Posted by: 4Him in Untagged  on  PDF


I am going through a difficult season right now-- "caretakers' burnout"--and I have been seeking God desperately. Thankfully, God's Word is still true--You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jer. 29, I think)

These past few weeks I've been crying out to God. At first my cry was just for Him to show up and fix everything because nothing in my life was as it should be. Then my cry changed and I prayed for Him to show up and fix me. I have been praying and listening. I have been reading and studying God's Word, and I have begun to see that I need professional help so I can deal with things that happened in my childhood which are rising to the surface because of the stress I've been under taking care of my husband and parents. My distorted thinking about what I should be able to handle begins back there. I started seeing a psychologist last week and I am hopeful that with her counseling and my feeding on God's Word and listening to His Spirit in me, I will reclaim order from the chaos that is trying to define my life right now.

The hardest part is my not sleeping at night, so I don't always make it to church. I've missed more Sundays than I've attended these past two months. The legalist in me had a fit recently. What will my church friends think? My testimony will be ruined. But God is helping me get over trying to appear to be perfect. As I stated in a recent post, only Jesus is perfect.
I also debated whether to share all of this with you, but I decided I needed to be authentic with you all, too. This is me. This is where I am at right now.

As I get the help I need from the psychologist, as I lean on God's Word and His Spirit living in me, as I make adjustments in my thinking and learn to relate authentically to others and to walk in grace and truth, as I seek God and allow Him time to heal and bind up my wounded heart, I am going to cling to the promise of God in Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (NIV) He has never let me down yet. To God be the glory!

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ceejay said:

Hugs to you 4Him! I know how you feel, and I can totally relate to where you are. Although I have not had to care for my parents (yet) I have spent many times in the last 25 years caring for my husband through various long-term, and chronic, illnesses.

These days he and I are reading the Psalms together. This morning we read:

"But you, O Lord ... how long?
Return, Lord, rescue my soul.
Save me in your merciful love,
for in death no one remembers you;
from the grave, who can give you praise?

I am exhausted with my groaning;
every night I drench my pillow with tears;
I bedew my bed with weeping.
My eye wastes away with grief;
I have grown old surrounded by my foes.

Leave me, all you who do evil;
for the Lord has heard my weeping.
The Lord has heard my plea;
the Lord will accept my prayer...." (Ps. 6)

And then

"For the oppressed let the Lord be a stronghold,
a stronghold in times of distress
Those who know your name will trust you:
you will never forsake those who seek you."

(Ps. 9)

And finally:

"The Lord will give strength to his people,
the Lord will bless is people with peace."

(Ps. 29)

And that is just today!

Oh Joanie - you're doing the right stuff! Praying, and then discerning what steps you can take to help yourself as God does the mysterious healing work.

We do NOT have to be perfect. Not for Him, and not for others! This is the stress we put on ourselves, and the good news is we can (eventually) stop putting it on ourselves!!

I keep you in my prayers and wish you all the best!

Be gentle with yourself -

Much love,

June 27, 2011
Votes: +2

4Him said:

Thank you so much, ceejay! I know this season will help grow and mature me and get rid of some baggage that God doesn't want me to carry around any more. Much love to you! :)
June 27, 2011
Votes: +1

tsuki said:

I'm so glad you decided to share with us. You've always been there for us. You're going through so much that it would be such a waste of emotional resources to portray perfection. Don't worry about what other people at church may think; chances are, they understand. I don't believe that your absence from the house of God will discredit your testimony. He is with you and both you and HE know just how strong your faith and testimony to his love is. You share it here with us and we take it away feeling the strength and love that your words provide.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
—2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I have you and your dear family in my prayers . . . hugs
July 01, 2011
Votes: +2

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