Blog Entries for momoftwins24

So...

liz071902@live.com — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 23:00:00 +0100

I don't really know what to say here. I know what I want to say but sometimes I feel like a broken record even in my own head. I have overcome so many things since my panic began. If you would have told me six almost seven years ago that I would be working full time, going to school, trying to start a business and raising four kids successfully I would have told you that you were dead wrong. I am however doing all of those things. I am functioning on a level that I did not even thin [...]

Smoking and panic

liz071902@live.com — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:00:00 +0100

So about 15 years ago I picked the nasty habit of smoking. Over the years I have quit for important events i.e. pregnancy, but for whatever reason I went back to it. Don't get me wrong I know how nasty and unhealthy of a habit it is. It is not something that I am happy that I do however I have made the decision that I want to quit smoking.

What I was wondering is has anyone here quit smoking and what does it do to anxiety? Thankfully my good days outweigh my [...]

I feel like I have already...

liz071902@live.com — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 23:00:00 +0100

written this blog so many times before...

I come here all the time I just don't post all that often. I do not want to be the person who continually complains about the same symptoms over and over again. That being said my heart is once again at the center of my fears and I am overwhelmed with it.

My anxiety level has been pretty high since June when I had my last real bout with the heart flutters. I have pushed through and continued to do what I need to do for the [...]

Just so............ good lord I don't even know

liz071902@live.com — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 23:00:00 +0100

So my life has been going relatively well. I really thought and I stress the word thought that I past this panic crap. I am starting to think that I could not have been more wrong. Friday was like any other day, that is until about 9:10pm then everything changed. I was relaxing on the couch, things art work have been nuts I was enjoying the idea of not having to go there for two days.

All of a sudden I felt the need to sit up. There was no real reason I jus [...]

Addiction

liz071902@live.com — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 23:00:00 +0100

What an ugly word! What a horrible thing to have to go through!! Anyone who has dealt with it themselves or watched someone they love deal with it will understand what I mean.

There was a time in my life when I thought it was not a big deal to have a good time. I was far from a drug addict but I did my fair share of smoking weed and had an occasional drink truth be told I was a raging pothead but we will chalk that up to being young :) I made my mistakes early I [...]

I've been around..........

liz071902@live.com — Tue, 17 May 2011 23:00:00 +0100

I love this place and everytime I come here it is like coming home from college to family for me. I go on hiatus only because when I am feeling good sometimes reading other people's troubles makes me feel a bit anxious myself. I know it's selfish but sometimes I have to think of my own anxiety issues before others clearly still a selfish move though. I am still working 40 hours a week, taking care of my four beautiful ladies, and just living my life.

Hubs stil [...]

Love Letters

liz071902@live.com — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 23:00:00 +0100

So my mood is on the verge today and I thought maybe if I put a few of my random thoughts out there it would get them out of my head to leave room for other thoughts to invade (hopefully ones less anxiety laced)

Dear Western Pennsylvania Natives,

I should not have to point this out to you but I will. It is the middle of January and you live in Pennsylvania. When the weather man innocently states that we could be receiving 2 to 4 inches of snow over a two day period the [...]

As bad as its been in so long

liz071902@live.com — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 23:00:00 +0100

So for whatever reason my anxiety has reached a peak that it has not been out in FOREVER!! I mean normally I will have small bouts of it here and there. While in the moment of it I am scared but the last few days it has been terrible. I have had a headache for almost a week and I feel a bit under the weather which I am sure are both contributing factors. I feel like I am outside of my body looking in almost, very confused and disoriented.

I hate this it is [...]

I don't know I honestly don't

liz071902@live.com — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I do not understand why I get so busy and forget to come here. To both receive and give support to those who understand what I am going through. It makes me feel better to read, understand, and educate myself about this disorder. A year ago if someone would have told me that life would be what it is right now I would have laughed at them and called them crazy (even crazier than I can be at times LOL) , over the course of the last six months I have lost [...]

Haven't been here in a while

liz071902@live.com — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 23:00:00 +0100

So I was reading some of my old entries today. The good, the bad and the ugly it seems. It's funny to me when I am not in that state of panic how ludicris it seems when reading a post from when I was in that moment. Two weeks ago I was lucky enough to get a job (finally) and one that I like at that. I have been doing pretty well with it, my husband is still not working but we are doing what we have to do to get by in these tough times. The more I look around [...]

Taking some time

liz071902@live.com — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I haven't been around for a while, I have taken some real hits over the course of the last few months and I have been so consumed that I feel like even coming here for help seemed senseless. Even though I have received so much support and love from the people on this board.

Since the middle of June I have lost my Gram, my husband was hurt badly at work, he lost his job, he left for about 10 days because of stress, and we are incomeless even to this day.

Working ha [...]

Crossroads

liz071902@live.com — Fri, 28 May 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I haven't posted for a while, not because of lack of interest but more because of lack of something to say. My anxiety is like a yo-yo some days I am really good others not so much. I have been watching people around me struggle with their own issues such as alcoholism, bi-polar, and physical medical problems wondering why I cannot be as strong as them. What I mean by that is I have a severe and I mean severe phobia of medication. To the point that taking an Advil or Tyl [...]

Flutters, Mother's Day, and Anxiety

liz071902@live.com — Sat, 08 May 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Well last night was a crappy night, I was very much on edge all evening. My heart was fluttering like crazy I really would do anything for that one symptom to go away. There is nothing that scares me more!! It is actually doing it right now and I am always worried about it. I have to make a doctors appointment tomorrow so I am going to bring it up with the doctor when I see her. If there is a way to make it stop of at least ease up I would love to know. I k [...]

Smothering and anniversary

liz071902@live.com — Sun, 02 May 2010 23:00:00 +0100

April 27th was my five year anniversary of my very first panic attack. I was going to write that day but instead I have taken each day since as time to reflect on the last five years and all of the things that have happened and that I have done.

There have been many accomplishments and failures along the way. Each day seems to bring some new dynamic to this disorder and what it means to live with it. Through all the bad there has been good that has shown through [...]

Love Letters

liz071902@live.com — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Dear Smothering Feeling,

First I would like to say thanks for stopping by but you can leave at anytime. For whatever reason you have decided to pay me a visit today. Sure there has been a lot going on in my life but I could do without your company. In fact I am so positive that I could without your company that I hereby declare you are no longer welcome in my lungs. I enjoy taking full breaths of air and my body not saying Oh Hell No we need a little more. So please g [...]

I've been waiting

liz071902@live.com — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 23:00:00 +0100

My fathers has been hospitalized since Tuesday afternoon, I have had to face a number of my own fears this week. Some of them have been successes some of them have been failures. So here is the story I have been waiting to blog for days because it has been hard to get my thoughts together but I think that I am finally ready to get all these feelings out.

On Tuesday morning I had to take my father to a clinic in the area to get a routine stomach scope. This is somethin [...]

It's been a while

liz071902@live.com — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 23:00:00 +0100

I've stopped by and read a few entries but I haven't posted. I have been trying to avoid thinking about my issues. It gets to be overwhelming for me so sometimes my only release is just to ignore they are there. Not to fight against them just give in and pretend that life isn't as hard as it seems sometimes.

Usually when I am in the midst of all this ignoring I forget that this is a daily struggle. I push through regardless of how I feel and take the who gi [...]

I've decided.....7)

liz071902@live.com — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

1) I've decided that just because I suffer from panic and anxiety that doesn't make me less of a person. In fact I am a way more sensitive person to myself and those around me because of it.

2) I've decided to see the light at the end of the tunnel even when it isn't visible to me. I will imagine it being there if I have to because that light is the motivation that I need to keep going through all of the darkness.

3) I've decided that I have t [...]

Not doing so well

liz071902@live.com — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Things seem to be getting worse instead of better. The bad days are out numbering the good anymore. I am not sure what brought about this change I am not doing anything different. It seems like since I quit my job to stay home with my girls I have been progressively going down hill. I went out to lunch with my mom today and had a heart flutter so after we were finished eating I went home immediately. After being home for a little while I decided to go to the store to g [...]

It's love letters time

liz071902@live.com — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:00:00 +0100

Dear Unnamed School District my children attend,

As we both know kindergarten registration is approaching rather quickly. I have made all necessary appointments so that we are all ready for the fun completely miserable day that I am going to spend at the elementary school. Why my child has to be able to stand on one foot juggling oranges while singing the national anthem and giving you the square root of 98609928 okay that's a little exaggerated but not by much to get in [...]