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TOPIC: Never say never

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#14583
KlonoWafer (User)
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Never say never 8 Years, 10 Months ago  
I was an idiot. Really. 4 years ago after a severe panic attack time I started meds and at the same time changed my nutrition, started Thai Chi and Yoga and Meditation. The meds helped me to focus on the new lifestyle and the life in general. After I felt secure I withdrew the Klonopin slowly and felt fine. I went through month without any anxiety and was more and more convinced that I had overcome it. After almost 3 years I started exercising less and less and my nutrition went slowly back to old habits. I started having mild to moderate anxiety. Mostly 2 days before my period started. I guess my hormones are triggering it. I am 47 and I could go in a perimenopaus. I had a full blown panic attack lasting a few days with depression following it and now on and off anxiety, panic and depression. Back on meds. Xanax this time but only when needed and a minimum dosage. When needed means every other day right now. Sometimes one is enough, but mostly I need two. I might have to start with taking it everyday and hope it keeps it from coming back. I am trying to figure out if it has some kind of physical cause. Thyroid checks, hormon checks,... I am waiting for the results of the hormon test. The thyroid looks like it is the same like 4 years ago. A very light overfunction, but it seems to be there all the time and maybe not enough to trigger this severe reactions. My acupuncturist is looking for Hashimoto or graves disease on my thyroid. My Gyn is looking for the hormonal imbalance and my family doc is giving me Xanax because I have a history of panic. Well, we will see if somebody can find something. But I will never be as arrogant as I was and think it will not come back. You never know.
 
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#14665
cedar (User)
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Re:Never say never 8 Years, 10 Months ago  
Ok firstly "Don't be so hard on yourself" You are neither arrogant nor an idiot. You just hadn't come to the realization that panic/anxiety is really very clever! It can retreat for months even years and then BAM! Comes back with a vengance.

But just as before you can use your coping skills be it meds, therapy, exercise, diet meditation, yoga etc. or any combination of these to gain a sense of control. You did a great job of it before but may have gotten out of the habit of putting up a fight against your anxiety triggers. It is maintainence really that keeps the anxiety at bay I think.

Think of it like having to do oil changes and tire rotations on your car. These are just very basic preventative things to keep the car performing well. If you neglect just the simple regular oil changes pretty soon the car is gonna start presenting bigger problems within the major parts that the minor oil change will likely prevent.

It is the same with our complex minds and bodies. Just eating simple basic whole foods like vegetables and grains and fruits and meager amounts of protein, then moderate exercise and quiet reflecting time with our thoughts and fellowsip with friends and family can work wonders for our bodies and minds. All this is achievable quite simply. We just need to make our well being a PRIORITY. We can do that even while being caretakers of our children, our jobs and our homes. I don't say it is easy but it is just simply important to our whole health to take care of us so we are able to live a happy healthy somewhat normal life.

I know you have the skills because you handled it well for many years. You just have to apply those techniques again. You can do this!
 
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#14668
Reckals (User)
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Re:Never say never 8 Years, 10 Months ago  
I completely agree with Cedar. Don't be so hard on yourself! You beat it once, and you'll do it again! I'll even be the one to tell you "I told you so" down the line
 
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#14670
KlonoWafer (User)
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Re:Never say never 8 Years, 10 Months ago  
You are so right cedar. But I really wonder. I just had no time to exercise like I used to and I added sugar to my diet and some not so healthy things. I still had whole grain and organic fruit and veggies. Maybe not supplementing every day, but most of them. It was not like I did not pay attention at all. I really wonder if the changes in my body (perimenopause?) could have triggered it. It seems that my thyroid is a little hyper but that was the fact more often in my life. Always boarder line and sometimes a little hyper but not servere. Maybe I am so sensitive to these changes. Who knows?

I might have the skills, but more important - I have the survivor attitude
 
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#14672
KlonoWafer (User)
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Re:Never say never 8 Years, 10 Months ago  
OK Reckals! Deal. I will celebrate with you when your Lexapro kicks in and you have to tell me "told you so" when I get the control back over my wellbeing

LOL
 
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#14681
ceejay (Admin)
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Re:Never say never 8 Years, 10 Months ago  
Klonowafer -

I had something similar happen to me. I went a long time without panic and then due to some things going on in my family I started to obsess about my health again, believing my heart was failing and I started having insomnia.

Well, we all know what not sleeping can do!

I started to feel the familiar edges of my own special form of Panic and Anxiety and like you I started beating myself up.

But the thing is, if I hadn't decided to do something about it I would never have found this site!! It has been a tremendous boon to my recovery and my surviving! I had to get back on a simple exercise routine, watch what I ate, and pay attention to my basic routines of what I spent my time focusing on. I had to drag my thoughts off of the things that worried me, and really make myself focus on the things that make my life great.

I trust my doctor. We have a good relationship and I know I can always depend on him to be honest with me, to help me and to care about what happens to me. That keeps me from really hitting bottom. I, too, am pre-menopausal and often have weird things happen in my body.

I now know that this is "normal" and that aging is "normal" and that things will happen, change and develop in my body and that is okay. I can deal with it as it comes.

Acupuncture is such an excellent resource!! So is massage! WHen I first started back with the anxiety and wanted to nip it in the bud I set up a massage a week for six weeks. That was an amazing thing!!! It really helped!

So, don't beat yourself up - we're so glad you're back here!! You will begin to feel better, and you'll help others in the process!

Hugs to you!

Ceejay
 
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