Blog Entries for Honeyface

September 8, 2011

mjp@dls.net — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 23:00:00 +0100

It's been a little over five months since I've last blogged. It is amazing how fast time goes by when you're feeling good. I am happy to report that although it hasn't been 100% anxiety free, it has been so much better than it's been over the last several years.

I finally finished school last May and now have my BS degree!! I decided to sort of take the summer off since the kids were home and wasn't really ready to start working yet. So now my full-time job is l [...]

March 28, 2011

mjp@dls.net — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 23:00:00 +0100

WOW! I can't believe it's been almost two months since the last time I blogged. I haven't been coming on here much lately as I've been feeling pretty good. I stopped taking klonopin every day about four weeks ago. I had upped my Lexapro to 15 mgs and it really seemed to help. Well, that was then, about a week ago I started feeling the anxiety again. Not as bad as it had been, still thankfully, not enough to take the klonopin again; however it's unnerving to start feeling t [...]

February 3, 2011

mjp@dls.net — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Time for another update. Don't know why, but for the past few days I've been feeling more anxiety and have had a lump in my throat like I want to cry. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to cry...because I don't know the reason behind it. After talking to my therapist, she thought maybe it had to do with my brother (he died over 20 years ago). She thought maybe I never got through the grieving process with him. So I sat down the other day and wrote him a letter - relived when h [...]

January 8, 2011

mjp@dls.net — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 23:00:00 +0100

I figured it's about time I post another blog....let's see, I didn't get the job that I interviewed for, but that's okay because I seriously want to get my school done with before I start working, so it worked out for the best. As of four weeks ago, I started back on Lexapro, I realized that I'd rather be a little foggy and non-anxious then to be clear headed (at least as much as you can be with constant anxiety going on) and full of nervousness, tight muscles, and jittery [...]

December 1, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I've been off the Neurontin since Friday, haven't taken a klonopin since...November 22nd!! It certainly isn't because I haven't experienced any anxiety, because I have...but am trying very hard not to take anything unless I really, really need it.

So I started reading this book called The Body Ecology Diet....very interesting as I'm once again realizing that my problems may all be due to what I'm eating...or not eating. About five years back I saw a functional m [...]

November 16, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 23:00:00 +0100

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! all I want to do is to scream! I'm so sick and tired of this anxiety, I wish it was something I could beat the daylights out of because I think that would make me feel better.

Not sure why I'm so anxious today, well really it's been the past week or so on and off. Last Thursday I had an interview for a part-time office position. This is a job I think really want, however, not sure I'll be up to the challenge of making to work everyday for six hours!! The [...]

November 7, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Guess it's time to update. Not a whole lot to say, other than my Neurontin is definately NOT working. I've been on it for....I forget how long, maybe a little over a month?? My p doc keeps upping my dosage and I guess that's supposed to help, but so far it doesn't seem to be doing much of anything. I went from taking 100 mgs twice a day to now I'm taking 300 mgs in the am and 600 mgs in the evening. The first time I took that 600 mgs dosage, the next morning I woke up dizz [...]

October 3, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Since my last blog a few things have happened. As I felt myself going downhill I thought the best possible thing to do was to 1. call my psychiatrist and 2. call a new therapist. The therapist I had before was okay, but I had been going to her for over a year and when I first started seeing her I had asked her if she did CBT. She told me that she worked with the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, by Edmund Bourne and I had just gotten it the day before. So, of course, I thought this was a sign from [...]

September 22, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Okay, I'm seriously thinking about going back on an anti-depressant. Oh, I sure didn't think I'd come back to this, but I'm finding it harder and harder each day to keep myself from falling into that anxiety pit.

I've tried everything, yet I'm still feeling that awful anxious feeling that we all know too well. Walking, yoga, eating healthy, taking my stress vitamins, PMR, deep breathing, meditating (my time with God), journaling, letting my feelings be known, wh [...]

September 8, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well what started out to be a perfect day has slowly turned into a day full of anxiety. Big surprise, I have no idea where it came from...well I do and I don't. You see my dad was recently in the hospital with pnemonia (I'm not sure of the spelling). While he was in there I kept thinking about the fact he is 91 years old and not in the best of health. I'm sure somewhere in my mind I was thinking that he wouldn't be around much longer. I know this sounds a little weird, but I&# [...]

August 24, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Today my kids are officially back in school. This summer went be really quickly in someways and in others...boy, I'm glad it's just about over!! I was so concerned this summer that it would turn out like last year. Last summer was about the worst time in my life - lots of anxiety and depression set in - which I had never really had to deal with before. But with lots of changes in my life and the loss of my sister, I knew it was just a matter of time before the domino's began to fa [...]

August 7, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

It's been almost four weeks since I've taken my last Lexapro and my mind keeps going back and forth as to knowing if I made the right decision or not. It's been a roller coaster ride, that is for sure. Some days are just fine, no anxiety, or very little and then some days are awful - not wanting to get out of bed for fear I'll have a nervous breakdown. I have managed to proceed with my life, which is good. I get out and do the things that I need to do, go grocery shopping by m [...]

July 18, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I've been off of Lexapro for almost a week now. My last 1/2 dose was last Tuesday evening and I haven't had one since. I still feel good about this decision - I really feel it was the right one for me. All of those things I wrote about in my last blog never happened...big surprise as most thing that we worry about never turn out happening.

I don't know how long it takes for the anti-depressants to totally get out of your system, so I'm not sure if I'm working on my [...]

June 23, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 23:00:00 +0100

This is day number 5 or 6, I guess depending on how you look at it. As of Friday of last week, with the help of my psychiatrist, I cut my Lexapro down from 10 mgs to 5 mgs. I will do this for the next two weeks and then the following two weeks it's 5 mgs every other day, then nothing.

When I first decided to do this, I was very excited about it - almost manic. I felt like this was a good decision. It wasn't working any more and my doctor had already been planning which me [...]

June 16, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Okay, just felt like blogging...I guess because I've been feeling a bit more anxiety and thought if maybe I write it down, I'll be able to take a look at it and get a better perspective on things.

So I just finish my Spring semester finals and I've got the next couple of weeks off and not really sure what to do with my time. I know I should be doing some things with the kids..but frankly, I really don't want to...does this make me a bad mom??? I don't know my 15 year [...]

May 6, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Wed, 05 May 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Almost a month since my last post and just wanted to update anyone who is interested as to how things are going.

In the last two weeks my father finished his radiation treatments, hopefully for the last time and hopefully all the cancer is gone. However, my mother fell and has broken both her shoulder and her pelvis and is in rehabiliation now for the next couple of months. My poor dad has to stay alone in their house and I feel extremely nervous about that. He is old and has trouble se [...]

April 10, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well I did it, I went on vacation. I really didn't think I'd be able to, I was nervous and scared that I'd flip out on the plane or something, but I not only didn't flip out, I wasn't even nervous or scared. So for anyone who has followed my blogs, they know that I've had a recent setback with anxiety. Over last summer, it was awful, it was a combination of my sister's death, my daughter's graduation and going into high school and my own college graduation [...]

March 12, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

It's been about a month and a half since my last blog, so I figured it was time to update. The last time I posted I was just weening off of the Celexa and on to Lexapro. Well I've been on 10 mgs of Lexapro since and have to say I think it's workng pretty well. Although I still get anxiety and pretty much every day, it's not anywhere near what I was feeling before. I can at least go out and do things; grocery shopping (which isn't my most favorite), going out to lunch with [...]

January 27, 2010

mjp@dls.net — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost two months to the date since I've blogged last. Let's see, since my last blog I've changed my meds, I think at least twice. Started with Celexa, going slow and low and worked my way up to 20 mgs. Was okay for a few weeks and then started to feel some anxiety, so my psychiatrist suggested I go up to 40 mgs. I did that slowly and felt much more anxiety so took it back down again. Again felt good for a little while , until the anxiety cre [...]

November 28, 2009

mjp@dls.net — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 23:00:00 +0100

On Monday it will be two months since I started Celexa. Up until this week I was starting to feel pretty good. I didn't wake up with anxiety waiting for me. I could go out and take my kids where they needed to go with no anxiety whatsoever. I could go out to the grocery store...with my husband along, without anxiety. I was really starting to feel as though this was really working for me. On Monday of this week, I don't know what happened, but that old familiar feeling came back. I sta [...]