I'm happy you achieved the outcome you were hoping for! Let us know how you do pre-procedure . . . hugs

glad things are looking up for you.

Now if I can only get someone at GI or anesthesiology to promise they're not going to require me to go into full on freak out before doing something.

But if they do and if it happens I can just look at it as a future bridge that won't get crossed instead of trying to keep that future bridge open now.

Well I've decided to compartmentalize the assorted panics.

This is not the biopsy. That was a higher cancer possibility with a 25% death sentence. It was a real operation.
This is most likely not cancer it is something I've had a lot of times before and it's only my age that makes it worthy of looking into. It's not an operation and even if it is cancer it would only mean a colostomy bag at worst (which if you think about it would remove the need for bathroom panics and that's a huge source of the agoraphobia). At least that's my story.

The procedure is hardly any more than I've done many times before at a place I've been to many times before (even if that place is the cause of much of my doctor phobia, I'm not focusing on that right now). The procedure may be more invasive than I've had before but I'll be out for the whole thing.

The agoraphobia panic is not that bad and may not even exist. Its not that far across the river and I'm not driving.

So it basically comes down to the IV. I have nothing for that one. The fact is it is something I don't like. But it doesn't hurt as bad as a needle.
As long as I'm not going with the anticipatory panic over it it doesn't have to last that long as long as they don't plan on putting it in and then leaving it in without giving me anything. If they do they'll get an outwardly visible panic that they will be willing to do something about since the IV is already in.

Now to figure out some sound loops to counteract any self-talk that would defeat this line of thought.
I also have some bagpipe music loaded on my mp3 player with the thought that they don't have much in the way of rhythm to feel like a heartbeat and cause panic like most music does with me.

I'm not perfectly fine with this but better. I may not be good that day but at least I can get to that day easier.

It was today.

After I got a call from Gastro Friday to remind me of the appointment and that nurse changed my arrival time in spite of me saying my paper had a different time I decided I was pretty much never getting another colonoscopy. These Gastro nurses were just jerks (she also hung up on me, although I can't really blame her, LOL).

So after a good old "just deal with it", which he should know better my roommate said he would make sure they listened in pre-op.
I made sure they allowed him into pre-op.

I don't know how much he helped in making them listen because I was so panicked it's all a blur but I know they said a nurse would be in to put the IV in and I said no, not until you're ready to put something in it.
They went and got the anesthesia nurse and doctor in there. They really listened. They understood.

Getting the IV was hell. If that had been what getting my last IV was like there's no way I could've categorized that away. Which means the anticipation of the next one won't be good.
I imagine if it took me 3 nights to get over a blood test this is going to stick for a while.

After today I'd consider another one. Yes getting the IV was terrible but the promise of some relief after it was in made it tolerable.
What I will do if there's a next time is instead of asking the consult nurse for whatever procedure I may need about dealing with my panic, I think I'll try telling them.

Drinking the prep was bad but holding back the waterfall was nothing I haven't had a lot of experience at doing. I guess long time panic disorder comes in handy for something.

No polyps. Some inflammation they have to test.

The fact that you made it through panicky or not means you succeeded. That is great!