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Never Give Up
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TOPIC: Never Give Up

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#21252
lamy12 (User)
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Never Give Up 7 Years, 7 Months ago  
I tried to post to Survival Attitude but it would not copy from word???? One last try

About five years ago, I thought I would never be happy again. I thought my situation was so hopeless and that there was no escape. I started drinking a lot to try and feel good. I started having anxiety and severe panic attacks. I started to really believe that I was dying from my many symptoms of anxiety. I took ambien and klonopin to sleep and started to feel dependent upon them because I had terrible insomnia.

My marriage was not a positive relationship and I felt mad, sad, lonely, resentful, and disappointed. I was convinced that the way to solve my unhappiness was for my ex to change. We went to counseling but he failed to participate. I beat my head against the wall trying to make him change. I thought that if he changed I would be happy......all the while ignoring myself and my needs and becoming angrier and more resentful by the minute. I was not living but merely waiting for each day to pass. I felt extreme guilt with thoughts of leaving my marriage and taking my daughter's dad away from her. I truly felt there was no solution and I was destined to either die or be miserable.

During this time, I discovered Panic Survivor. I learned more about anxiety and panic. It truly was a relief to me to see that others felt as I did and understood me. I couldn't believe so many others were so much like me in the way that they thought and felt. I couldn't believe that people went through a lot of the things that I did. I started to think that maybe I was not dying after all.......could all of these things I was feeling physically really be from anxiety???? I had a shred of hope.......although it took a long time to truly change this thinking and it was only in the past year that I finally took the steps I needed to overcome that thinking.

I met some amazing people at PS that challenged me to look at things differently and focus on myself. I went to individual counseling and eventually did start focusing on myself........slowly but surely my outlook started to change. And so did my life. Not to say that things were easy...........I faced many challenges. But my anxiety and panic began to diminish.

During this process, I separated and divorced. I grieved tremendously for this loss and the loss of my daughter's relationship with her father. I moved out of state to live near my family for support. I became a single mom. I had to find a new job after working for 15 years at the same place. But I changed as a person and became more of a person...not just a body going through the motions of living. Although life has its challenges....I can face them now and know that I can get through it. I no longer have panic attacks. Anxiety lurks now and then but it is a minor issue. Five years ago I would never have believed I could feel so good physically or mentally.

Today I turned 39 and I have never been happier. I bought a duplex and have decorated it and love it. I never decorated the house I used to live in. I have an awesome job that is very fulfilling. I can make my own schedule and adjust my time when I need to for appointments, things at my daughter's school, etc. I live a block from my sister and get to see her every day and other family members often. I met an amazing person who is becoming the best friend I have ever had in my life. She is like a friend/sister/mom all in one and I am so blessed to know her. I have been able to do things I enjoy lke go to the theater, scrapbook, exercise, etc. I can't believe how great life can be!!

I just wanted to share my experience. If there is anyone that feels there is no hope....believe me...there is hope!!! Don't ever give up on yourself!!! lamy
 
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#21256
Irish (User)
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Re:Never Give Up 7 Years, 7 Months ago  
Wow, what a beautiful blog. That's more than enough what anyone could handle and you did it with anxiety disorder constantly giving you hell. Great outcome to your story lamy and HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Birthdays to me are the best day of the year. It's reserved all for yourself. Thanks for a truly inspiring story. Take care....Ed
 
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#21273
ceejay (Admin)
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graph
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Re:Never Give Up 7 Years, 7 Months ago  
This is a beautiful story, lamy!!

You are awesome and I'm so grateful to know you!

Hugs,

Ceejay
 
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#21305
4Him (Admin)
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Re:Never Give Up 7 Years, 7 Months ago  
Oh, my goodness, girl, you have been blessed and reading about it has been a blessing!!! Thank you so much for sharing. Best wishes on your birthday!
 
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#22980
truck (User)
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Re:Never Give Up 6 Years, 9 Months ago  
Way to go girl. Yes we have a lot in common. It gives me the chills. Yes never give up!
 
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#23378
rogermac (User)
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Re:Never Give Up 6 Years, 6 Months ago  
Wow. That's real survival and persistence. You must really feel proud of yourself, because you were able to change your life completely. Now you're even better than before.
This is true inspiration for anyone who thinks they can't do it!
 
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