steam. The main issue causing me to struggle tonight is the dentist; and yes, I'm aware everyone is scared of the dentist. I'm not saying I'm so terrified I'll refuse to go but in the last couple of years the thought of having to go has made my anxiety completely out of control.
As I mentioned last time, I have wisdom teeth coming through and I think I've come to peace with the fact that there's going to be a bit of pain and pressure etc in my mouth. However, when I was 9 I snapped my front tooth in half and as it was an adult tooth there was a great fuss in trying to save it from being removed. They put a temporary cap, like a filling, on it until I was old enough to get more permanent work done. It was just my luck that I would get an infection that would require me to undergo root treatment which I think I bravely went through at such a young age. I thought I was mostly over it but with my panic attacks being so strong in recent months, it has become an almost obsession with when the temporary cap will fall off; which they always do and get replaced with another.
Anyway, to get to the point, we joined a new dentist recently- who we've now found out is well known for conning people into getting unneccesary work done so he can make money and scaring people into thinking there's problems that don't exist (great for people who suffer anxiety =/). On the first appointment he told me he didn't have time to deal with my childish behaviour so to save my dignity I pushed the panick to the back of my mind and allowed him to give me an injection in my mouth. I was so proud of this because I'd been terrified and I'd never needed an injection for anaesthetic purposes before. However, when I sat down to get the filling done, the injection hadn't fully worked and he pinned me to the chair while I was screaming in pain. Naturally I am now quite seriously scared of the dentist.
I really want to get the dead, root treated tooth taken out as I think the worry is stopping me from being able to progress into any sort of recovery from my anxiety. The problem is that I'm too scared to actually go and get the procedure done. The obvious suggestion is that I change dentist but I also worry that they won't want to put up with my anxiety which at the moment just seems to be out of my control. After that last traumatic experience I am truly struggling to trust another stranger enough to perform any procedures to me. Reading this I know how ridiculous it sounds; wanting help but being scared of getting the help that I want; I just needed to get it off my chest for the night so I can try to relax!