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New here and desperate for understanding and help
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TOPIC: New here and desperate for understanding and help

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#24285
helpbeanie (User)
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Posts: 1
graphgraph
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New here and desperate for understanding and help 5 Years, 4 Months ago  
I am new here, but not new to anxiety and panic disorder.
I am 31 years old, married with four kids ages 4/6/10/ and 12.

I had my first panic attack at the age of 23. I have had my share of horrendous struggles on and off ever since then.

Lately things have been turing for the worse. I had surgery on my foot almost two months ago and have been very limited in my mobility, I am in school to try to complete generals for an LPN-RN mobility program, my husband is self-employed and always has been and he is unable to help support the family much (ALOT of resentments there), two years ago I graduated from the LPN nursing program with four kids on the Dean's and Honors Roll. This was such an uplifting time for me and my mental health. then it faded slowly when I realized I Still couldnt fully support my family financially and I needed to go back to school, takes out loans to support us and find a way to work and be a good mom.

I have been having horrible thoughts. Thoughts about suicide at times. Not planning anything, but just thinking about it during my lowest times of hopelessness. I take 40mg Celexa and have for years and I have .5 Klonopin to take PRN for panic.

I do not have any friends that are close, or friends really in general aside from through facebook. We have huge trust issues in our marriage and I am scared to have a friends at times due to my husband thinking I might go out and do something to break his heart. messed up I know.
I feel SO alone. I try to go to my Mom, and she just tells me what I should and shouldnt be doing. She is not emotionally available and never really has been.

My husband tries to help, but little does he realize he is the root of a lot of my emotional stress. Whenever we try to talk about it it becomes a full blow out argument and its not worth it and not fair to the kids.

I have had all ther heart test in the world, I also have health anxiety big time. Heart palpitations and fear immobilize me immensely. All I really need right now is for someone to tell me they've been there, and it will get better someday. I just want to be fixed! I am losing strength and I dont know what to do. Should I admit myself to get the message across? How do I get better, I am so tired.

Thank you SO much to anyone who takes the time to respond...

Leah
 
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#24287
tsuki (Admin)
Administrator
Posts: 927
graphgraph
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Re:New here and desperate for understanding and help 5 Years, 4 Months ago  
Welcome Leah, congratulations on your wonderful accomplishments. It must have taken a lot out of you with school and family. Pat yourself on the back . . . we're proud of you.

I'm sorry you're feeling the stress of having a lot to overcome at this time. Stay strong; you cannot die of anxiety and panic. Please know that things can and do get better and suicide is never an option. I know that the thought flitters in and out during times of anxiety and/or depression, but you have such lovely little gems of your making depending on you There are many avenues that we can take to pull ourselves up out of depression and anxiety.

I always ask that we take care of our physical bodies. As a nurse, you know that a healthy body equals a healthy mind. Balanced meals, daily exercise, 8 hours of sleep. If you're not already in therapy, please seek this most important part of the treatment of anxiety disorder. Tell your Dr. all that you've written here.

It does take time and a lot of effort, but the results are so worth it. Once you're right with yourself, you will find that you will see life through a less jaundiced eye. Marriage counseling is also an option during or after as recommended by your psychologist/therapist.

Again, please know that you can take back your life and make it enjoyable once more. Many of us here are living proof of that. Continue to read the blogs, forum posts and join in when you can. You'll find that sharing can relieve much of your pent up anxieties. You've come to the right place where each and every one of the people here have been through similar circumstances. You are not alone Spend time here and share as much as you need. This can redirect your focus and also unburden yourself of anxiety. Learn techniques for managing your anxiety and panic. It does make a difference. May you heal from your surgery and I pray for your well-being . . . hugs
 
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