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Feeling guilty for anxiety
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TOPIC: Feeling guilty for anxiety

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#24756
Basokay (User)
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Posts: 2
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Feeling guilty for anxiety 4 Years, 11 Months ago  
I have a lot guilt/shame I carry around about my GAD. At times, it has controlled were I go and what I do out of fear of a panic attack.

Being married (to an awesome wife) I did not want my GAD to hold us back from things we wanted to do. So I just ate my anxiety and did it anyways. My mind said "what are you doing? You are walking into a fire!". My heart said I need to "suck it up" and do it because I can't my "little" GAD stop us from doing stuff.

There have been many occasions I found "reasons" not to something due to my GAD to go some place or do something. I still feel the guilt for it. I have told my wife at a later date why and she supported my decision but just said "please, just tell me. I will support it". However, I still felt silly, shamed, guilt for something I SHOULD not have an issue with.

I am a creative person and have always attributed my anxiety to this and this is "just how I am". I told my wife that my mind is literally a three ring circus. Ring one, anxiety over everything, ring two, things I want to do or work stuff, ring three, were I am at and what I am doing at this moment. I thought this is just how I am wired. After years of thinking this what I am I had that "aha" moment when I realized that is not how I am wired, I need help. I am still in the processes of seeking professional help.

I have been pretty functional at work and home. After 18 years of dealing with this I have built a "system" to manage. But I truly have an elephant size bag of guilt about not realizing I had a problem WAY earlier.

I told my wife today "I have anxiety over stupid stuff. Before we go to a place/event or whatever I have think about how many people are there, is there a "quick exit" if needed and traffic going there and list goes on and on. I hope there are there are others here that can relate and offer advice.

My question to the group is....am I alone in this feeling of guilt/shame? For me, the guilt/shame and feeling like a freak are just as bad as having GAD.

Thank you for reading.
 
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#24758
Azmom (User)
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Posts: 29
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Re:Feeling guilty for anxiety 4 Years, 11 Months ago  
Hi there

My anxiety/ panic started just a little under a year ago. I do understand how you are feeling. I remember when my panic was at its worst i felt this way. I felt guilty about not being able to do all the things I had done before. Mostly for my children. I was so upset as the summer approached. How was I going to do all the things with them that they enjoyed????? Family vacations.....I pushed myself harder that I ever imagined....I pretty much did the impossible. I don't know how I got through it. Just having by my side ( My family ) Im sure

Take care!
 
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