Ever had that feeling that there's a swarm of butterflies dong somersaults in your stomach for no apparent reason?
I used to get them a lot and still do when they're needed (like when I'm actually supposed to be nervous!) but I could control them to a certain extent.
And now, surprise, surprise, they're back!
I'm sat here typing and I can feel the flip-flopping in my stomach. My hearts going a bit, too.
What's it all about?
I have been stressed out recently, with family issues and my husband being made redundant.
I get angry at myself because I feel like the old me has disappeared. I used to be able to handle most things. Sure, I'd get angry and stressed like everyone, but I could handle things. It feels like the old me has been replaced by this snivelling little scared creature who reacts to any slight form of stress by introverting into herself and concentrating on all the nasty symptoms that anxiety brings.
When will it all end? When will I be the person who used to laugh things off again? Who used to think that the best solution to any problem was to have fun and forget about it?
I miss them days. I miss the old me. I miss not worrying ALL THE TIME!
I want my life back!
I don't ask for much, never have. I don't want lots of money. I don't want all the material things that people tend to strive for. I just want to be happy with myself and my family and live my life without fear constantly tapping me on the shoulder and creeping into my very essence at every opportunity.
I feel like screaming at it to leave me alone and go bother someone else!
Think I actually might start screaming more. Might help!
Rant over. xxxx
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Loves October
said:
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... Well, unfortunately I can relate. I was okay from 1990 until 2004. I thought I had kissed all of my problems goodbye. It's not that I don't like the person I've become AGAIN. It's that I'm disappointed I'm here again. I feel that anxiety is my "New Normal" That doesn't mean I've given up. It just means that I will probably always deal with this at some level. My psychiatrist says that on the bell curve, I am more prone to anxiety than the average person, but that doesn't make us "sniveling little scared people". Our minds are wired differently than most people's, and to be perfectly honest, I'd like to see other people deal with what we deal with on a regular basis! A friend of ours had a night of panic attacks years ago - had never happened to him, hasn't happened since. He told his wife that he couldn't believe how bad this thing I had to deal with was. So you see, we're actually stronger than we think. I rely on my faith to get me through. I also use strategies I read about in a book on anxiety. Beating yourself up won't help a bit. You have to be gentle with yourself. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small. We have - what is it? a disability of sorts. Ours isn't as visible as a wheelchair, but it's as real. Give yourself a break. Grieve over what you can't do, and move forward and enjoy your life as much as possible. I'm about half- way through mine, and I can tell you it goes by fast! Be kind to yourself. |
