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Mother is having open heartsurgery tomorrow
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TOPIC: Mother is having open heartsurgery tomorrow

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#23437
DesInDespair (User)
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Mother is having open heartsurgery tomorrow 6 Years, 6 Months ago  
The morning after Mother's Day, my mother had severe trouble breathing; liquid had filled her lungs and caused heart failure. She was rushed to the hospital. I was in the front of the ambulance, calling out to God to help her. She made it ok, spent a couple of days in the ICU and then wanted to go home because she refused to have surgery or take any of the drugs the doctors wanted her to take. She's a health/vitamin nut and she believes in natural remedies. She believes the doctors and pharmaceuticalc ompanies are a conspiracy to turn the American people into zombies. So she went home. A few days later, on Saturday morning, she experienced the liquid filling her lungs again, and had to be rushed back to the hospital. This time, she agreed to surgery, and to the medicine. They sent her back home. Tomorrow morning we're taking her to the hospital for surgery. Needless to say, we're all scared.

I've daydreamed my entire life. I've lived inside my fantasies and dreams since I was a child, and because of the abuse I suffered, I decided to pretty much stay there for the rest of my life. But now I've been thrust into the role of caretaker and I'm scared out of my mind. I'm already an agoraphobic with panic disorder, who does nothing but sit my fat ass in front of the computer all day and surf the web, talking about thinking about MAYBE taking steps to recover from this disorder, but not really. The ugly truth is - I had absolutely no intention of trying to recover from this. I was perfectly ready to sit on my ass for the rest of my life and daydream it away, safe from the mean, nasty outside world, where nothing can hurt me.

Well the outside world is here, and there's no running from it.

First of all, this disorder makes you soooo self-centered. My mother suffered an aortic aneurysm, she has diabetes, chronic cardiac disease, she suffered two heart attacks in the space of ONE WEEK - and all I can talk about is how am I going to make it in the car with her on the way to the hospital so she can register for surgery. Unbelievable.

How did I get to this point? And have I always been this way? I'm guessing yes.

Second of all, my mind is so full of thoughts of tragic "what-if" thoughts, my head feels like the inside of a beehive. I've been out of the house almost five times since May 9th, after not having left my house for months. And now I have to get my mind off of myself so that I can be there for my mother.

Have I prayed? Yes.

Have I praised? Yes. I have sung songs of praise to the Lord God, thanking Him for healing my mother's heart, praying the blood of Jesus over my Mother's heart.

But the reality of my mother's mortality has hit me like a brick wall - and I haven't taken steps to recover for my own life so that when that day comes (and I pray its not for a long time) that I will be able to take care of myself.

I haven't really been living a lifestyle of faith.
What I'm doing right now, is cramming - which is pretty much what I did all through school. Waited for the day before a test or the day of a test and crammed tried to read and memorize everything I could so I wouldn't fail. That's basically what I'm doing now.

I'm not even sure what to pray for, really. I mean besides the obvious: My mother's recovery, her healing, well that's enough, right? But I feel like I should be praying for something else. I just can't put my finger on it.

Maybe it's not true that I didn't want to get better. Maybe it's just that I didn't want it to happen like this. But if this disorder has taught me anything, it's that things won't always happen in the order you want them to.

I guess what I'm getting at it is - I'm terrified of what will happen after both my parents are gone. I don't think I'll be able to make it on my own without them. And that's probably because I've daydreamed all my life, and haven't sought a relationship with God.

I guess the ugly truth is - I want enough of Jesus to get into heaven and to help me out of jams, but not to really have a close relationship with Him.

I guess I'm not really ready to give up all the things that aren't that good for me in order to have this relationship. That's horrible to say, but the truth is the truth, I guess.

anyway, this is just a stream of consciousness rant. I would appreciate your prayers for my mother - to add your prayers to mine for faith for her surgery to go well, and for her to be healed.
 
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#23438
Irish (User)
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Re:Mother is having open heartsurgery tomorrow 6 Years, 6 Months ago  
I will definitely include her and you in my prayers from this day forword. I, too, had open heart surgery 20 years ago this July and everything is fine. I had 6 by-passes so it was not routine, but it will work out. This kind of surgery now a days is pretty routine for surgeons. She will be ok. Take care....Ed
 
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#23439
DesInDespair (User)
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Re:Mother is having open heartsurgery tomorrow 6 Years, 6 Months ago  
thanks so much Irish.
 
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#23440
ceejay (Admin)
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Re:Mother is having open heartsurgery tomorrow 6 Years, 6 Months ago  
I will definitely pray for you and for your mom. I hope things go well, and that you feel the support all around you.

Take gentle care,

Ceejay
 
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#23447
Cybervato (User)
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Re:Mother is having open heartsurgery tomorrow 6 Years, 5 Months ago  
I hope your mom's surgery went well and the recovery is going well.

I was just amazed at some of the things that you wrote I had felt almost verbatim at times!
 
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#23448
DesInDespair (User)
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Re:Mother is having open heartsurgery tomorrow 6 Years, 5 Months ago  
Thanks guys.

Here's an update: There was a complication during the surgery. It took longer than expected because my mother's arteries were sicker than anyone thought. So the surgeon had to bring her temperature down to 18 degrees in order to clean them. During that time she was not getting any blood or oxygen to her brain. After finishing the surgery, they brought her to the ICU, where she still is. I'm not sure, but I think the nurse told me that she's fully awake. They did a catscan, and said they didn't find any sign of stroke, but yet they can't explain why she can only move her left arm and not her right one. I went to visit her today, and she still looks like she's sedated. She's still on the ventilator. Her body went into shock because of the surgery and almost everything on her blew up, her face, arms, hands. They told me that they were waiting for the fluids to go down through her urine so that the swelling would go away and then finally they can take the ventilator off. But today I got the news that her kidneys are failing, so they're putting her on dialysis. The kidney doctor told me that there's more than an eighty percent chance that her kidneys will recover due to the dialysis. When I asked the doctor if she will recover, he told me "we have no reason to believe she won't recover" which to me is hospital double speak. She can move her left arm, and she can respond to commands. I sang to her, stroked her hair, and prayed with her. One of the doctors on her team said that at this point it's still a waiting game, that it's going to take a while for her to come back, but she is going to come back.

I saw her move her head, and when I made a funny joke I saw her smile a little. She even tried to squeeze my hand a little. She's awake and still like this? It's the waiting and the uncertainty about what's going to happen next that threatens to destroy me. I need God's assurance now more than ever. I've never had to have the big kind of faith that's required right now to believe for my mother's restoration.

I want my Mom back. I want her back home, well. Please pray for her, and pray for me to be able to hold on.

I'm believing God for her restoration, for her healing. It's hard, but I'm holding onto faith. I've never had to believe for something this big before.
 
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Last Edit: 2011/05/27 00:30 By
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