Welcome jwellz, I'm glad you found us. I can understand your fears where these thoughts are concerned. Yours could be a mild form of morbid ocd and left untreated can become extremely debilitating whereas we cut ourselves off from the outside word for fear of our compulsive thoughts. I also experienced a form of this type of ocd which included thoughts of tragic violence or accidents involving my loved ones. My solution was through exposure therapy.
Since I am not an expert on ocd, this excellent article written by a foremost expert/specialist in the treatment of this type of ocd might help you better understand. This may also help you decide which route to take in regards to treatment. Please know that there are different forms of morbid obsessions and not all compulsions pertain to every individual. The levels of ocd varies. Rest assured, you're not alone in this. There are many of us out there who have found a way out.
Please continue to read, post or blog. Blogging helps to open your concerns to a wider group of survivors. If there is anything I can help you with, please private message me. Let us hear from you again . . . hugs