Ceejay, again the words you write are so inspirational and I can relate to so much that you say. I think the main reason for my panic if my fear of living and my fear of life. I never thought I was afraid of life, in face I LOVED my life all through grade schools up to high school and some of college, but I have also always been very dependent on people. (I'm the baby of my household, and I got spoiled and babied) I've came to realize that I am afraid of life and being independent. I think this may be the root cause of my panic. The time it came too, sophmore year of college into junior year and on sounds like perfect timing for my panic to spurr if this is what I am afraid of. I love that you call it a "dance". That you are so positive, I find I can be so positive towards helping other people,and in fact love psychology, I have my minor already, yet I have such a negative attitude for myself and my life. It's quite sad. But I have been trying to be more positive and I think it's slowly helping. I also agree with you of all the things you notice about the world, such as you talked about your experiences with nature. I have a beautiful backyard and have always been close to nature (animals are my passion). I also have my art minor and find such great relief in painting. It's such a wonderful way to calm your stress and express yourself, even if you aren't good at it. It's still beautiful. I appreciate so much in life and I just wish this panic never happened to me. But you are right, it has made me more of a mature person, it shows me my determination to recovery adn live with this, and it allows me to appreciate life in different ways I couldn't before. Thank you for this article/blog it is very inspirational. Sorry this is so long, I have a problem with rambling.

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