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Can anyone help me, I feel so alone.
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TOPIC: Can anyone help me, I feel so alone.

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#22846
iheartsbc (User)
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Posts: 3
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Can anyone help me, I feel so alone. 6 Years, 10 Months ago  
I've never posted on a forum and I'm not sure what the forum etiquettes are, so i'll just try and do my best!!

I'm 26, female and first began suffering panic attacks at the age of 10. My mum was very ill, my family dysfunctional and then I began getting bullied. The situation escalated - missing many years of school etc.

At the age of 17 I learnt to drive and began regaining some of my life. I began working, and at 22 went to university (whilst still living at home).
Situations in my family life went downhill, I began caring for one of my Grandparents, even though I was finding work, uni and his care too much. However, in 2007 I was devastated by his death. I began drinking too much and feeling depressed.
In January of 2008 I had a very extreme panic attack, and fell into the agoraphobia cycle. I began to improve in May 2010, only for my father to have a stroke, my dog (who was my best friend of 16 years) die two days after my fathers stroke, and then my new kitten was killed by a fox. My health began seriously going down hill. I couldnt eat for days, then i'd binge on sugary foods etc. In september 2010 I was rushed into hospital with undiagnosed diabetes.
By october 2010 I was housebound again. I have remained housebound since. I have made very short trips out, but since xmas I have only ventured a couple of hundred yards from my home.
My parents are exhausted by me, constant arguing. Both their health declining. I have a loving boyfriend who doesnt know how to help me. If I wasnt so frightened of pain I would have commited suicide.
I have been having therapy by phone twice a week, which seems to make me feel worse afterwards..but I stick with it as I do believe im uncovering some core issues. I also have implemented a new routine. Waking at a certain time, working on my distance learning degree every day, yoga and healthy eating etc.
I just want to know does anyone think I can ever recover? My family life is still very painful, my mother is still ill, and my father had a stroke. If I could only get out of my house I think I could calm down but the agoraphobia prevents. I just wonder if I have some kind of brain damage, i've been like this since I was 10 years old..is this even possible.
Is there anything anyone can recommend to me? I just feel so alone. None of my friends know what is going on with me, and think I just dont want to see them anymore. I dont feel comfortable sharing with them. I just feel anxious and afraid of what has happened to me for what seems like every minute of the day.
Please any tips or advice for where to start.
Love to all, I really appreciate you reading this x
 
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#22849
titoRudz (User)
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Posts: 40
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Re:Can anyone help me, I feel so alone. 6 Years, 10 Months ago  
Hi,
Welcome to the forum.

Continue to be in touch in this forum. I assure you it is helpful. By just reading through all the posts in here gives me relief knowing that I am not alone with this ability we share. Continue to post and share your experiences. It helps to let it out. Just by seeing the number of views on my post gives me the relief and assurance that people care enough to read them and relate to what we have been through. More importantly, if I get a reply, it gives the feeling that someone empathizes.

You'll be fine. Hope to see more posts from you here.

Warm regards,

titoRudz
 
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#22850
iheartsbc (User)
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Re:Can anyone help me, I feel so alone. 6 Years, 10 Months ago  
thankyou for your response. I will start my own blog now.
You are very right about it being an ability. If we can switch the attention off the negative to something positive, I believe we would be some of the most powerful people in the world. There will be no stopping us!
I hope to find to the silver lining in the cloud of panic, and for you too.
Thankyou for reaching out to me.
 
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#22862
beachluvlie (User)
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Re:Can anyone help me, I feel so alone. 6 Years, 10 Months ago  
Wow, you have been going through a lot. When I have having severe panic attacks last year I became more and more agoraphobic as well. I was lucky enough to have a great friend help me get out and do things. I still have problems going out on my own. Is there anyone you can safely confide in and ask for help? It helped me to hear from someone that I was going to be okay, and who wouldn't get freaked out. Also, if the phone therapy is making you feel worse, I wouldn't do that anymore. What are they saying to you? I've seen counselors and phsycologists several times over the years, but it's hard to find a good one. Seeing one in person really helps though. As for your parents, it's terrible that they are sick, but so are you. You cant help anyone until you help yourself. Don't just disappear from them, but really stress that you love them and need support, even if they don't understand what is going on. You will recover, but it takes time. I can tell you other things that have helped me get through my most difficut attacks if you want...just let me know.
 
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