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Could use someone to talk to
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TOPIC: Could use someone to talk to

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#25304
Pro42 (User)
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Could use someone to talk to 2 Years, 12 Months ago  
Hey, I'll call myself Pro here, if that's ok I'm new to this site, and not really sure what to do, I just could really use someone to talk to. I'm doing well with my panic/anxiety and depression, it's familiar, I've had it almost all my life. PTSD, on the other hand, I don't really know how to deal with. Today has been a bad day. I started thinking about stuff, about getting attacked again, about having a trial. It all seemed so real, because I know how it feels. I've spent most of today just sitting in my room with my heart beating and body shaking. I have an exam on Friday and I've just wasted a day. It's been over 5 1/2 years since I was attacked, but I guess I've never really dealt with it, and as I've gotten better at dealing with my panic/anxiety it's as if a blanket covering my PTSD has been lifted. I don't really know what to do.
 
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#25305
tsuki (Admin)
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Re:Could use someone to talk to 2 Years, 12 Months ago  
I was also diagnosed with PTSD due to tragic events during my childhood. Behavioral therapy is a treatment that helps change potentially self-destructing behaviors. It is also called behavioral modification or cognitive behavioral therapy. Through this treatment I learned to accept, forgive myself and others and move on. You've come to the right place . . . you're not alone . . . hugs
 
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#25306
Pro42 (User)
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Re:Could use someone to talk to 2 Years, 12 Months ago  
I have issues with being what I perceive as weak, if it was anyone else I wouldn't consider them weak, but I have different standards for myself. I don't know how to not look back and view myself as weak and pathetic, and be angry that I didn't fight back, didn't try to protect myself, instead of begging for my life like a coward. I know why I didn't fight back, I valued myself less than those trying to kill me, but still, in my mind, I find myself pathetic.
 
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#25307
concernedmom (User)
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Re:Could use someone to talk to 2 Years, 12 Months ago  
I am happy for you are alive and here to tell the story
Because, I am afraid if you fought back instead of begging for life, we would not have this privilege of knowing you and talking to you. Having you here with us, sound much better to everyone involved. As, tsuki mentioned, you need to sign for psychotherapy in order to successfully deal with your past unpleasant situation.
Whatever age you are, seeing you're taking exams, may mean you may have a chance for some counseling at that institution where you study. It may be either free or part of your tuition fee. It is usually confidential, so don't hesitate to take that advantage asap.
Whatever bugs you its' loosening its grip of you when you sharing. The more you share the less burden you carry. Keep unloading until it becomes light and tolerable.
 
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#25310
Pro42 (User)
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Re:Could use someone to talk to 2 Years, 12 Months ago  
I still regret not fighting back, guess that something I need to work on.

I'm actually both getting therapy and going to group therapy at my Uni, I just felt very alone because I'd never talked to someone else with PTSD, it's the one
thing no one in my group can identify with. For some reason I felt the need to talk to someone who understands, as cliche as that sounds. It was a very difficult thing for me, talking about the assault in group, and then I felt I got no understanding. Like ripping my heart out and serving it to them on a
platter, only for them to say; actually, I'm a vegetarian.
 
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Last Edit: 2014/11/27 01:21 By
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tsuki.
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#25319
tsuki (Admin)
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Re:Could use someone to talk to 2 Years, 11 Months ago  
I'm happy you're able to share with us here. As a child to adulthood I had blamed myself for my unfortunate experiences. I thought I had brought it upon myself. The self-blame and "what ifs" wreaked havoc in my life and I was never able to come to grips with the fact that I was powerless then and therefore unable to change what had happened. Now I know that my inability to stop the tragic events was not my fault and no matter what I may have done the outcome would have been the same. Had I fought back, I may not be here today.

In your case, I believe that it was not a weakness that prevented you from fighting back, it was a strength to survive. Please place the blame where it belongs . . . on the perpetrators and do not dwell on the "what ifs" and "why didn't I". You are here today because of that strength. It takes courage to come here and share the most devastating events of our lives. With the knowledge of your courage the healing can begin. There are so many good things ahead for you. Live well here in the present . . . hugs
 
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