Panic Survivor Members Blog

Well, I rocked my job interview today. It was for a temp staffing agency and they kept saying how the jobs that I will be getting can always turn into permanent jobs and as for now, with all the temporary jobs I will be getting I will earn quite a lot of cash hopefully. I feel great right now, I look great because...this suit looks so great on me. I dunno what it is about professional clothes but they just make you feel so darn important haha. Even though they are incredibly uncomfortable.

 The interview took forever! My interview was at 2:30 and I got there 15 minutes early and so I filled out paperwork and an online application of more personal information. Then I had an initial interview and talked about my skills, not knowing they were going to actually "TEST" me on my skills. Literally, through a computer test system. They tested me on typing and wpm and data entry and numerical entries and how fast I was at that. They tested me on multiple choice questions and true and false and fill in the blank questions about customer service and management and stuff such as that. They tested me on my knowledge on Microsoft products such as word. And my god, were those ones tricky but I knew a LOT more than I thought that I knew! It was crazy! THEN I had a follow up interview and they got the results of my tests and she said that I excelled above the average marking in all of the tests and that I'm a great candidate. So now they are going to be looking for jobs for me and I should be getting placed sometime soon! Crazyness!!!! hehe I'm so excited and ready to get out there! :D

Things are lookin up for me

Comment (9) Read More...

So, I FINALLY got a call back for one of the gazillion jobs I have applied for!!! Although, he called me when I was driving so that happened to be bad timing, but I went with it anyways haha. He seemed to really like me on the phone and asked me a bunch of questions and now we have an interview this upcoming Wednesday at 2:30 to test my skills and put me in a position that best suits me (hopefully, if I do in fact get placed anywhere). I'm SO EXCITED!..Then again, I'm sure I am going to be an anxious and panicky MESS next week!!! eek...I'm going to try to just think good and positive thoughts about it and try not to let my anticipratory anxiety work up too much because that is always worse then the actual thing I am worrying about. (I hate it, it's so ridiculous)

 So advice, This job is at a temp agency. I don't know what to wear!!! I dont' want to look "too" professional and I don't want to look "too" casual. So...Is a suit TOO professional? and is a pair of nice dress pants and a blouse TOO casual? oh boy... Help!!! hehe AND.....

 WISH ME LUCK!!! :-D :-D :-D

Comment (5)

I CAN NOT believe that I forgot my 3 year Anniversary for being quit smoking!!! It was yesterday, the 18th, and it just completely and utterly blew my mind away that I forgot!

So YAY ME!!! 3 years cancer stick free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Comment (5)

I AM SO F*******N PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE IT AND THIS IS WHY I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING WITH MYSELF OR I AM GOING TO FREAK OUT!

As you all know me and my ex just broke up a little less than 2 weeks ago after 4 years and I am still really upset but managing a lot better then I thought I would. He for some reason thinks that he can contact me whenever he wants to and then not reply to anything that I write back to him! HOW RUDE IS THAT!

I want closure and I want answers to all of my questions. I want the truth and I don't care how badly the truth hurts, I NEED it to move on and get on with my life. He finally admitted he needs professional help and just wrote me on facebook saying that he is petrified and his Dr's appointment is tomorrow and that he admits that I am the stronger person. I called him to be a NICE person to see if he was OKAY and he didn't answer his phone. I left him a message saying "It's me, I need to talk to you, please call me back". And I gave him 15 minutes to call back. YEAH I know 15 min's isn't long but I know that he was by his phone and available so whatever...So I got pissed, I AM still pissed. I am that kinda pissed where you get so pissed off you can feel your blood cursing through your veins and can feel your heart pumping through them as well.

Comment (10) Read More...

I am getting driven crazy by my ex boyfriends status messages on facebook! I figured out the last one...I think. And now another one! It is driving me nuts, it really is and it is pathetic. Please, anyone that knows hebrew, translate this for me please!

"Hayom ha lev ko'ev"  (I think that means: Today my heart pains) and before it said "Hayom a lev ko'ev...ani mitgahegeha"

 Yeah he must of done something wrong with the last word.....

Comment (3) Read More...

As most of you know I am recently and freshly going through a break up with my boyfriend of 4 years. Our 4 year anniversary would have been tomorrow, Valentines day. (2/14/05) :*( I should be the happiest girl in the world right now because I should be with him right now, or in his apartment waiting for him to come home to me after he gets out of work... I was supposed to be in d.c. from tonight until the 22nd of this month. I was looking forward to 10 days with him so much and couldn't stop thinking of how incredible it was going to be.

I've actually been doing better than I would think I would be doing with all of this but today I feel like things have kicked in more for me because I am not in d.c... I wonder if he'll call me at all, but all I can do it wonder because he is not a predictable man. Not like myself, I am pretty predictable unfortunately. I sometimes wish I was more mysterious and unpredictable... I couldn't sleep last night and was tossing and turning. Today I have felt really anxious and my heart is hurting me. I am trying to hold back tears writing this right now and don't know how much longer I will be able to hold them off, they are inevitable..yep, there went the first droplet down my cheeck, 2nd, it's over now...

I can't believe that he hasn't talked to me since he broke up with me in an E MAIL! can you beleive it?! Ending a 4 year relationship through a short and insensitive E MAIL. I responded back with a rather long e mail and didn't hear from him. I received a facebook message from him saying "Not trying to start anything and not that you care, but I thought you should be the first to know that I will be seeing 2 psychiatrists this upcoming week". I am happy he is finally seeking professional help because he has needed it our entire relationship and the thing he is so strongly trying to protect, which sadly, he thinks "defines" him (his career) he would have lost if he doesn't get the right help.

Comment (8) Read More...

Well I can say I have been doing pretty great with my anxiety levels alltogether, especially with how much I have been going through physically and mentally with this break up with my boyfriend on 4 years...but I am REALLY nervous about work the next 2 days.

 My sister owns a consignment shop and I am working the next 2 days from open to close 10-5 all by myself the whole day long. I HATE being alone and having to run the store all by myself. And it isn't that I can't handle it because I can. I have worked there for 7 years and know that store like the back of my hand. Everything and anything about it, so it isn't that. I guess I don't know what it is..It's just this damn anxiety is what it is... I get really anxious there and panicky feeling that if I'm alone I usually need to take an extra xanax to help me get through it. Especially if it is really busy because it just really increases my panic, and especially if there are loud and crazy kids running around the store. ugh...I need the money DESPERATELY and I couldn't get out of it anyway nor do I want to but I am just so nervous. I have never actually had a panic attack there, been REAL close to it, but haven't...

My panic and anxiety usually is the worst when driving, but now I have gotten so much better at that and can say that working by myself and running the store alone from open to close is what makes me the most uncomfortable. I really hope when and if I get a new job soon that I will be working with people (which I think I will be) and hopefully I can find a job with this economy. They are non existant..

Comment (4) Read More...

Does anyone on here speak fluent hebrew or can tell me what "Yom Echad" means??? Driving me CRAZY...my "ex" :( has a status on facebook and it just says Yom Echad...

 The only people I know that speak fluent hebrew is him and his family and well, can't call them to ask. So i'm wondering what it means...It is driving me crazy...

 :(

Comment (6) Read More...

I have been trying to not stay in my house because it only makes my current break up situation worse because I sit and stare at my computer hoping to hear something from him. I have honestly really suprised myself in how well I am doing. My appetite has mostly come fully back which is definitely a good thing because it is extremely unhealthy when you lose 9 lbs in a week!

 Today I got together with my sister and both of our best friend, Heather. She lives a 10 minute walk away from the beach. It was beautiful outside today and temperatures got up to 52!!! That is like a heatwave compared to the average 15 it has been in CT lately. The sun was out and it was gorgeous. The beach was so nice and the sound of the waves were just so soothing. I wanted to just lay a blanket out and take a nap listening to the waves. I am thinking of buying a CD that is just the sounds of the ocean to help relax me.

 I walked around the beach slowly and mostly by myself because my sis and my friend went off exploring but I was much more interested at staring at the water and the sky and looking for pretty rocks and shells. My pockets were exploding by the time we left the beach. I'm thinking of making a wind chime out of them, I found so many of my favorites (the really shiney shell ones? I forget what they're called  but they mostly are found in white, yellow and orange) They are gorgeous and when they clank it's nice and sonorous. It really got my mind off of things.

Comment (3) Read More...

I want to thank everyone that replied to my last blog, and well all my blogs, but especially my last blog. It was the most simple blog I think I have ever written and yet the amount of support and love and strength and care I have gotten from everyone is just unbelievably heart warming. You all mean so much to me and the fact that you care and are offering your support...I can't tell you what that means...but I think you know because many of you have been affected and your heart warmed the way mine has been from blogs and forums you all have posted on this site...

 To know that I have people that are willing to listen and that care about me and think about me during their busy and anxiety filled days...it makes me so grateful I could cry sometimes if I think about it too much. I have even gotten private messages from people offering their full support to me and thank you. Thank you all. You are all so wonderful.

 I am still not doing so well, but I'm honestly doing better then I thought I would be doing, although I think part of it is that much of it hasn't sunk in yet. I hope to have the time to explain things and get into it much more with you all and express some of my feelings this next week. Hopefully I'll be up to it.

Comment (6) Read More...