The Dreaded Treadmill

Yep, I did it! I got off my lazy arse this evening, although it was the last thing I wanted to do, and hit the treadmill. I'm embarrassed to say, but I lasted only 15 minutes. That's okay, though; every journey starts with the first step, right?

I'm not going to push myself, but I do want to make this into a habit. They say you have to repeat something for at least 21 days before the routine takes hold. They also say no pain, no gain. Me, I say "No pain, No pain."

Wish me luck. This, hopefully, is the first step to a better me. For what it's worth, I can tell you from first hand experience that exercise is probably the number one best thing you can do for yourself to curb your anxiety and improve your mood.

And no, it's not a New Years resolution at all. It's merely a coincidence that I'm starting this the first week of '09. Honestly. I'm disappointed you'd even think such a thing. ;)

I'm not setting any goals here. I'm just going to introduce some much needed exercise into my life again. I've always been happier for it. No goals = no potential for disappointment. Just do it and don't think too much about it, is what I say.

Off to bed. Oh yeah, work went pretty good today, by the way. Everyone was in a much better mood than I'd anticipated, which made the day go by easier. And we were pretty busy, which made it go by faster. One down, four more to go until the weekend. Yay!

Back to work, SLAVE!

Back to work tomorrow morning. Wish I could say I'm looking forward to it, but then again, who the hell would be, right? At least I had a nice extended holiday. I've been off since Dec 24th. Can't complain about that. I got most of my chores done too. Missed a couple of things, but crying over spilled milk won't get it back in the jug.

The one big chore I got done was the winter issue of the trade magazine I edit. That's always one nasty frikkin monkey on my back, let me tell you. It's my own fault, since I'm a bit of a procrastinator. Why do today what you can get someone else to do for you tomorrow, right? I still have work to do on it, but at least I finished writing my editorial and book review. Now I've got to start looking towards the spring issue. It's a never ending cycle but it sure pays well, for a part time gig.

Well, it's already 10:14 PM Toronto time so I better say goodnight. Gotta hit the showers no later than 6:30 AM, and I'm a cranky bugger without my proper beauty sleep. :)

NEW BLOG IDEA...

I've got this idea for a cooking/recipe blog. Posting recipes here doesn't seem very appropriate, so I'm thinking of starting another one. My buddy and I are both single guys and we do a lot of cooking, but it's hard to cook quality meals for one. What we do is share our meals. For instance, he cooked a great soup the other day and brought me over two portions. Next time I cook something big, I'll pass along a meal's worth to him. We got talking and I came up with the idea of sharing our recipes (which we mostly steal form the Food Network TV) with the online world. What I'd really like to do is incorporate video into the blog, sort of like an online cooking show. Can you imagine, me hosting a cooking show. Maybe if I do it with a paper bag over my head with the eyes and mouth cut out. Just kidding.

Okay, that's it, I'm off to bed -- well, reading in bed first, followed by sleep. I know, too much info, sorry.

Got My Tassimo

If you read my post from Christmas Eve, you'll already know I lost out on finding a Bosch Tassimo single-cup coffee maker. Everone was simply out of stock and I was out of luck.

Great news! I found one on new years eve at The Bay. It wasn't on sale, but I explained to the clerk that they were out of stock on the Sunday before Christmas when I wanted to buy one, which also happened to be when they had a big sale on, and I asked her if she'd consider giving my a bit of a discount. I was hoping for 10% off, but she gave me 25% off. So instead of paying $190 after taxes, I got it for $144 after taxes. I'm thrilled!

So far, it has performed as advertised. I tried the Nabob breakfast blend first, but found it a bit strong, so then I tried the Maxwell House blend and it's great! This afternoon I had a cup with a shot of Baileys Irish Cream and I was in heaven. Warmed the cockles of my heart--my cockles were pretty frosty too, let me tell you.

Simply put, I couldn't be happier with my new coffee maker.

This, by the way, was my Christmas present to myself.

Another New Year!

"Meet George Jetson!
His boy Elroy!
Daughter Judy!
Jane, his wife!"

So here we are, three days into the ninth year of the 21st century. Aren't we supposed to be scooting around in flying saucers, ala The Jetsons! And where the hell's my Service Bot to do all my housecleaning and such?! Sure, we have that remote controlled disc-shaped vacuum but that's hardly a full-service robot, right? And when I say "full-service" I mean "full" service. Giddy up! :)

Okay, so it looks like we still have a ways to go yet. The Jetsons lifestyle is but a far off dream. But hey, look how far we've come. Some of today's wrist watches have more computing power than what landed Apollo astronauts on the moon. We have TVs that hang off our walls like pictures and deliver images that make looking out a window disappointing. And let's not forget that ultimate waster of time, the internet. Without that, we might be forced to enjoy the great outdoors, and no one wants to return to that Neanderthal world, right?

Joking aside, we've come a long ways since Hanna Barbera created The Jetsons back in 1962, one year after I was born. However, the future never seems to turn out to be as exciting when you're living it in the present. We take almost everything for granted. I remember how lost everyone was during the great blackout here in Ontario a couple of years back. No phones, no computers, no TVs, no radios--nothing. But the lights eventually came back on and we all went right back to taking it all for granted. Oh well, life goes on.

So what's in store for this year? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Personally, I haven't made any resolutions related to the new year, but I do know I need to get my act together in a few areas of my life:

1. I need to get out more: for walks, to meet people, to be more social
2. I need to be nicer and more open towards people
   
3. I definitely need to exercise more before I keel over
4. I need to end my long term relationship with junk food
5. I need to stop worrying so much about the small stuff
6. I need to consider finding a better job - that's a toughy in these dire economic times
7. I would like to meet a nice girl who can love me for who I am and who I can love back
8. I would like to take a painting course. I've always wanted to paint.
   

Here's what I have accomplished to date (all related to reducing my spending):

1. I reduced my cell phone bill by about $20 a month
2. I reduced my home phone bill by $30 a month
3. I reduced my cable TV bill by $20 a month
4. I started a budget and have reduce my spending by about $50 a week, on average

All in all, things are looking up, in a way. I hate to say this, but these dire economic times have actually been a bit of a blessing for me. I've never been good with managing my money, but now I'm actually obsessing about it in a way I've never done before. I'm counting my pennies, as they say, and it feels good.

There's still a loong cold winter ahead, but I'm not planning to let it get me down. Monday I'm back to work and back to my weekly routine. I hope I can mix it up a bit and get out more, but I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't.

Here's wishing you a wonderful new year, one filled with hope and joy. Please say Hi and let me know what you're hoping for in the new year. I'll cross my fingers for you--and for me too.

Christmas Dinner

Well, my Irish Stew was a huge hit. Man, it was some tasty treats. And I had enough left over to invite my friend Andrew and his girlfriend over the next night for leftovers. Everyone was impressed. In light of this tremendous success, I thought I'd share my recipe with y'all. I'm calling it mine, but I actually cobbled it together from a handful of recipes I found online. If you happen to try it, please do let me know. Or if you have any suggestions for improvements, I'm all ears. Sorry, no photos.

Irish Stew

Ingredients by order of appearance:

2 lbs. stew beef
2 tablespoons flour
2 tablespoon cooking oil
½ teaspoon dried thyme
1 medium onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, chopped
Salt & pepper
½ cup red wine

(I prepared the above the night before - see step 1. below)

1 pkg cremini mushrooms
2 medium carrots, cut into ½” pieces
2 stalks celery, cut into ½” pieces
12 mini potatoes, peeled and cubed
1 sweet potato, cut into ¾” pieces
1 - 16 oz can chopped tomatoes, undrained
1 pint Guinness beer
(1 cup of beef broth, as necessary)
3 tablespoons quick-cooking tapioca (a thickener)
1 tablespoon instant beef bouillon granules
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 clove garlic, chopped
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon dried thyme
Salt & pepper (careful with salt)
2 cups frozen peas
1 cup Italian parsley

1. Cut meat into 1” cubes. Coat meat in flour and then brown in a skillet (don't overcrowd the pan). Add ½ teaspoon dried thyme during last minute of browning. Transfer to Tupperware container.


2. Sauté onion and one clove garlic in oil, along with some salt & pepper, for two minutes in same pan in which you just browned the meat. Add ½ cup red wine to deglaze pan. Bring to boil. Scrape beef tasty bits from bottom of pan. Cool and transfer to Tupperware container with beef cubes. Refrigerate overnight.


3. Next morning: Transfer Tupperware contents to crock pot. Add everything else, except peas and parsley, and stir together. Add beef broth, as necessary, to top up liquids (should almost cover beef & veggies).


4. Cook on high for two hours, then low for six hours.


5. Add peas one hour before finished.


6. Add parsley 15 minutes before serving.

One thing I might do differently next time is to saute the mushrooms with the onions the night before. They were great "as is," but I think there was a potential for them to be even better. I'd also leave them in bigger pieces.

Merry Christmas to All

Here we are, another Christmas eve, another year coming to a close. I'm spending it alone again, but that's okay, I'll be seeing my Dad and my buddy, Keith, tomorrow. They're coming over for Christmas dinner. I'm making an Irish Stew in my crock pot. I know, it's not very conventional, but I just don't have it in me to tackle a turkey -- as much as I do like my turkey. We're also having broccoli and blue cheese soup and garlic bread, along with strawberry and rhubarb pie and ice cream for dessert. Should be fun. At least I won't be alone.

I had a bit of an anxiety attack today going to the grocery store. I really don't know why I was stressing so much. I guess I was worried I'd have to spend half my day trying to find everything on my shopping list. I got lucky, though, and got it all at the first store I hit. Yay! :)

I can't say I'm in the Christmas spirit much, although I did watch It's A Wonderful Life tonight and I'm taping Scrooge for tomorrow. I'm off work now until Jan 5th, so that's a nice treat. No Christmas bonus, but that comes as no surprise. I work for very cheap people. Oh well. We did have a nice Christmas party, I must say. The ladies who work in the plant really seemed to enjoy themselves and we all had a good time. I actually felt apart of something for a while there.

I've found myself worrying a lot lately. Not about anything specific or important, just worrying about any old thing and every old thing. I really need to start exercising again, but I'm always too tired after work. I'm hoping to get some sort of routine going while I'm off on holidays.

It rained here in Toronto today. We still have a ton of snow kicking around, but it's quickly turning to ugly gray slush. It's supposed to warm up dramatically by the weekend. I can take that.

I was going to buy myself a present this year, a red Bosch Tassimo single-serve coffee maker -- the kind that uses pods -- but by the time I decided to pull the trigger on one, the stores were all sold out. I hear they're great. I guess I'll just have to wait until they restock in January. I can't really afford it, anyway. It's $169.00 Canadian. I was kinda hoping for a Christmas bonus, but like I said already...

Well, I better say goodnight. Santa's slay might be skipping across my roof top any time now. Hope y'all have a wonderful holiday and best wishes for a happy and prosperous new year.

Merry Christmas!
Dave

Life Changes

I was just reading some of my blog from months/years gone by. Funny how things change, isn't it. I mean, I read about my social anxiety and all the turmoil in my life back then and it's as if I'm reading someone else's blog. I'm a changed man, I suppose.

The thing is, I'm really not. I still have my anxious moments and such, but my feelings about them are different. I don't know why, or what's changed, except for work. I never thought I'd be able to work for someone else, but here I am, doing the 9 to 5 and making it work. I'm surrounded by a wide variety of people all day, some very nice and some not so nice, some easy to get along with, some more than difficult. Had you asked me how I'd do in such an environment before I was immersed in it, I'd have laughed at the thought, shaking my head--not me, nooo way.

I think the fact that I've been relatively successful there has given me a certain underlying strength, which has spilled over into all parts of my life. My negative mind still whispers dark thoughts from time to time, but I fight it more than ever. I also think having a 40 hour distraction every week at work has helped temper my obsessive mind.

They say you never get over social anxiety. Maybe so, I don't know. What I do know is that you do have some control over it, but like everything, it takes work. I eat right, drink very little booze or coffee, don't smoke (never have), and get a good night's sleep almost every night. The only thing missing is exercise. I still haven't figured how to work that into my day, although I am taking 20-minute walks at lunch. Nonetheless, I'm making an effort and the effort seems to be paying off. I have new habits now, healthy habits. I still need to get over my struggle with ice cream and potato chips, but I'm slowly working on that too.

I'm not really sure if anyone's visiting my blog much anymore, what with me not writing as often as I used to, but for those who are, here's something to consider: It's not hopeless. If I can make positive changes to my life, then so can you. The secret, in my humble opinion, is not to try to do it all at once. Take baby steps. Introduce one new thing into your life that's going to help with your anxiety. Then another. And in no time you might find that those little changes have become a big change, a life change.

It all starts with you. You can do it, but you've got to want to do it. My guess is that if you're reading this, then you're already at that stage and are looking for change. The trick is not to try to change it all at once, and to reward yourself even with the smallest of successes. At least that's how I see it. Your mileage may vary.

I'd really love to hear from anyone else who has experienced some successes in moving their life away from the negative and towards the positive. Drop me a line, if you dare. :)

Been a while...

It seems like forever since I last posted. Guess that happens when your days are full. I'm approaching my fifth month at the new gig and the honeymoon's all but over. I still like it there, mind you, but the little excitement I once had for the job is history. At least I have a job, is how I'm looking at it. All the pluses about it are still pluses, but it sounds like there won't be a raise any time soon. Some people have been there many years without any raise at all. The problem for me is I can't live off what they're paying me. I can make it work for about a year or so, or until I fond something better, but that's it. It's a shame too, since I do like it there--the hours are good and it's close to home. I guess only time will tell.

As for the rest of life, well, it's been a little lame lately. I just haven't been "living," really. Been coasting through the weeks on auto pilot. Here it is Sunday evening, another weekend gone by, and the last person I had a conversation with was my co-worker on Friday afternoon when I left early for the weekend. Other than polite exchanges at the grocery or at a restaurant, I have not spoken to anyone at all. The thing is, it doesn't even seem to bother me.

I'm thinking of taking a night school course this fall, but am worried about how I'll manage it with a full time job and all. I really do need to get into something again, make an effort to make life interesting. Waiting for life to happen gets you nowhere. You get out of it what you're willing to put in. No pain, no gain, as the saying goes. I guess we'll see.

I've got a weeks vacation coming up in September. I'm going to clean my windows. Wow, what an adventure. Maybe I'll write a book about it. I'm also going to do some research on potential employers and get my resume spiffied up. The second last thing I want is to change jobs, but the last thing I want is to lose my house by staying at one that doesn't pay me enough to pay my bills.

My anxiety has been at an all time low. I'm not sure why, to be honest. I think it's combination of not socializing, drinking very little, and eating right. I've also been taking these stress tab vitamins that are probably helping.

I miss blogging, but my time's no longer my own. I can't even make any promises about blogging more, because I'm just not sure about anything anymore.

Anyway, sorry if I'm coming off as a Debby downer; it's my life as I see it, is all. I'll try to write again soon. Next time I'll wait until I have something exciting and uplifting to write about.

Over a month at my new job

I can't believe it's been over a month at my new job. I have to say, so far it's been a very good experience. I seem to be well liked and respected and I fit in. I've brought forward a handful of useful ideas and my boss says I'm doing great. Talk about a boost to my confidence.

The place is very busy, but that suits me fine. I hate having little to do but watch the clock all day. Here, you blink and it's 10 am, blink again and it's lunch. Next thing you know you're on your way home. I've lost about 7 pounds since I started there, mostly because I'm eating really good during the day. I walk the neighbourhood over my lunch hour, which also helps with the weight. It's also a great way to break up the day.

Anyway, my anxiety is at an all time low. The owner of the company wants me to visit a potential new client in the near future to see about doing work for them. I'm not even afraid one bit.

It's nice to feel like I've finally found something that's working out. I only wish the money was a bit better. I think that's going to change, though. They know I'm worth more to them and I hope they are smart enough to pay me accordingly.

I miss posting, but I just don't have much time for it any more. Hope everyone's been doing well.