Panic Survivor Members Blog

   

            Hello agian,,, Well my anxiety has been up the last few days because I have been dealing with the fact that I have for good cut my sister out of my life. I know that its the right thing to do , but at the same time its really sad that its come to this.    I just  wish that the bond that we had was unbreakable, but its not. I will get over this soon, because its weighing me down, I want to move on with my life. and be happy. Can I be truly happy  with out my sister in my life?

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                             I am still suffering from anxiety and panic, but now i am dealing with OCD. I have been talking with therapist and she thinks that I have it. I sat and thought about it and i do have alot of wacko compulsions and rituals that have to do with OCd. I fell like a  freak, someone who cant just get it together. When i have anxiety and panic attacks the OCD gets worse. HOnestly can it get any worse?

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  I have not wrote in a long while, but here I am agian where I feel safe and that no one will judge me. Well I am dealing with anxiety still and panic and I hate it. I wonder every day why me,, but I guess I am this way for a reason right?, or god would not make me like this. I am going through some issues that have stressed out and i then have to worry weather my anxiety will just start up. I think that no one will ever understand me(my hubby) , that I feel like I am fighting this all alone. I mean I had a stroke last year and the effects of it were that my whole left side is always numb and that i am very weak in my left arm and left leg. Also that I have severe headaches in the left side of my head. So when I am  dealing with the anxiety and panic the numbness and headaches are horribl. I journal, I see a therapist, I talk well try to talk to my hunny about it but I feel that i am just sooo lone. What to do.????

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 I know that life is hard but mine is getting really crazy. I am now in the hospital going on 6 days because of a medical problem. Being in here is not the greatest thing in the world. And some people just dont get it , and how being in the hospital effects the mind. My boyfreind just hates me being sick, but when i am sick and try to get better he does not like it because he has to be home and watch the kids.And with no support, maybe this is me being paranoid.  I just have to focus on me, and me getting better, but i want to be noraml. I wonder if my anxiety and panic go away if all my physical things would go away?

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  The realtionship that I am in , is like dealing with a Yo-Yo. When I go through the downs of the Yo-Yo it really takes a toll on the anxiety part of my mind.  I mean we do not know how to communicate the right way, I mean I think that I should be able to say anything to him and have him talk normally to me. Is that to much to ask?  When I deal with all this stress, my anxiety is like all over the place. I just dont know how long I can do this,, but not being in this realtionship , I dont know if my kids would be in a good place. I mean I know that being in a crazy realtionship is not good for my kids, but i mean i want that 2 parent family for my kids, and i am willing to give anything for that to happen. But looking at it from another view I think that i am not doing my kids any favors , by being sad all the time.  If anyone could give me advice , about love and anxiety that would be much appericated.

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                Well everyone I finally did it, did what your wondering . Well I finally cut my sister and my mom out of my life forever. The why well I finally got sick of all the hurt they were causing me. I just  finally got sick of being hurt and sad all the time, they make me feel like I dont belong. Well now I just have to deal with the emptiness, that i will get over. I know that I will have much less stress, and wont be sad all the time. I can be my own person and feel good about myself.

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            I know that anxiety is such a hard thing to deal with,but now I am having a run of bad luck. Thats making me doubt myself and just be anxious over everything. Why do people have anxiety ? Is god trying to see how powerful i am .....Well I must not be that strong because i just can not deal with certain things , why because I just dont know how to process and deal with things. Does that make me a bad person, not being able to deal with things. I am learning to get stronger and learning new ways i just hope that I can get over this anxiety soon,

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   I have a real issue or speed bump in my road. Dealing with this journey that I call beating anxiety and panic, I also have to deal with my family. I have wondered so many times if I should cut them out of my life?, I mean do I really need all thier negative comments and negative energy in my life? No I dont . I deserve to be happy and living life. But no i sit here wondering if I should cut these people out of my life even though they treat me like crap. I mean I have tryed to explain things to them and still here i am not knowing what to do.

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               Today I went to walmart with my hubby, and i started to get that heavy feeling in my chest, feeling like I was gonna faint and my arms started to shake, so I grabbed a pepsi and took a xanax to make all those scary things go away. I feel so dumb, so ashamed that i sometime have to depend on a pill to make me feel better. I am so mad at myself that i can not control it without taking meds. Am i not strong enough? what is wrong with me,.,.. well i know that it will only get worse if i let it,,, but i know to that i have to beat this,,.,, but how do i cope with the days that i feel that i can not control it.

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            hello everyone,, I just wanted to give an update or well progress on where I am right now. Well so far I have taken my xanax 2x , even though I was totally scared to. But I thought that if I didnt my PAs would get worse,,, so I did it, and to my suprise it helped,,, calmed me right down.. Anyway I still am dealing with the anxiety and panic,(the anxiety is worse lately though.) I do not know what triggered it to come back ,it feels like a brick falls out of the sky and there it is. But I am doing alot of work and research  in depression,self esteem ,anxiety books, to try and get my self under control. I have relized that i can only go day by day, and deal with whats happening now. But one thing that bothers me is , wondering if I am passing this anxiety and panic disorder to my kids. I try to hide it from them , but i dont want to lie to them either, How do I tell them what is wrong with me?

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