Howdy!

I wanna say a Big Thank You to the Founders, the Moderators, and Anyone who Stops by on this site looking for some community among fellow survivors of Life! SA/SP has been part of my Experience, and I know it likely will be- So I am Happy to find even a couple Live folks in the world who can share some thoughts and comradery, its what the world needs!

I am from Oakland California, I was born there in 85 into the care of two people who were not together anymore. My youth was spent in either Poor or Solidly middle class urban California style, and I changed schools 14 times in 12 years. I have spent much of my life without stability at home, and without many friends. As the years tick away I have less and less of people in my life at all! - I am a survivor of emotional and physical abuse that caused me some serious trauma early in life. I am a survivor of sexual abuse, also when I was a kid...
I have never had any "treatments", Sessions, or taken any pills in life for anything other than a headache...

In 07 I developed serious symptoms and aggression, and I sought help. I was told that the only option under my healthcare plan was to attend group crisis sessions at the local Sacramento hospital, and that if the nurse in charge thought I needed help- I would be referred to a psychiatrist for pills. I knew that pills would hurt my body, but that was all they said they could do...
I took my care into my own hands, and needless to say- I didnt go to group therapy or take any of their pills.

I was given a book describing Social Phobia, and It has been a Long Road of Slow SLOW and often Painful Progress. It has been lonely too! Life has been fraught with trouble in every major aspect for the last few years, I have lost family relationships due to blow outs, my best and only friend had a blowout after we walked to Oregon for a fresh start - that was a year ago, and I have survived the last year living homeless (Without a car, True Homeless) for the first time.

I have never been to a shelter, never been to a food bank, never begged a red cent from anyone. I had a job 5 days after being "on the street". I want to earn enough money to live indoors and go to school, and even though its just myself without car payments, debt, or expenses other than basic food, "fun",and logistics- I havent been able to make ends meet yet.

Often co workers and folks around town say they envy my "life" without bills, they tell me not to be bitter- but all I want is a Home and a Job, Friends... some way forward. They dont understand that this isnt Life, this is Survival.

None the Less, How I stay Alive is not something just anyone could do, frankly - What I think makes sense just isn't an option for other people, physically, mentally, or otherwise... I left Oregon in defeat and walked alone back to California with $75 in my pocket, I dont hitch rides... I dont think people believe a word when I say it!

Sorry, This is a Wall of Text... I want yall to know there are folks out there like me (i think), and that We have things in Common. Recently I have had some symptoms return so I am reaching out to help others, I am pretty much ok on my own - but Helping People Helps Me, and I feel that if my experiences are ANYTHING more than some Sick Nightmare- They Qualify me to be Friendly to folks suffering things kinda like what I have been through in Life.

Halla at Your Boy - You can email me at excite.com, CaptainOvaltine
Dont worry Mods, No one will stalk me or try to shame me- I dont use social anything - AND I have a professional arrangement with SlenderMan. Nuff Said!
Take Care of Yourselves,
"You are Good Enough, You are Smart Enough, and Dog-Gone-it, People Like You!"

Howdy back to you! I love your welcome message . . . very uplifting for those of us who find our lives a trial. I commend you for your outlook on life and your future goals even while in your current situation. Your do-it-yourself healing is amazing. I know your road is long and rough but with your kind of determination and sense of self-worth, I know you'll rise above. I remember in rehab when I first heard, "but for the grace of God, go I" and fully understood the ramifications. I was in that same boat, rowing down the river of self-destruction. But for the Grace of God, I would have died. I also lost everything that was precious to me, but I wanted to live and wanted to put back together the worthwhile remnants of my life.

As a child and adult of sexual, physical and emotional abuse I can truly relate to the dysfunctions in your being. Confusion is instilled in us from the day that we can understand the injustices done to us. Our goal should always be to learn forgiveness, take ownership for our part (if any), explore our new world, redefine ourselves, set goals for living and rise above it all. You're an inspiration as you're learning to start from the bottom.

I'm so glad you found us as we can all learn so much from one another and we definitely care. Again, welcome to our "quiet" place . . . hugs