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The First Tremor: A Spiritual Perspective on Panic Attacks, Part 1

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Tuesday, 01 July 2008

It is a tough task indeed to define the “first time”.  Looking back now I can spot traces of it throughout my entire life, hints, subtle whiffs of smoke.  I find in me now though a need to call something the beginning.  The beginning of what though?  Surely my very birth into the world was the beginning.  I guess its not the first discernable symptom I want now,for I could endlessly retrace my steps, scrutinizing every benign childhood worry and anxiety for signs, and most likely I’d find many, for, as I’ve said,it is my natural state.  It has always been a very real part of me. No, it’s not really the initial surfacing of symptoms I want now.  It’s something else indeed.  What I want now is the first time it gripped me beyond my control, the first time it took hold of me and sent me scrambling in all directions, the first time it was out of control.  This is where I will draw a line in the sand.  This is the point where the manageable became unmanageable, where the normal ebb and flow suddenly spiked in one direction…off the charts. This is where I passed from the realm of standard behavior into the realm of irregular for it’s in the first real “freak out” that we know we are very different than the mass of those around us.  Yes, this loss of control must mark its entrance.

            And where was I when this happened? Well, I was in college.  I shared an apartment with two other young men and I was very much concerned with being a twenty one year old male, and little else.  As it would happen, I found myself experiencing a moderately bad chest cold.  Don’t get me wrong, it was nothing particularly horrible and most assuredly something I’d experienced before, with the standard set of symptoms.  I had a stuffed up nose, felt a little feverish, and had a general sense of heaviness in the chest.  It was all just the sort of thing a few days rest, some extra water, and some vitamin C would rapidly take care of.  After all, I was a very healthy young adult; I would be fine. But there occurred something more at this point, something new – at least new in this sort of intensity. Really, there were several distinct things that occurred.

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 31 December 2008 )

My Dance With Panic

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Tuesday, 23 October 2007

(posted by ceejay September 2006; updated in Comments February 2011) 

Most of my life I was pretty quiet and good. I was a cooperative kid, and generally got along well with people. Sometimes I would get freaked out by confrontation and arguing, but I always thought I was doing okay.


Last Updated ( Wednesday, 16 February 2011 )

A Workaholic Survives

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Saturday, 20 October 2007
(Originally posted June 4, 2004) 

For most of my 30+ year career I have been a workaholic. I enjoyed my work and was very good at it. But for the last few years I have been working less, and have been much less interested in working. It is like I am trying to swim through "Jell-O" just to get up in the morning and sit at my desk. I think it started with my depression, and now the anxiety pretty well limits my output and interest.

Last Updated ( Friday, 16 November 2007 )

The agony of anxiety

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Tuesday, 16 October 2007

Posted by: Grangy on Tuesday, October 16, 2007


  Hi. I'm 49 years old and have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for about 23 yrs... I've gone through different meds and finally went to a psychiatrist about 5 yrs. ago. It's amazing how little the doctors even seem to know! I have had major panic attacks that left me crawling to the toilet and vomiting. I've dealt with the day to day anxiety that never goes a way.
Last Updated ( Thursday, 22 November 2007 )

My Damaged Youth.

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Monday, 27 August 2007

Posted by: JessieBee on Monday, August 27, 2007

When I first started with my panic attacks, I was in grade 5. The first memory that comes to mind when I’m asked about my very first attacks in when I was watching Titanic with my parents. My parents insist it was a different time, but that is the first time I can remember. Watching the characters o­n Titanic die triggered something, and I snuggled up to my mom, scared to death that she was going to die.


Survivor for over 10 years now

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Wednesday, 08 August 2007

Posted by: RedbeardNC on Wednesday, August 08, 2007

I am a 34 year old male, about 225 pounds, in decent but not the best shape. I suffered my first panic attack at age 23 - I didn't know what it was then. I was a music teacher who was invited (translated: set up for disaster) to conduct a supposedly-all-arranged community orchestra for an upcoming musical, and at the first rehearsal o­nly two musicians showed up.

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