2003 when so conscious about my body. I have fats on my upper back so I bought this slim waist belt. That equipment is Vibrating. I just used that one for 2 weeks and after that, I already have this feeling of tight muscles on the neck, I cant breathe good too. have this back pain and sore muscles at my back
I went to the doctor to check for my condition. I went polmunary funtional test, ECG and some test. Everything was fine. Then my sis sometimes scolding me and that made up my mind to have the strength to report to job again. Also, I went back to work again because my worry is that, no work no pay... Also, I cannot have a lot of test in the hospital because I dont have much money for everything.
Going to work, being in the bus, I always have the feeling of intense... That I cant breathe there and I even want to shout and freak but since I am not having the courage to do that, I just calm myself till work. So a daily bad experience that one from 2003 till 2009. When a mass lay off happened to our company, I volunteered because, even in the canteen, while eating there with a friend, I feel so anxious and I feel like, I am dying while eating my food.
After I was laid off at work, I just put a little business at home. And eventually still travel. But I am wondering why I am always feeling dizzy whenever I go... I know that I have the panic attack but I am not really aware that this is already a serious illness that some people are experiencing.
But one thing that I have noticed to myself was, I am always tired, dizzy when I go out in some short distances. Also, I am wondering as when I want to eat, sometimes I am being anxious so instead of chewing the food, I feel panicking and that made me choke.
I am still traveling last year but only when I wanted to and needing something. But I seem limiting myself going out.
Something happened also last year, when my sis came there in my apartment and she lived with me... I am really disappointed as she seem doesn't want to spend money and thinking about the expenses while I am even the one sometimes shouldering about things. I am so desperate of the things she did. I feel like I am not her sister while when I was with them, her daughter and her, she spent her money for the food and things at home without any complain..
Here, I was thinking that since I am single, and since I am a nobody to one of my sis, no one will be helping me in the future if in case I will be sick. She so lucky because her children are already living a good life while I am single, no husband and kids, no one to take care of me in the future...
One thing the worries me..
Also, last year, I sometimes working online, 16 hours as my goal is to save money as that thought of my sis won't be helping me lingers on my mind.
Stress with work, the bad experience with my sis, I also worry about my back pain, also worry about panic attack and also find the word agoraphobia and that made me think, my condition with panic attack is no more an ordinary one as that already leads to agoraphobia.
Also, my worry is that, since I am having this panic attack and agoraphobia, who will be marrying a woman like me since I am already homebound? Also, was thinking, where am I going to get money, in order for me to survive with panic attack and agoraphobia?
Last thing that panic attack triggers last year of april was when I was in the mall and I was in the third floor and I was in the queue buying a keyboard. Suddenly, I felt like, I cant breathe and dizzy. I was so tense and subconciously, I want to cry and shout but I cannot. I went home and then thats it... I was so afraid sleeping at night time. I usually slept at 4 AM in the morning. 2 weeks that I dont even eat something but only orange juice and no steamed rice.
By the way, I am already having this LAMININE and that relieves my back pain and those tight muscles on my neck. Physically, I am feeling better 25 % the pain left(still waiting for another 3 months to be pain free). Only, I am still having that panic attack daily. But worst before as I am even in the shower room, my panic attack strikes.
I am taking laminine as I have a little extra money for it by earning online in odesk. But for seeing a pshychiatrist, I don't know when as I don't have enough.
One thing that I want to ask you, I am having the fear with the heights now... Travelling long distances, traveling on a bus or jeepney, or walking on a high overpass. Is this the outcome of panic attack?
I just hope that you guys can help me with the questions.
Please recommend me something that can eventually help.
Have heard about CBT and also the book of Claire Weekes, I don't know if that really helps.
P.S. Sorry for my english.. I am from Philippines. Correction is under your care.