Finally The Courage To Speak Out

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 23:00:00 +0100

This is a hard post for me to write because in the past few months there seems to be more and more posts claiming that anxiety/panic disorder is not a true illness. That it can be cured by simply ignoring the symptoms and letting them come and living through them or by laughing at them. While this alone may work for some who are experiencing mild anxiety attacks, in most true panic disorder cases it doesn't. I am afraid these claims are making a lot of new people on the site feel as thoug [...]

A New Diagnosis

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 23:00:00 +0100

Happy 2012 to all!! I thought I'd check in after four months away to say hello and update everyone on what has been going on here in San Antonio.

I spent September - December in an extreme depression. Most of my days were spent sleeping all day and night. I did manage to accomplish some of the most important tasks I have - paid bills, did some laundry, saw my psychiatrist and therapist - but basically I spent these months not functioning at all. My psychiatrist did prescrib [...]

Please Pray For

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 23:00:00 +0100

We just found out today that my husband's boss went into ER on Saturday with an irregular heartbeat. They have been working to keep his heartbeat in a normal range for two days without success. It is a very critical situation, but is not being caused by heart disease. They did several tests and came back with a devastating diagnosis - both of his lungs are filled with very large tumors. They will be doing biopsies tomorrow. Doctors are quite positive they are cancerous - probably [...]

Not Giving Up

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 23:00:00 +0100

I have to admit I am a bit leery about posting again since my last post was so long and filled with so many negative things.

I do want to say say hello & welcome to all the newer members. It's wonderful to see so many of you reaching out and getting the support and help I have found here over the past couple years.

I am glad to say that I've come pretty close to conquering my phobia of dentists. I do still get get some anxiety before going, but I manage to make [...]

Whack A Mole

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 23:00:00 +0100

I didn't realize how long it had been since I posted a blog. It seems like just yesterday. I have been in what I can only describe as a free fall with a lot of bumps and bruises along the way. Isn't is amazing how you can go from feeling like you are on the path to survival to a quick trip downhill? This is the kind of thing we all dread, but know can happen. The good thing is that this time I know what it is and I know how to work with it & know I will come back out on the positive [...]

Deep Thoughts.........

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Tue, 31 May 2011 23:00:00 +0100

I can't believe it has been a month since I've posted. Thanks Aimmy for your sweet note and song. I am still waiting for my Topamax to kick in. It is helping a bit, but not as well as the Lamictal was. I wish the Lamictal didn't have the bad side effects it did for me. I am still feeling very up and down & my agoraphobia doesn't seem to be much better than it was 3 years ago. I can go out if I have to, but I don't choose to leave the house if I don't have to.

How Do I?????

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 23:00:00 +0100

When I saw my psychiatrist on Thursday, I brought up a question a lot of us have. When am I going to be "normal" again? I am so tired of not knowing how I will feel each morning when I wake up. There are so many days that I open my eyes and think, "not again!!!". There are some days that I do wake up and have a good feeling about the day to come, but they are few and far between. I have been on so many different medications and combos of medications over the past few years [...]

Change in Medication

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 23:00:00 +0100

I am so glad that I was able to see both my psychiatrist and therapist today.

I explained all the side effects I was having from the Lamictal to my doctor. She said most of them were not normally listed as side effects, but she did believe me. I have no reason to want to go off a medication when it was working for me. I have always been the person with strange reactions to medications - Nyquil keeps me awake, Dayquil makes me tired, pain medication makes me stay awake when it is suppose [...]

Off To See The Wizard.........

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 23:00:00 +0100

Finally getting to see both my psychiatrist and therapist today. My weaning off Lamictal has not been as easy as I thought it would be. Depression is back big time and I haven't been out of the house in 2 weeks. The only way I can look at it is as proof that I do need some kind of a mood stabilizer. My biggest fear is going back to where I was 3 years ago. I'm sure you all understand..........

I have been unable to sleep for the past week which isn't helping. Last night I fi [...]

Just Venting

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 23:00:00 +0100

It is a beautiful Spring day in Texas. The sun is out, breeze lightly blowing my wind-chimes, birds are singing & gathering nesting materials. My oldest daughter has an interview for a position she would love, my youngest is happy and my husband is at work.........why can't I enjoy the beauty surrounding me and feel at peace?

I am still in my pajamas with bedhead, curled up in the corner of my family room couch looking out of the window like a prisoner. I am on the verge [...]

Worried Mom....Proud Mom....Depressed & Anxious Mom

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 23:00:00 +0100

I hope I can write this blog without my usual rambling. I've been wanting to put it in words for almost a week, but couldn't summon the energy to actually type it.

I have been very worried about my oldest daughter and her job situation for the past few weeks. She works in an office full of women, all Case Managers for a Foster Care Agency. From the start of her job a year ago, she noticed all the little cliques of women. It is so bad that some women won't even speak to t [...]

What Do The Normal Folks Do?

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 23:00:00 +0100

I watched one of my favorite movies, Camelot, last night. I am sure "normal" folks would watch it and enjoy it and move on. I on the other hand, remember seeing it with my family, sitting next to my Dad, crying through most of the movie. This was one of the few times I feel like I really connected with my Dad. I still feel so sad when I watch it, because I know deep down he did love me, but he never showed it. His lack of attention and affection have seriously affected m [...]

Just Venting

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 23:00:00 +0100

It has been months since I've blogged. I added a new medication to my medication list & it has helped quite a bit. I have also been seeing an excellent therapist who has helped me start working on putting my life back on track.

Today is not one of those good days - I had food poisoning yesterday and felt so horrible and still don't feel great today, so I am sure feeling sick is contributing to my depression and anxiety.

Although I am doing much better than [...]

I hate CBT!!!

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 23:00:00 +0100

But it works............Today was the day I promised myself I would take one of those baby steps out of the house to get my hair cut.

I woke up early with a splitting headache, shaking & with a pounding heart. My stomach was roiling. My house was warm and comfy, but my hair was, as it has been before, sticking up in the air and has roots growing in that made me look "less than attractive". I actually sat on the couch for two hours debating about putting the entire thing of [...]

Creativity & Anxiety

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I have felt unable to express my creative urges the way I used to for quite a few years. I finally am getting it back a bit and finished painting an order for some hand-painted note cards. I wanted to post something positive on this beautiful Autumn Sunday.

Here is a link to the album if you'd like to see what I've been working on:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2098507&id=1468976742&l=fcfb6d77f4

To Tell The Truth

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I don't usually do this - open up everything to the world - much easier to let everyone think I am fine and getting better. But that is not the truth. I know what I should be doing, and today I am finding it overwhelming.

The honest truth is, I couldn't fall asleep last night until 4am. I finally slept after taking an Ambien and then slept until 11am. I went into the family room, turned on the TV and sat for an entire hour staring at the TV mindlessly trying to wake up. I [...]

Again??

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Woke up at noon today with my heart pounding and entire body shaking - think it was because I slept so late. Had to stop and think about why I am so anxious about sleeping late. I talked to my husband about it and he said exactly what my therapist would say, "Why are you upset with yourself for sleeping late?" I wish I knew the answer

Perhaps it is because when I was young, when my Mom wasn't up early I knew she was drinking the night before. To me, even now as an adult, I [...]

One Year

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 23:00:00 +0100

It has been a year since I discovered the PS site and I am so happy I found a welcoming community. I've made many new friends and received more love & support here than I ever thought was possible.

I haven't blogged in the past few months because life has been very up and down. I wish I could say that I am feeling fantastic and could be posting a Survivor Story, but I am not there yet. I am still working everyday to find my way back to "normal".

HBO Documentary

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend. Mine was a mixed bag & I should blog about some disappointments I had over the weekend. I have to get my thoughts together before I do, because I don't want to fill my head with negative thoughts right now.

I do want to recommend a good documentary currently on HBO On Demand. It is about anxiety - first hand accounts of Panic Disorder by people who do have Panic Disorder. I found their descriptions of their symptoms very good and [...]

Talking To Myself

shute210@sbcglobal.net — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Most of you know that the first part of last week was hard for me. I felt like I was slipping into depression again. One morning I woke up and couldn't think about anything except how much I hated myself. I wasn't suicidal or anything - just didn't like me at all. I spent a lot of the day thinking about why I was feeling so down on myself. I realized that I still expect myself to be my version of perfect - always do all the chores that can possibly be done, before I take any time to [...]

Blog Entries for inspired

Finally The Courage To Speak Out

A New Diagnosis

Please Pray For

Not Giving Up

Whack A Mole

Deep Thoughts.........

How Do I?????

Change in Medication

Off To See The Wizard.........

Just Venting

Worried Mom....Proud Mom....Depressed & Anxious Mom

What Do The Normal Folks Do?

Just Venting

I hate CBT!!!

Creativity & Anxiety

To Tell The Truth

Again??

One Year

HBO Documentary

Talking To Myself