Blog Entries for MissJennifers

AHH!!!!!!!

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Sun, 26 Aug 2012 23:00:00 +0100

I'm sitting here staring at my computer screen wishing my fingers could type what is inside my head.

Almost 2 weeks ago I started a slow weaning process to get off xanax. I realized that even though I feel I need this medicine, I cannot keep taking it after 8 years straight of ridiculous doses. My psychiatrist put me on 2mg/day about 4 months ago, which was the lowest I've been on in awhile. It would ONLY help with withdrawals after a month of taking it. I wouldn [...]

Hitting low points.

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Sun, 24 Jun 2012 23:00:00 +0100

Yesterday I had a doctor appointment. I've never been there before so that gives me anxiety. My husband and son went with me (I don't go anywhere alone or drive). Before we left I felt the panic coming on. During the car ride there I felt it even stronger. The xanax I took before I left wasn't helping. I was thinking of taking another one but I wanted to try to control it myself before having to take more. When we got there I realized it was on the 3rd floor. That gave me ev [...]

Panic attacks can kiss my you know what.

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Sun, 17 Jun 2012 23:00:00 +0100

Ugh I've been so annoyed with these daily panic attacks! They are SO bad!!! I hate leaving the house but I needed to get out before I went crazy. I did the only thing that I can handle without too much anxiety and went fishing with my husband while my mom watched Nathan. I started a vlog on youtube. I don't know if anyone would be interested in it but here is the link to it:

www.youtube.com/user/MissJenniferVlog

Nathan will be 5 months on the 24th! Getting bigger an [...]

Anxiety, baby, and xanax

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:00:00 +0100

FIOJAEGOIAEOGIJAEOIFJA that's my angry I just poured my heart out in my blog and somehow the back button got clicked and I lost everything. Dammit. Okay in short because I'm not typing that out again:

1. I'm having a panic attack and it sucks sucks sucks & building a tolerance to my xanax so I bascially am taking it only to avoid withdrawals, but I'm addicted to it. And I only have one left until about 8 more hours from now and that makes me feel uncomforable. [...]

Hate these panic attacks!

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 23:00:00 +0100

Sigh. I really hate being alone. Well, I'm not alone...I'm with Nathan. But alone to where I don't have help if I need it. It just scares me. The other day out of no where I had a horrible horrible panic attack, thankfully my husband was home. They kind of set me back when I get bad ones because I know they can happen at any given moment.

Yesterday I was still feeling pretty anxious but I pushed myself to go to the store and buy Nathan a really nice automatic swing (which h [...]

My reason...

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 23:00:00 +0100

THIS is my reason for living, my son. To go on and be strong, regardless of my anxiety, depression, etc. I'll get through this, for us. I love you.

Nathaniel born January 24, 2012

Coming Clean.

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Warning: Post may be triggering to some.

I guess I could blog and write about things until my fingers bleed, but what good would it do? Does it change anything? No, it hasn't. But since I'm seeing a new therapist now, maybe it would be a start to have somewhere to write down what I need to talk to him about and get it out somewhere other than my mind. The things that changed me as a person and made me who I am today. I don't really WANT to have to face these thi [...]

Getting Away From Me

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 23:00:00 +0100

My husband left a little bit ago, I think he needed to get away from me...

Yesterday wasn't good. He was in a bad mood and not really talking to me that much. So I tried talking with him, trying to give more affection to him, but he was kind of just checked out. I didn't think too much of it, people have bad days. He fell asleep around 10pm, I was awake so I went on the computer and went into a depression chatroom and was on there for awhile. He woke up and I talked to him but I [...]

I'm crazy.

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 23:00:00 +0100

How is it possible to still have anxiety this entire time. I did get to sleep for about 4 hours. Woke up about 2 hours ago and the instant I woke up had anxiety. My body feels like its going to crash from the stress I have. I keep having to gasp for a breath. All these irrational thoughts are driving me insane, and I say irrational because I know they are on a certain level, but I cannot get my mind to really believe they are irrational. I do such weird things...I have to have my bathroom doo [...]

Awake with panic

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Here I am again, 3 in the morning, can't ever sleep anymore because of my high anxiety that I get especially at night. I'm struggling to breathe. I can't lay down and lay still. I really don't understand how my body can be in this constant state of panic ALL the time. I have anxiety all through the entire day. Then it peaks and I get an attack. I've had two severe attacks today, including this one. About a half hour ago I went in the bathroom away from my sleeping husband [...]

Thoughts from hell...

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 23:00:00 +0100

My husband just left to go to his first day of work, he's just filling out paperwork and stuff today. He's been unemployed for about 4 months and I've been with him everyday all day. So now that he's gone it's freaking me out. I'm not really used to being alone. And my anxiety is way high.

So here I am, thoughts going crazy, hating being alone, scared, anxious...sitting in my bathroom, listening to music, and having my razor blade sit next to me. Thinking of a p [...]

Crashing...

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Today was my mom's birthday. She has helped me out SO much these past years I wanted to do something special for her. I HATE going out in public so this afternoon I was going to go to the store to pick up some dinner items for her to make her dinner and I couldn't bring myself to go. I had to have my husband do it while I stayed home and baked a cake.

My mom came home early from work (I live with her and my husband) because she was having chest pains and needed to relax. I [...]

My First Blog Post

coronalove13@yahoo.com — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Okay, so this is my first blog post on this website. I was browsing around the internet trying to find somewhere I can just write something about my anxiety, depression, etc. and this will do. I doubt anyone will read these, because I'll probably have long, boring posts...but I definitely needed somewhere I could just vent away.

As of right now I'm freaking out...have anxiety but it hasn't gone into full blown panic attack, that's why I'm writing. I woke up like this [...]