Panic Survivor Members Blog

Anyone ever get that sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach? One moment where you could be doing anything, and then the feeling's there, almost a nauseous feeling, where you think to yourself  'Is this it? Is this the way my life is always going to be? Am I going to have to struggle with my own emotions for ever? Is doing little things like going to the supermarket, always going to cause me so much panic and upset? Will I ever be free to go wherever my mood takes me, like I used to? Is there any point in struggling? Should I just accept my fate and let the panic do what it will?

Sorry to ramble, but that's how I'm feeling right now. It's like I'm constantly fighting to 'be normal' to the outside world, when inside I feel like screaming and telling everyone to look at me, to take away this horrid feeling that's always in the pit of my stomach, the fear that's always lurking in the back of my mind and the fogginess that seems to descend on my head and senses at least ten times a day - like a grey blanket that's suffocating me and not letting me be happy.

Do I sound crazy? Have any of you guys had these feelings? Please say you have! I'm scared I'm actually losing my mind now (which would be a bitch after I've fought for so long to get better!). XX 

Comment (6)

Hi all, hope you're all well. I had a review with my doctor the other day because I've been on my pills for anxiety for almost three years now and he wanted to know if they're still helping me. I answered him as truthfully as I could, explaining that I still have my issues, to which he laughed and said 'don't we all!' His response made me laugh as well as think - he's right, everyone has issues, whether big or small...

He told me to stick with the pills for at least another year and to keep doing what I'm doing, but I have to be honest and say that I don't think I'm doing an awful lot to get myself better - Let me explain...

I have faced my massive fear of visiting the dentist, even though I felt like I was going to pass out the whole time I was sat in that awful chair!

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Haven't written on here for a while, even though I still read all your posts. 

The reason I'm writing now is because I'm feeling pretty proud of myself.

A couple of months back I tried coming off my meds and it was a complete flop. My anxiety levels soared within days of stopping the tablets and I could feel myself beginning to slip back into bad habits - not wanting to leave the house unless it was absolutely necessary, becoming nervous in busy places again, scared to drive my car... So I started taking the tablets again and literally gave myself a good talking to!

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Anyone else taken these tablets to help with anxiety and panic attacks? I've been on them now for just over two years and decided to wean myself off them (admittedly I haven't been doing it properly, missing several days then resuming when I remember). For the past couple of weeks Ive been having these awful head zap's. I dont really know how to describe them, except it feels like an electric current goes through my brain. My head feels heavy all the time and I am having spells of disorientation and giddiness. I also had a panic attack today while I was at the supermarket. It scared the life out of me, but I carried on with my shopping and made it home in one piece. I'm determined to come off these tablets, as I want to feel myself again, not walk around rattling! ha.

Ive read several web sites on citalopram and there definately seem to be many people who suffer these horrible symptoms when they're coming off the tablets, but I want you people, my trusted fellow sufferers, to help me through this. I don't know how I expect you to help, but whenever I've written a blog on here in the past, I've always recieved very useful advise and tips, so I guess I'm hoping for a bit of the same! Hope you're all well and taking each day as they come. xxxx

Comment (3)

I really do think that I'm one of the strangest people in the world!

I have read lots and lots of posts on this site, and although I can relate to so many things people say, it worries me more than anything that nobody seems to suffer the same fear that I do... which is anything to do with medical situations, like doctors, hospitals, dentists...

If anything, the people on here seem to get some sort of reassurance when going to the hospital or their doctors when they feel really bad... not me.

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Need some help and advice from you good people...

Have any of you ever suffered from the dreaded symptom that makes you feel as though you are not yourself? That you are moving within a dream and nothing seems to make much sense?

I'm not sure what the medial term for it is, but I do know that it's supposed to be all part and parcel for us panic and anxiety sufferers. The only problem is, that I don't like it and it scares me. I think I'm actually losing my mind when it happens, which hasn't been for a long while.

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It's my little boy's 6th Birthday today and he really wanted to go to Lego Land for his treat. It's only about ten miles away and it's a fantastic place for children to go. Ha! Like I would know! I didn't go with him because I was too scared to travel that distance in case I panicked and ruined his day, so he's gone with his Dad and I'm sat here in an empty house crying and feeling sorry for myself because I didn't go with him. 

I don't know what's wrong with me. I know that if panic strikes I can handle it, but I still didn't pluck up the courage to get in the damned car and go with my baby on his special day.

I feel like the world's worst mother and that is NOT a nice feeling.  

Comment (4)

Have any of you guys every had trouble with your neck and shoulders?

Let me explain what I mean...

When I'm feeling a little nervous or apprehensive (talking to people who I'm not comfortable with or  if I'm having a bad day with the anxiety) I notice that my head feels almost too heavy for my neck, as though something is pressing down on my brain! And then if I try to relax (I actually notice that I'm holding my shoulders really tightly,) my neck will shake a little. What's that all about???

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Been having a LOT of problems with my family recently and yesterday everything came to a head. I finally told my mum, dad and younger brother exactly what I think of them, how they make me feel and told them to stop (actually I kinda screamed that part!). I won't bore you all with the details, but basically my younger brother left his girlfriend and three young children a few months back to go and have fun. He has been horrid to her and barely acknowledges his children. He already has a new girlfriend, which I find diabolical! 

Anyway, I'm still friend's with his ex-girlfriend and I'm doing my best to help her with the children. Apparently that makes me a traitor to the family, as I'm not there for my brother, 'choosing an outsider over family'. 

I have finally had enough of being judged for doing something out of the kindness of my heart while my brother does whatever the Hell he likes, and I finally said so!

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Ever had that feeling that there's a swarm of butterflies dong somersaults in your stomach for no apparent reason?

I used to get them a lot and still do when they're needed (like when I'm actually supposed to be nervous!) but I could control them to a certain extent.

And now, surprise, surprise, they're back!

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