I've read so many of your wonderful stories that I thought I'd start my own. Maybe a bit garbled, or confusing, as I've never quite written this out or even tried to piece it together in my head...but here goes...

Sometimes it is impossible for me to draw the line between general anxiety and panic. While my panic disorder didn't start for 5 or 6 years later, my anxiety hit me early.

You might laugh...but I first became a nervous wreck started at Disney World. No, I was not traumatized by the giant cartoon characters, or the rollercoasters, or hordes of people and their screaming children. I grew up in a small (ok, TINY!) town in New York state, in the mountains (you literally had to drive 40 minutes just to buy groceries), and my parents would take us on vacations every so often to get us out of the woods. Sounds nice, right? For the most part, it was. With one exception.

I don't know if I qualify as a "survivor".  This is all new to me.  I am a decent man with no history of any psychological maladjustment.

But since about middle of 2006 I've been suffering from anxiety.

When I was younger and I felt stress i could sort of talk myself down to earth.

Later as an adult, while in seminary I began preaching and discovered that my sermon would not get off the ground as I wished. I fumbled around over my own thoughts, repleted with “like you know” and “um lemme see”  I was afraid I didn’t have what it would take to be a real preacher... my so-called lifetime dream. 

I lived in the shadows of silent anguish for years.  As I drive to work each day, my eyes would fix upon a disfigured man who primarily suffered from a facial deformity around the mouth, so that he seemed to be making a funny face on purpose, but an expression that would never leave him. He used dark sunglasses to deflect attention, but everyone noticed anyway.  He limped somewhat.  I took many mental snapshot of this disfigured man and wondered why it hurt me so much to think about his hurt.  I came to the conclusion that it was because I also struggled to overcome a kind of internal deformity, a proneness to anxiety… perhaps even shame-based for lack of a better term. 

Ok, so I guess I'll start with a little backround.

I'm a 26 year old female,I have agoraphobia with panic disorder and severe depression. I had a fairly normal childhood (but not without traumatizing events)....I assume most people have those.  Came from a very functional loving yet sometimes stressful family.  Always had hard times forming lasting relationships. 

So I guess this all started when I was around 22.  The previous 2 years had been very life changing for me.  I went from being a 20 year old that weighed 280 pounds and was 5'10" with severe depression, self mutilation problems and a very very low self esteem to being a 22 year old that weighed 130 pounds and many many admiring fans of it.  I started to feel really good about myself and was living life to it's fullest.  Going out constantly, meeting all the people that never would have given me the time of day before.  I was practically beaming with self confidence because I finally had the life I had always dreamed of.  I was normal and people liked me. 

Do you always feel anxious and on edge? If the answer's yes, then according to anxiety charity NO Panic you could be one of 18% of the population that suffer from an anxiety disorder.

The term anxiety disorder covers a number of conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder, phobias and obsessive compulsive disorder as well as panic attacks. Anxiety disorders are viewed as a mental health condition that can be treated with medication, talking therapy and lifestyle changes.

If you think you might have an anxiety disorder or you've noticed that a friend or family member seems to be anxious all the time then read on to find out the difference between stress and anxiety and the signs and symptoms that something could be wrong.