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excitement/disappointment

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Wednesday, 05 March 2014
Well today thanks to Bastardo I experienced excitement and disappointment within minutes.  Pappy came over today to bring some things to town for my cousin who lives here and so I got off work and got dressed and Pappy and I then went to the Shootin' Shop which is only about 9 blocks north west of my house so no big deal and I rode with him in his car and then we went to the Walgreens which is right across the street from the United Supermarkets I used to go to for counseling... and I went in myself for about 30 mins to find some ear wax removal drops... seems apparently Q tips don't really remove ear wax they just push it against the ear drum... so we're going to try this and see if doesn't help with the ear pain I've been having...  Then Pappy asked if I had anywhere else to go and I told him no unless he did and he said he needed to go to Academy Sports and Outdoors and I said I felt like trying it if he wouldn't be upset if we had to turn back.  He said he wouldn't and for the FIRST TIME since last OCTOBER I MADE IT ACROSS TOWN.  Now granted we took the loop and we got within about 10 to 12 blocks of Academy and I had to have him bring me back home which I felt terrible about because then he had to go back over there himself and we were only 10 or 12 blocks away.... but I had been stewing in the anxiety for several minutes had even taken a 1 mg lorazepam.  I just felt like continuing farther would be more detrimental than helpful although I hated it and was disappointed I couldn't go there with him.  The man is 83 years old its not like I'm going to have many more chances to do things like that with him and it pisses me off and breaks my heart each time he comes over and I can't do these things anymore....  However; as he said the counseling is paying off cause I was in Walgreens for 30 minutes alone and then I made it across town.  Granted we had to turn back but I was still down that way!!  That is a major, MAJOR improvement.  It's a start and I'm looking forward to continuing to get better and get to places further and further away so it was a mixed bag of feelings today but overall a really good day.
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Azmom said:

7696
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Keep doing what your doing!!! Exposure exposure exposure! Was there best therapy for me. I always kept a a really cold bottle water with me. When it felt something coming on it would drink it. It seemed to calm me. I do always keep my medication close by though. Lol :) also try peppermints. When my throat would get dry....it would give me anxiety. It helped keep me stay calm. You never know....try it! Great job today!
 
March 05, 2014
Votes: +1

Azmom said:

7696
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Sorry about all the spelling errors....Auto spell correct kept changing my words :/
 
March 05, 2014
Votes: +1

Loves October said:

7063
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Embrace the positive. There was a lot of it! You also need to shake off the guilt, particularly where your Pappy is concerned. You're doing your best. Seems to me he was really proud of you!
 
March 05, 2014
Votes: +1

Lizzie9274 said:

9913
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Congratulations!!!! Sounds like you did a great job. I know your Pappy must of been proud that he spent the time with you that he did regardless of not making it all the way. I'm sure Pappy is proud of you to. :)
 
March 05, 2014
Votes: +1

texasrebel said:

4616
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Thanks all for the good compliments and I'm sure Pappy is ok with it he never seems disappointed or upset its just me that feels that way. I just hope one day I'm half the man he is. He's been there and done everything he can for me....
 
March 05, 2014
Votes: +1

flossy said:

6768
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This seems like an accomplishment to me; you managed to spend a significant amount of time in a store and then you pushed yourself to try going farther. You might not have reached the end destination but you got further than you would have done if you hadn't tried at all. Also, I would second the motion to have some sort of cold beverage with you for situations you find difficult. My problem is cinemas but I've found that if I buy a large, cold drink and take it in with me, it distracts me long enough to get past the initial anxiety. I'm pleased for you, I know you were a bit disappointed at not getting to go to the place with your Pappy but you've done so well and I bet he was mega proud of you!
 
March 17, 2014
Votes: +1

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