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Having a really bad day, need some support please
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TOPIC: Having a really bad day, need some support please

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#24003
bonbonvie (User)
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Having a really bad day, need some support please 5 Years, 10 Months ago  
Hi everyone. I've had panic disorder and agoraphobia for nearly 7 years now. In the past few months, I've realised that the only way I'm going to beat this is to do things that I'm scared of, like getting on buses and trains, going into shops, etc.

I was making some progress. At New Year, I even went away for 2 days and got a train there and back. It was scary, but I felt so proud of myself for managing it. A few weeks ago, I went into town with a friend who doesn't know about my problems and even managed to stay in a busy shopping centre for 45 minutes - which basically felt like I'd just climbed Everest with no sherpa

But today, I decided to take the train into town with my mum. The train only takes 10 minutes and my mum is one of my "safe people", so I figured if I'd managed the other stuff, I could manage that. I woke up excited, thinking about how great I would feel once I'd done this.

Hmm. About 3 minutes into the train journey, a wave of panic hit me. I decided I wasn't giving in to it and stayed on the train till town. Went to the shop we were going to, and the panic just kept getting worse. But I stayed in the shop till we got what we needed.

By this point, I was dizzy and trembling and close to tears. On our way to the train back, the panic just hit me so hard and I couldn't seem to talk myself down. I ended up taking a Valium (something I haven't done in ages). Even the Valium didn't seem to calm me and they always work.

I refused to get on the train and we ended up having to spend a fortune on a taxi.

I'm now sitting here shaking and anxious, scared to leave my room.

My daughter has a friend coming to stay tomorrow and we have people coming over on Sunday who I can't cancel on. I'm feeling like there's no way I can cope and I just don't know what to do.

After making strides, I feel like I've just set myself back so much and now I don't know how to pull myself out of this.

Sorry for such a long post.
 
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#24004
concernedmom (User)
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Re:Having a really bad day, need some support please 5 Years, 10 Months ago  
People visisting your house...
Is it possible that for some reason you did not like some of your visitors coming and visiting you. From this end I am thinking that's what set your panic too high. If you think it is the case: would be good idea to talk all this through at least with your mom. She will probably have very good advice how to handle the greeting and all the other talk you were expected to have.
She is the closest to you and knows you the best. If there is around a relative that might serve helpful, I would go ahead and inform that relative and ask if by any chance you can expect help if needed: help around the visitors or God forbid: help with taking you to the ER or just calming you down. If you are religious person and you have some connection to your priest, call him and make some sort of "confession": it might pay of better to you than you expected.
But first of all, if you can: take some rest: get some good sleep. You might feel way refreshed after you wake up.
And don't forget that even that big of a hit that hit you: that still shall pass!
 
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#24005
ceejay (Admin)
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Re:Having a really bad day, need some support please 5 Years, 10 Months ago  
Welcome to PS!

We're glad you're here! And it sounds to me like you really had a big day! I know what that is like - it used to be very hard for me too.

You can get better, and maybe once you make some connections here, and realize you're not alone, you'll begin to gain some confidence in that!

I hope you get through your weekend plans without too much stress.

As concerned mom said - get some rest, do some breathing, and know that soon everything will pass!!

You may want to read around the Forums and see that you're really not alone!

Take care,

Ceejay
 
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#24053
losthighway (User)
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Re:Having a really bad day, need some support please 5 Years, 9 Months ago  
Well first of all, you are not alone in your experience at all. I've been agoraphobic for four years now and I've had periods where I do really well and then suddenly in one day it's like all progress I made is suddenly lost. Or so it feels that way except that not everything is lost--I've discovered the longer you deal with this condition, the more you learn from it. Meaning that you already know from experience that you can get better for certain periods of time. I cling to that whenever I'm holed up in my house afraid to travel anywhere. I got better once before and it can happen again and that's what matters. So even if you experience setbacks, at least you are past the stage of thinking that your condition is permanent.

I also find it helps to remember what life was like before the agoraphobia and trying to work little things into your life that remind you of the person you used to be. For me it's a song. I remember going on this road trip with my cousin once before I even knew what a panic attack was. We spent the weekend at the beach and I swam in the ocean all day long. And we couldn't get any good radio stations in the car, so we stopped at a Wal Mart and bought a CD to play during the drive. After hearing every song over and over throughout the entire weekend, we knew that CD by heart by the time we got back home from our trip. Now, if I'm having a bad day and feel like the walls are closing in on me, I put that CD on and remember being on that beach with my cousin. The agoraphobia is powerful but so are your good memories. One moment of relief from the adrenaline rush that floods our bodies is like that first sip of cold water on a hot day when all we can think about is getting something to drink. You just need to find your own good memories and hold on to them.

Some other things that help: watch a TV show or movie that makes you forget about your anxiety.

Call someone on the phone and just talk to them about anything. It's getting your brain used to socialization in a way that doesn't involve you going out of the house so maybe when you actually decide to you will be better prepared.

Go outside for at least 30 minutes (more is better) every day and just sit and read a book or listen to music. It gets your mind off the same walls you look at every day and focuses your attention on the outside world without the panic of travel. If you start to feel bad, just walk right back inside.

I also once wrote some inspiring quotes to myself one night when I was feeling good. I actually wrote on the piece of paper that I was feeling good at the moment and now I can go back and look right there at my own handwriting for proof that things aren't always bad. Now I carry this piece of paper around with me whenever I have to go somewhere uncomfortable and if I start to feel vulnerable, I just reach in my pocket and touch it. If it gets really bad, I open it up and read what I wrote (one of the quotes talks about the beach trip and how adventurous I used to be and encourages me to fight whatever I'm feeling and not let it win). Seeing those sentences written by myself at a time I know that I was feeling good often give me strength.

Finally, reward yourself with a little something every day. Let's face it, this condition is awful and we deal with enough crap every day from this alone without other things factoring in. We know what bad days are. Not the "I didn't get to have my coffee this morning" or "I'm late to work and I hate my job" bad days--REALLY bad days. We know suffering. So if anyone deserves little pick-me-ups, it's us. When you wake up, pick out a movie you want to see and rent it to watch later that evening. If you have an Amazon account, you can rent movies on it. Or use Netflix, or even buy a movie even though it's more expensive. Then, as you go throughout your day, remember you have a new movie to look forward to that night and often just that little treat is enough to get you through the day. Or order something and have it delivered on a certain day so you have something to look forward to. It doesn't have to be expensive--I once ordered a box of chocolates. On the day it arrived, that was my little pick-me-up. Just knowing that something is making its way to you from the outside world and will soon be at your doorstep is a small little thing to look forward to and trust me, these little things can add up.

Remember how strong people who deal with this condition are. You may not feel like it, but none of us asked for this to happen to us yet we deal with it all the same. Life isn't fair and there's nothing we can do but survive, and we do. Every day you live with this is another day of survival and most people will never know this kind of struggling. Take their worst day and match it to just one of your bad days and they probably don't even compare. This kind of hardship builds character, which is why I think we are all such brave, strong people. Never forget that.

Hope I helped.
 
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Last Edit: 2012/02/09 09:21 By
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losthighway.
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#24058
macksmom (User)
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Re:Having a really bad day, need some support please 5 Years, 9 Months ago  
"The agoraphobia is powerful but so are your good memories." That sentence struck a chord in me. This was a shining ray of hope to me.
 
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