Blog Entries for Mike619er

Blood test results

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Ok so I decided to finally act upon one of my concerns lately, that maybe all of my anxiety problems were being caused by my thyroid because of my mothers history with her thyroid problems. Blood tests came back and they were negative but there were two things that now have me wondering....

1 - I have a high allergy to dairy, which pretty much means that I'm lactosintolerant. Normally I wouldn't get myself worked up over this but I remember [...]

Still fighting n still have questions

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Hey everyone, so I didn't really take it easy for new years eve and I'm not sure if that's why I'm feeling so weird now though. All I know is that I feel really strange. For starters, sleep last night didn't come easy. I only got about 3-4 hours in and probably only about 4-5 in the night before as well. One thing that really bothers me and maybe it is related to how much sleep I get, is this feeling of blankness. I catch myself just zoni [...]

Positives/Negatives

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Going out and being around my friends yesterday I think was just what the doctor ordered. Granted I shouldn't have drank as much as I did and I'm paying for that this morning with this ridiculous headache (and the hangovers make the anxiety much worse), but it's not something that I haven't dealt with before. But I took away some positive things from last night for a change, normally I just take away the negatives lately but I'm beginning to see SOME changes, a [...]

Rebound

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Alright well today has been a better one so far. I did take 2 ambiens last night to get some sleep but I definetly needed it. I still feel a little out of it, but I'm so much better today. This could also be because I finally got 8-9 hours of sleep last night, it could also be because I actually put in 5 hours of work today so I was able to keep myself busy. I'm going a little stir crazy now not really knowing what to do to take up the rest of the day. I [...]

Not okay

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Alright well I just can't seem to get out of this damn rut. I've been avoiding and isolating myself for what seems like the last 4 years, since my surgery. The anxiety only kicked in heavy for the last year. I swear to god I don't even feel like I'm alive or even here anymore. I've become this agreeable, go with the flow, doesn't care about anything guy. My likes and my interests have just gone down the shitter. I don't enjoy any [...]

Worried about slipping

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Alright well I have been unemployed now for the last 2 weeks. The mini version story of how I got there is I felt very dishonest and bad about the job I was doing at my last job (retention at a call center selling vitamins), and I was leaving to go work at a company that claimed to be a "part" of MetLife. After I put in the 2 weeks I had follow up interviews for this new job, only to realize that it really wasn't what I wanted. So that's how I wound up in t [...]

Motivation

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Was just looking at some movie clips on YouTube, if you've read a lot of my old posts you know I love these motivational speeches. I've been using them to motivate myself to keep goin about my work and trying to move foward. Hope this helps and motivates you guys as well

Any Given Sunday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_iKg7nutNY

Rocky Balboa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uASVzkrEKgs

Rocky 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaaVs5W6T6s&am [...]

First step is a good one

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well here we go again, fresh start all over again. Just ended another job and now I'm looking at a potential bank teller position right now. Hopefully I wind up getting that pretty soon so I dont have to be unemployed too long. This is really something, never really envisioned that I'd have myself in this situation. Never really planned on any of these idiotic problems happening to me.

But atleast for the first time ever, I'm seeing positive help from [...]

Theme Song

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Matchbox 20 - Unwell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_TL9YFemic

Tossing in the towel

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well that's it, I tossed in the towel today. I can't do this alone on my own anymore and just tough this out. I need help. I'm so wrapped up pointless worrying and annoying anger/confusion problems. My old psychiatrist can hit the road and go on with his little practice he has running. He wasn't willing to recommend me to someone while I had my job and couldn't make our appointments, in the 2 months of having nobody there caused me to regress [...]

My Problems

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I keep making these different moves in my life to try and prove to myself that I can do things that I never thought I could, in an attempt to try and make this out of control and wired feeling finally leave me. It's not working. I'm so much more outgoing now that I ever used to be and working at new jobs and doing things that I never thought I would ever do before, going to school in manhattan and going back to school, applying and looking to get this job at this insurance [...]

This is me

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I cant shake this feeling of figuring that I'm a cmpletely different person lately. I've never thought this positive ever, I've never been as outgoinga s I have been lately and it's showing great results. I'm meeting and developing new friendships and meetin people that I normally would just not bother and just stick to myself and ignore. I used to be such an idiot. It is so hard to get used to this newfound confidence, but whatever I don't care [...]

Not so different are we?

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

In reading Drew Brees' new book I really am learning a lot about how a lot of people have to deal with their own issues and adversity. Here was an NFL player who up until this point in his career, made his career on his right throwing arm. And when he tore it to pieces and have to have it metal anchors inserted into his shoulder just to hold it in place, he had to start building up his strength again. Tossing a ball 2 yards to his physical trainer everyday, and thenw ork [...]

Pick Me Ups

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well I have been off of these meds now for a month, and thank god. I feel so much better about myself for being able to achieve this. I've been continuing to battle with retarded thoughts of thinking I'm so crazy, that I'm so weird, that I'm going to fall back into my old trap. I found a little peace and reassurement in 2 books I recently picked up that I am not so different from others out there.

These books have nothing to do with anxiety, I guess the [...]

Struggling

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Ok so I have been off of the antidepressents now for 2 weeks. I keep feeling the weirdest sensations though and I'm getting VERY frustrated. I feel as if things are never going to turn around for me. Like I'm never going to feel good again. I walk around so frustrated and mad at myself for not being able to pull myself out of this.

I even feel like I don't really care what's going on around me. In my softball game I played yesterday I really [...]

Survivors?

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Ok well I've been off my meds now for 2 weeks, thank god all the dizzy spells have ended for me. I can't help but think that I'm still crazy though. I've kicked all my bad habits of secluding myself and have been keeping myself a lot more socially involved lately. But I can't help but kick the feeling that this isn't me.

On top of that, my mood swings have been really insane. I've thought about quitting this new job atleast 5-10 times [...]

Apologies and still need help I guess

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I know in my drunken stuper last night I posted up my feelings for the night. I was mad over stupid little things that really mean nothing, I let stuff like that bother me way too much. This annoying newfound strength that I forced myself to haev, doesn't let me back down from anything.

I realize lately I have anger problems, I am hoping that the anger problems just goes hand in hand with the anxiety. I don't want to be out of control, I want to be back to the [...]

Strong as ever, but scared

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 23:00:00 +0100

for the first time in a long time, i have unrelentless determination. People claim that they do, and they don't sometimes, I am telling you with 100$ certainty taht I DO! I dont fear a damn thing anymore. I used to fear so many things, how people thought of me, how they would react to things i did, how they would approve of my actions.

The older and older I get I could give 2 shits about all of that. All I care about is if people are there for me [...]

Well this sucks lol

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Ok well I keep powering through and giving this depression/anxiety all it can handle. I don't let it beat me or stop me from doing anything, except for one thing I can't seem to control as much as I possibly try.

It stops me from sleeping and resting. Now, I do know that before my anxiety and depression hit me I had a different bed I used to sleep on. During my initial bad stage, when I couldn't sleep AT ALL for 2 weeks, my parents gave me their bed th [...]

Green Tea?

mike.rann@hotmail.com — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Ok, well in my endless search of trying to find ways to help myself I am moving more and more towards natural remedies. Never liked drugs, thank god, the Cymbalta didn't really do it for me, and I'm really turned off from using ANY kind of antidepressents ever again.

I've been diong much better lately but a few things still annoy the everloving crap out of me. My mind, it absolutely races on me all day. Worst was today during lunch I was sitting in my [...]