Blog Entries for Melly0399

MEDICATION ANXIETY

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Hi, its me Melanie... from BC... still alive out here... still really struggling with taking any kind of medication.. Manage to throw my anti depressant down the hatch everyday but like I wrote in earlier blog wont take a tylenol or naproxen.. which both I used to take regularly.. I know its narcotic.. has to do with some wierdness with me pills in body cant get it out???? yes wierdo stuff.. any suggestions.. I am sitting here in brutal hip pain with my pills right here but do I take one?? No [...]

MEDICATION ANXIETY

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Melanie in BC Hello anyone who remembers meeeeeeeeeee

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Hi, I was thinking about this group tonight.. you were all so helpful.. its been almost a year now since my terrible time. For a little update.. I am now working most weeks four days a week, doing my housecleaning gig. My daughter is still with me Monday to Friday.. I have a new man in my life the last five months now.. who is very understanding and kind to me.

I still struggle with anxiety and the occasional panic attack. I am still taking fifteen milligram citraplex. I have been thin [...]

Melanie in bc ANOTHER UPDATE

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hi everyone, well I seem to have ditched this site for the most part when at one time it was my support and was on here several times a day. I mostly dont come on here because as I always sayto my friends "the number one rule about anxiety is dont talk about anxiety unless I mention it." LOL Its true though I try not to think about it.

Well I made it through my daughters dad moving away to Ontario, he is moving back in a week, but I have been totally on my own the [...]

MELANIE IN BC.. MAJOR UPDATE

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hi everyone... well its been over a month again at least.. big changes... so I was starting to settle down then my daughters dad dropped the big one. He is moving to Ontario.... he told me a week ago and is leaving in a week exactly. Going to live with a girl hes in LOVE..

So of course I went into pretty heavy anxiety.... even had a panic attack last Saturday.. its all about my daughter will be with me alone.. and I will have no safety person here. BUT I was settling down qu [...]

Melanie in bc

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hi.. everyone, think its been almost two months.. so here is a update. I have my daughter home now regularly..she is with me mon-friday as per usual before the breakdown. I am starting to work more, picked up a few jobs. I am off the clonazapam but still on the citraplex.

I still struggle with anxiety, not very many panic attacks at all, but Ifeel keyed up most the time still... hope all is well

NEW UPDATE

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Sat, 08 May 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hey all, its Melanie here, been a while again but I have some good news.. first of all I finally had my daughter back for the night last night!!! My visits went from one hour to about 8 hours and I finally had her sleep over.. was a long hard road but I made it there. I am hoping now to be back on regular schedule within a few weeks.. her with me during the week and at her dads weekends.

I am starting to work more too, I have my own house cleaning business and am back pickin [...]

UPDATE BEEN ALMOST A MONTH

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hi everyone its Melanie here... well how am I doing? Am I cured yet? LOL Anyway I am doing for the most part alot better. Daughter is still not home overnight yet BUT I am picking her up from daycare about four times a week at noon and dropping her off at daycare or my ex's dads around five ALL BY MYSELF. It is becoming more normal to be around her although I have had a few challenging days. I also usually see her on the weekend. Her dad is moving way closer this week, I am honestly [...]

UPDATE

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hi all its Melanie, well I havent blogged on here almost a week.. does this mean I am getting better???? LOL Anyway I am still taking 15mg Lexapro everyday now for over a week so that is good ... YAY for me...still taking about .25 of clonazapam a day in four crumbs.

I think the anxiety is getting better.. I still have it, but I think the periods are getting less. Like I still can go into the fear and anxiousness but it usually passes after a while. Like right now I have it a bit but j [...]

STILL HERE

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hey its Melanie. Well for the most part I have been improving. I am still getting fearful moments at times, and feel the fear but am coping with life ok. Still some fear like I said and moments of anxiety.

I still dont have my daughter back.. I had her over for a little over four hours today..and then she got picked up. Of course I can keep as long as I want but I still just start getting anxious. Nervous, not about her or her behaviour like that I cant handle it but just on edge. [...]

today

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

WOW seems like forever since I blogged yesterday... all I wanted to share was I took the fifteen of lexapro again today... day two... some of you know how hard this is with the pill phobia thing... off and on all day tripped out about it but hopefully with enough days go by.. hoping a few more will just become normal...

I am trying to have faith in God about my daughter. That is all I can say about that. I go crazy thinking of ways to get her back, create safe zones around it, its all [...]

BETTER DAY

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Quick Blog... ended up sleeping all day yesterday.. well four hours... but had a good evening.

Today woke up not freaking out, I finally took my 15mg of lexapro instead of ten.. to be honest been tripping out about it a bit in my head but ok. Kept busy today.

I talked to someone today and decided I am going to take a few days break from my daughter and just take the pressure off getting her back. I think it is really unhealthy communicating with her dad at all and I am putt [...]

bad

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Feel like things are going downhill. Waking up bad anxiety, starting to cry again. I feel like I cant take this anymore....why why why I want God to heal me so bad.. I dont understand.

HARD TIME

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I feel like I am going backwards the last few days... feeling more fear and anxiety... I woke up panic attack last night... on the verge of one now.. supposed to work then pick up my daughter... I wonder where god is and why he wont heal me... will this ever get better and stay better? I am so full of fear right now.. I am tired of this constant battle .. I just want my daughter home and dont want to lose her.. I try so hard why???

ahhhhhhhhhh

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hi, Melanie here. Well had a pretty anxious day. WHO KNOWS WHY. This morning I just woke up in fear and anxiety. Woke up took my crumb of clonazapam.. went back to sleep until almost eleven.. hung out with friends for a bit.. then back to bed from around 2-330 but then I got up and got in the car and drove across town in rush hour to go watch my sons rugby game.. so that was a success. Been home almost two hours now.. bit anxious.

Tomorrow I work and then see my daughter again for anoth [...]

Today

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well its Monday, I just finished a cleaning job and just getting ready to head out and pick up daughter from daycare. I am feeling a bit anxious right now.. think its called anticipatory anxiety... lol but I am hoping we have a good day and my brain just relaxes... want to try and have another 5 to 6 hour visit... after a few more I think it will be time for overnight.

It is so wierd how anxious we get about things. Like we freak ourselves out over the wierdest thing.. ex.. [...]

More Victory

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well today was a overall good day. Had some anxiety but my daughter came over about one thirty I think.. her dad dropped her off and I kept her til 7pm.. once again he went home... all the way across town ;) and instead of his dad picking her up from 10 minute drive away... I drove her to his dads. I think I could have driven her all the way home.. but still taking small steps which end in victory. I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had a fairly relaxing time with my daughter [...]

TODAY

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well after the success of yesterday I got pretty anxious last night. BUT I barely took any clonazapam.. so I decided I am going to seriously take four quarters a day no matter how i feel for a week.. this equals one .25. I did so well doing that the day before I had my daughter yesterday.. and my friend was saying well maybe it got in your system and needs to stay in your system. Becuase after that it escalated again.

But today woke up pretty bad anxiety but I still got up w [...]

QUICK ONE

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Dont want to think about it too much and will share more details later but this morning I drove all the way to the other side of town and picked my daughter up and brought her home... been three hours now.. bit edgy but ok.. I think it took me and her dad having a blow out.. her crying in the background.. yes it was sad and not good I know that.. for me to get up and go pick her up. I truly believe even though it was a ugly scene GODS hand was in it.

Night

Melly03_99@hotmail.com — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Ok.. well made it through the day. I went off to a AA meeting, and ran a errand all good. Then her dad headed over to meet me at home and Emjay my daughter was here for 2 hours. The anxiety came on strong again just before she got here, almost even had a panic attack??? He wanted to go downtown for a hour and I was like no way.. (he was across the street). After she left I still felt real anxious so I went up to my room and tried to zone out, read and ended up sleeping a couple hours again... [...]