Posted by: weirdanxiety in Untagged on
Apr 7, 2013
thanks guys for all your support and positive thoughts.
i don't know why i can't read the comments again of my post though.frustrating.
but i saw it once.
Posted by: weirdanxiety in Untagged on
Apr 6, 2013
hi everyone.
it has been a very loooong time since i last wrote/blog etc.
things were going well January..i was also ready to meet new friends from a good friend of mine..everything was running smooth..untill...boooom!
Posted by: weirdanxiety in Untagged on
Jan 16, 2013
i thought this new year would bring me great vibes.
turns out the complete opposite actually. to painful to elaborate.
i felt like it has been ages since ive seen my shrink. ill see him in a few days. a few days ago I messaged him (because i lost it),,asking if he had an earlier slot and for 2 hours because i felt i needed it..he replies today..saying he can't commit but he can recommend me to his other doctor because he has just too many patient work load etc. understandable. but for some odd reason i felt rejected.
Posted by: weirdanxiety in Untagged on
Dec 12, 2012
Weirddd..is this normal?
I have been in a normal or no time to think and be depressed mode because of the Christmas preparations..so I have been busy doing this and that, going here and there..fixing things..and then today had a session with my therapist..it was okay...now that I am home..hours after..hourssss after..I suddenly get this really low and depressing feeling. And I keep telling myself what the hell is going on. Why did I just drop..or why am I in a lowwww area now.
Posted by: weirdanxiety in Untagged on
Oct 14, 2012
for those who have experienced it..how exactly does it feel?
i do not know if i am experiencing one now.
Posted by: weirdanxiety in Untagged on
Sep 25, 2012
Do any of you take xanax/xanor for depression or obsession or whatever?
It helped me during my crazy crazy intense panic disorder days when I was off or started on new meds..but now that I am on a stable cocktail which suits me..I haven't been taking any rescue doses as much as I can. I can eat, function, go out, do things I wasn't able to in the past without my mind flipping out. Which is great and I am thankful.
I just haven't gotten over a certain stupid personal situation..it has been 2 months now..I find myself daily thinking of it..or how I am not good enough..or how I am ever gonna get a guy and all. It is stupid. I am at the age where everyone should be getting married..having careers or getting there..or I don't know. Just growing in general. While I am stuck in a effng rut. I haven't gotten my effing degree yet..no job necause no degree yet..doing an online business to keep myself sane..no job so no new social life or no new social atmosphere to keep myself socializing with new people new friends. nothing. i am in the same efng rut that i am in. while all my peers, friends, everyone i know are making lives of themselves. and i feel like a fucking idiot. id rather..ok i won't continue with my sentence because it might make me say things and ill be going downhill from here.
you get the picture.
what makes things worse is im so into this guy that ignores the existence of me or talks to me like a customer service agent. that is it. nothing more. nothing less. i feel like the crappiest shit. i just need someone to make me feel valuable or important or someone that gets me. even just a friend.
im gonna try to do volunteer work to keep myself busy.
i go to the gym all the time. but thats it. the rest of the time i do not feel like im growing. i feel like im in the same level and not going forward.
its a fucking place where i do not want to be in.
right now my closest or people i have more contact with in my life is a. my therapist. how sad. and 2. my gym trainer.
that is my life. save me.
will xanor kill these thoughts? y doctor said it will help me with my shit thoughts..but he doesn't know all my shit thoughts are on a daily basis.
and i do not want to go on and on with xxanor because i was on valium or rivotril daily and it was not pretty.
no wonder i keep sleeping. i just want to not think about fckng problems every fucking day.
sorry for my language.
if anyone gets me. feel free to comment.
Posted by: weirdanxiety in Untagged on
Sep 22, 2012
I had like 4 episodes in a month..i had a weird stomach pain after the gym. as i waited for my ride outside..my stomach started to get painful..unusual..rare..scary pain..and it kept getting worse. (i dont know if it was anxiety stomach ache or a real stomach ache intensified with anxiety and made it worse etc) it was just so scary and painful it reminded me of the time i had a stomach issue and vomitted several times and got a huge panic attack that the entire night my back hurt and i couldnt sleep and i was crying and the next day i went to the e.r. with my family..etc..
anyway it reminded me of that..and i was picturing myself vomitting in that place i was waiting at..and i was picturing myself having to get to the car when it gets there and rush to the e.r. it was that bad that i accidentally texted my other doctor who isn't my shrink and asked if i should get to the e.r.
as finally the car pulled in..i was like wtf and thank god it finally is here..i was contemplating whether i should go straight to e.r. or shower first bec i came from gym..as i was near the house i decided go to the house and shower and see how i feel after..
Posted by: weirdanxiety in Untagged on
Aug 21, 2012
Thanks for all the previous comments and support you all gave me in my old posts..
I don't know. My meds removed all the hell I had and the dark places I was in before..but for some odd reason..the familiarity of the dark place..the pain..the depression..the sorrow..i miss it. it was something I could relate to. Something that was consistent.
Now that it is gone..and I feel ok everyday even though I know it is just being masked by the meds..I feel ok. But I don't feel like I belong now either. I feel lost in every bit. The hell I was in..or the dark place I talk about didn't make me feel lost. I knew where I was.
Does anyone get me?
I hate this masking feeling. I don't know anymore what I want actually.
I feel like no1 gets me. I have some physical disease that tires me every freaking day of my life..plus my blood problems..and my liver and AV mals that I constantly have to monitor..and my mental illness. and the feeling that I will die old and alone is depressing. But I don't feel it in my gut. I wan't to feel it. Because I feel this medicine is fake. It is just making you think you don't feel it. But it is there.
Posted by: weirdanxiety in Untagged on
Aug 16, 2012
still waiting for my psych doctor to get back to me on my appointment date..
it is so fng difficult to get someone out of your head. i don't even know what the hell is going on anymore to me. i have been doing stupid stuff to some dude that i like who obviously doesn't like me back. i feel like i keep pushing myself towards this guy. but i don't even know why. obviously it is a waste of my time since he doesn't give a crap if im alive or not. i just can't seem to delete it out of my mind.
Posted by: weirdanxiety in Untagged on
Aug 9, 2012
This song sums up everything. I am totally confused. Sometimes I feel depressed..sometimes normal..sometimes like crap. it is a never ending cycle. I am suppose to meet my therapist this week because I have gone crazy a few nights ago. I had images in my head like a video clip playing that I was being wheeled to the mental hospital..I felt scared..i was totally getting wasted last weekend just to try and numb things. didn't work. beer sucks. but the vodka the other night made me happy..then i semi got crazy that night i had weird images..then i thought of what one of the people in the party said that heath ledger was on anti depressants and alcohol..then i freaked out..felt sick..etc. the list goes on. i got hurt by someone so bad that it brings me back to my past and how i view things. it clarifies it. that i was right all along..which sucks because i was rooting for it to be the complete opposite. i was trying to prove myself wrong. how ironic.
i love this song.
Breathe Me -Sia
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
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