Live Freely!

Well, this is the 3rd week since my thyroid medicine was increased, and I had lots of energy today.  I took my sweet hubby to his counseling session, then we went to the vet's to get my chihuahua's ear medicine, then to the car wash, then to get flu shots, and then returned rental movies. That's the most I've been able to do in a long while, but I was pooped when we came home.

I'm still not sleeping the whole night through but have 3 more weeks before my thyroid levels are right again so I know it's just a matter of time. What a difference a little pill can make to your endocrine (?) system. I think that's the word. I thank God for medicine that can put you aright when things start to go amiss. :)

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There were comments from a panic survivor left on one of my blog posts-two of which stated that my life was probably worse because of my walk with the Lord and that I presented an unrealistic view of dealing with panic disorder through religion. As I reread and reread the comments, I prayed that God would help me answer. While waiting, but still wanting to vindicate myself, I just deleted the comments. The delete button was just too handy.  :)  But I've been thinking and praying about it ever since. I know I'm weird to most. I know my faith is radical. But it is true faith. And I have tried to blog realistically about my continued journey through anxiety.

I was reading from Charles Swindoll's Intimacy with the Almighty this morning in which he stated how busy and frenzied life is and how much our souls need to slow down and turn to the Lord for refreshing and help instead of living in "the tyranny of the urgent". This is what I have sought to do and still seek to do. And far from being worse because of it, I have been freed from the prison of a defeated mind, panic, and agoraphobia.

My renewed mind and life is not unrealistic and any Christian can decide to live this way.  It is a heart-felt choice you make every day. I've asked myself these questions many times...Did you make a commitment to follow Jesus or not? Is He faithful to help you keep that commitment or not? Is the Spirit of Jesus living in you or not? Is it unreasonable  that the Jesus who died for you and lives in you would speak to you through any means He chooses, or would guide you, lead you, comfort you through trials? Is God greater in your mind than your problems or worries or circumstances, or do you picture Him in the corner wringing His hands with you and sweating the outcome?

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Thought I'd share these since Sempre Domani hasn't see any in real life. :) These are female ruby-throated hummingbirds.

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I blogged about hypothyroidism a few days ago and thought I would share some more information. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism about ten years ago. At the time, I was having severe anxiety, forgetting things, unable to make even the smallest decision, felt overwhelmed, etc. It turned out to be my thyroid and I have been on the same dose of thyroid meds ever since. ( It was years later that I was diagnosed with panic disorder. In fact, when my doctor first told me I thought it was my thyroid acting up again.)

I had my doctor retest my thyroid two weeks ago because I had been crying alot, losing hair, felt depressed, had insomnia, was forgetting things and generally felt I was sinking back into anxiety and depression. These symptoms had come and gone over a period of three months or more. I finally was able to see my doctor--after about a month's wait.  It turned out my TSH 4 levels were twice what they should have been and my doctor upped my medication for the first time in a decade.

It takes about 6 weeks before the thyroid medicine really takes effect, and right now I am still not sleeping at night, feel fatigued and have a racing heartbeat off and on. I also have short periods of anxiety and I pray through them. 

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I make notes whenever I come across something that encourages me in my faith. I keep them in a basket on my desk and also in a file folder inside my desk. I recently went through these 3x5 cards and scraps of paper and thought I'd share a bit.

Psalm 119:102 "I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me." (NIV) "They are well taught whom God teaches. What we learn from the Lord we never forget. God's instruction has a practical effect-we follow His way when He teaches us; and it has an abiding effect-we do not depart from holiness." Charles H. Spurgeon, British theologian

 "Abba, I surrender my will and my life to you today without reservation and with humble confidence, for you are my loving Father. Set me free from self-consciousness, from anxiety about tomorrow, and from the tyranny of the approval and disapproval of others, that I may find joy and delight simply and solely in pleasing you." Brennan Manning, from Ruthless Trust: the Ragamuffin's Path to God

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We had a wonderful cool front come in along the Texas Gulf Coast, and it was great to sit on my favorite patio swing this afternoon and not sweat! Low humidity and temps in the upper 70's. It was awesome! While sitting and swinging, I saw a blue jay, a downy woodpecker, a white-winged dove, and two hummingbirds. The sky was cloudless and a breeze sauntered through the leaves of my maple trees. We used to have a sycamore tree and an oak tree in the backyard, but Hurricane Ike came in 2008 and ruined them for life. We had to have them cut down along with our oak tree in the front yard. The oak in front  had survived the storm, but my husband and I decided it was too close to the house and needed to go as well. So many homes in our area were damaged by falling trees during Ike. 

My county and the surrounding counties all heaved a sigh of relief yesterday after meteorologists confirmed that the waters in the Gulf had cooled and that the hurricane season was over as far as we were concerned.  I pray there are no more hurricanes anywhere!

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I have 8 hummingbirds that have been zooming around my 3 feeders for about a month. I captured these yesterday.

I also thought I'd post a picture of my Scripture spiral. I recently recopied all of my verses that I have posted on this blog onto these 3x5 cards. My old 3x5s were on separate cards and I wanted them all on a spiral.

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My thyroid medicine has finally kicked in and I am feeling so much better.  I have been thinking about something during my quiet time this morning. It occurred to me that although trials, temptations, mood swings, sleepless nights, etc.,  may come and go,  I am still in the hand of Jesus.  He said this about His sheep--"No one can snatch them out of my hand." (John 10:28, NIV) What a relief that is to me! I may not be strong enough to keep myself in His hand, but He is!

Jesus fulfills my every concept of "hero". He is the ultimate knight-in-shining-armor, the protective Bridegroom--perfect in every way. He is ever ready to defend His Bride--the body of believers in Christ Jesus--and to make intercession for us. I live under His merciful protection, under His gracious sovereignty, and I am thankful. And unlike my imperfect love, His love for me is unwavering. I don't deserve His unfailing love and devotion, but He doesn't seem to care. He forgives and He welcomes me to come and sit by His side. To learn from Him and about Him through His Word.

When I mentally and spiritually place my hand in His, I am not relying on some figment of my imagination. I am relying on the One and Only who saved me from intense fear, myriad doubts, demoralizing panic, and the utter darkness of deep depression.  "My sheep know Me--and I lay down my life for the sheep." (John 10:14-15, NIV)  He is the Answer to my prayers. All I have needed, He has provided, and not once have I deserved it. Great is His love and faithfulness to my commitment to follow Jesus all the days of my life.

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An understanding husband

Two loving sons and a precious daughter-in-law

My hummingbird feeders...saw 3 little hummers today

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"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Ps. 139:13-14, NIV)

I was reading Psalm 139, and my eyes stopped after verse 14. I went back and re-read verses 13 and 14 several times. I asked myself if I truly believed what they said about me. I don't often feel fearfully and wonderfully made. I forget that God formed me, wove me in the womb. I have a thyroid problem, sinus problems, arthritis, and mental thought processes that need sanctifying hourly. I often feel deep-down that I was a mistake-family genes gone haywire.

Yet God says that He formed and wove me together and that I need to give Him thanks for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The more I think about that, the more my heart responds to the truth in those words. I am not a reject. I am not a mistake. The God of all heaven and earth created me, designed me, knit me together. I am His. Created and loved by Him.

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