Blog Entries for uticagirl

My sister

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hello agian,,, Well my anxiety has been up the last few days because I have been dealing with the fact that I have for good cut my sister out of my life. I know that its the right thing to do , but at the same time its really sad that its come to this. I just wish that the bond that we had was unbreakable, but its not. I will get over this soon, because its weighing me down, I [...]

OCD

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I am still suffering from anxiety and panic, but now i am dealing with OCD. I have been talking with therapist and she thinks that I have it. I sat and thought about it and i do have alot of wacko compulsions and rituals that have to do with OCd. I fell like a freak, someone who cant [...]

Will it ever end?

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Sat, 29 May 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I have not wrote in a long while, but here I am agian where I feel safe and that no one will judge me. Well I am dealing with anxiety still and panic and I hate it. I wonder every day why me,, but I guess I am this way for a reason right?, or god would not make me like this. I am going through some issues that have stressed out and i then have to worry weather my anxiety will just start up. I think that no one will ever understand me(my hubby) , that I feel like I am fighting this all alo [...]

Why is my life so hard?

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I know that life is hard but mine is getting really crazy. I am now in the hospital going on 6 days because of a medical problem. Being in here is not the greatest thing in the world. And some people just dont get it , and how being in the hospital effects the mind. My boyfreind just hates me being sick, but when i am sick and try to get better he does not like it because he has to be home and watch the kids.And with no support, maybe this is me being paranoid. I just [...]

Why is Love so Hard? (ANXIETY)

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 23:00:00 +0100

The realtionship that I am in , is like dealing with a Yo-Yo. When I go through the downs of the Yo-Yo it really takes a toll on the anxiety part of my mind. I mean we do not know how to communicate the right way, I mean I think that I should be able to say anything to him and have him talk normally to me. Is that to much to ask? When I deal with all this stress, my anxiety is like all over the place. I just dont know how long I can do this,, but not being in t [...]

i finally did It.

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well everyone I finally did it, did what your wondering . Well I finally cut my sister and my mom out of my life forever. The why well I finally got sick of all the hurt they were causing me. I just finally got sick of being hurt and sad all the time, they make me feel like I dont belong. Well now I just have to deal with the emptiness, that i will get over. I know that I will have mu [...]

Bad Luck!!

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I know that anxiety is such a hard thing to deal with,but now I am having a run of bad luck. Thats making me doubt myself and just be anxious over everything. Why do people have anxiety ? Is god trying to see how powerful i am .....Well I must not be that strong because i just can not deal with certain things , why because I just dont know how to process and deal with things. Does that make me a bad person, not being able to deal [...]

Do I do this???

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I have a real issue or speed bump in my road. Dealing with this journey that I call beating anxiety and panic, I also have to deal with my family. I have wondered so many times if I should cut them out of my life?, I mean do I really need all thier negative comments and negative energy in my life? No I dont . I deserve to be happy and living life. But no i sit here wondering if I should cut these people out of my life even though they treat me like crap. I mean I hav [...]

I can not control it.

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Today I went to walmart with my hubby, and i started to get that heavy feeling in my chest, feeling like I was gonna faint and my arms started to shake, so I grabbed a pepsi and took a xanax to make all those scary things go away. I feel so dumb, so ashamed that i sometime have to depend on a pill to make me feel better. I am so mad at myself that i can not control it without taking meds. Am i no [...]

UPDATE ON PROGRESS!

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

hello everyone,, I just wanted to give an update or well progress on where I am right now. Well so far I have taken my xanax 2x , even though I was totally scared to. But I thought that if I didnt my PAs would get worse,,, so I did it, and to my suprise it helped,,, calmed me right down.. Anyway I still am dealing with the anxiety and panic,(the anxiety is worse lately though.) I do not know what triggered [...]

DAY BY DAY!!!

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hello everyone, its been awhile since i have written. I have been so busy with my drs appts and my husbands drs appts.. I just wanted to write how i was doing. Well I have been takein life day by day, sense my anxiety started to get worse agian. It creeped back in on me and then fell out of the sky like a brick. I went to my therapist , and we talked about me getting a med that is fast acting if I needed it. I mean the one i take is for long term, what happens if I have a anxi [...]

UPDATE!!!!

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I just wanted to let everybody know why I have not been on in a long time. My life has become so busy I really havent had time to think , but yes there is still anxiety in my life. I am trying to concentrate on getting my life and then my realtionship back in order. I am starting therapy alone, due to my having anxiety and the feeling that my hubby does not understand ,,, i hope that works.... i want to be better,,, i [...]

Just A little Panic,,

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Today i was out running errands,, with only little panic and anxiety. Which is totally cool with me,, but also suprising. I guess that i do not know how to deal with a good day,, when i am so used to deal ing with only bad days and negative energy. I look to ny kids though and know that i have to be as strong as i can for them,,, and that is why i get up every day.

My family

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Just alittle while ago I called my mom to see what she was doing,, She yelled at me because i changed the plans for my son bday, She said it was my fault that she could not get to see him, she wrote this all over facebook,, I just can not take it anymore. She has put me into a full blown anxiety attack. This is crazy. I can not be like this any more, i dont deserve this. I wish I could be strong enough to just cut her out of my life. I n [...]

Me And Therapy,,

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well I found a counsler that i am gonna go to ,(the one that i have been going to with my husband), she said that she would see me alone and treat me (about my anxiety an panic).She is really nice and she takes the time to listen.I think that it will be kinda easier to explain my anxity and panic if I were not infront of my hubby. I kinda feel ashamed,weird,and foolish, Why i ha [...]

On My Way To A Therapist

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Today agian I am going to the therapist with my hubby, we talk about everything ,, and i feel kinda anxious because there is things that i want to say , but then i deal with the aftermath after we are done,, I just wish that he would be more supportive,, hey wishful thinking i know,,,,,

I dont think that anyone understand ME.

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I just dont know how to say this , honestly but i think that no one understands me. I get the feeling that i am just this weird person fighting my demons (or whatever you want to call them) all bymyself,,,, I try to explain what i am going through or what i deal with physically to my freinds,family and even my own husband, and i get this look like what the HELL are you talking about, this cant be happening , you are faking. They look at me different and treat m [...]

My UPDATE,,

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Today I went back to my primary Dr,,, I talked to her about wanting to change my anxiety meds, because the one that i was taking is not working,, so she uped the dosage on the medicine,, I hope it works,,,, I am sick of having anxiety already. Also Sense I have Fybromylgia i had to get a new ned for that to... That and anxiety sometimes go hand in hand,,, I am trying to get better,,, and i hope that i [...]

January 16th,

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Today has been an ok day, but i still alittle down. And of course I have no one to talk to . My hubby is gone like always. So here i am, here writing my thoughts and feelings hoping that someone will listen and give me advice. I know that my realtionship is very strained and difficult but it also can be lovely and wonderful. Today my hubby said for the 1st time ever,, I know how you are feeling, (We were in Walmart and it was SO busy.) i think [...]

My Journal,

uticagirl123@yahoo.com — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Hello everyone,, I started a anxiety journal not to long ago,, and i write down everything that i feel ,, everything that i think about, I dont leave home without it. Writing things down is such a great thing. Then i read the stuff that i wrote and wonder is my life really this bad? Am I really living my life this way? I just cant believe it. [...]