Well turns out I didn't have the 2.5 weeks til my first night alone. I knew this weekend today Jody would be working the night shift and that tonight would be my first night alone. It's now 8:15 pm and believe it or not I'm not near as bad at this time as I was envisioning last week and even through the weekend. I feel it a little and I'm a little anxious and am kinda getting the hyperventilating going on but I've got my o2 meter and it tells me I have plenty of oxygen flowing thru my veins and I've got my lorazepam and can take up to 2mg if needed, I've got my cell phone to call my mom and others should I need and I've got my dogs to keep me company. So bring on being Alone!!! I'm actually not as brave as I sound to tell the truth the later and darker it gets outside the more I feel trapped and alone and its not a good feeling but I know she'll be home around 5 in the morning and so I've only got about 8 hours to go without her here. I just tell myself its like being at work for that time. It doesn't actually work but hey trying anything is better than nothing at all.
Here's hoping I make it the rest of the night without calling my mom or calling my grandparents etc... and making it by actually going to bed without being scared out of my mind and curling in a ball rocking myself.
I know I can do it and I know I'll be fine!! Let you know tomorrow!!!!
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tsuki
said:
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... I know you can do it, Tex. You're fully prepared and have your chain of support going. I used to come here and read blogs and post comments during the times when my anxiety was nearing panic. It worked for me knowing that I was being in touch even though there was no one online here at the time. It just made me feel like we always say "I am not alone with this. You truly aren't . . . I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, especially tonight. Hugs :) |
steady
said:
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Hope this worked out Tex, I hope that the evening went the way you wanted, and you had a peaceful time...you're bold and that's great. Peace |
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