Welcome Leah, congratulations on your wonderful accomplishments. It must have taken a lot out of you with school and family. Pat yourself on the back . . . we're proud of you.
I'm sorry you're feeling the stress of having a lot to overcome at this time. Stay strong; you cannot die of anxiety and panic. Please know that things can and do get better and suicide is never an option. I know that the thought flitters in and out during times of anxiety and/or depression, but you have such lovely little gems of your making depending on you
There are many avenues that we can take to pull ourselves up out of depression and anxiety.
I always ask that we take care of our physical bodies. As a nurse, you know that a healthy body equals a healthy mind. Balanced meals, daily exercise, 8 hours of sleep. If you're not already in therapy, please seek this most important part of the treatment of anxiety disorder. Tell your Dr. all that you've written here.
It does take time and a lot of effort, but the results are so worth it. Once you're right with yourself, you will find that you will see life through a less jaundiced eye. Marriage counseling is also an option during or after as recommended by your psychologist/therapist.
Again, please know that you can take back your life and make it enjoyable once more. Many of us here are living proof of that. Continue to read the blogs, forum posts and join in when you can. You'll find that sharing can relieve much of your pent up anxieties. You've come to the right place where each and every one of the people here have been through similar circumstances. You are not alone
Spend time here and share as much as you need. This can redirect your focus and also unburden yourself of anxiety. Learn techniques for managing your anxiety and panic. It does make a difference. May you heal from your surgery and I pray for your well-being . . . hugs