From Severe to Recovered

8 years ago I had my first panic attack. Today, I have not had a panic attack in 3 years.

This is my story, I hope it gives you a piece of something that you may be looking for.

I can write pages and pages in regards to my ordeal with anxiety and depression, but I will keep this short and sweet.

My first panic attack hit me like a lightning bolt of death. I had no idea what it was, and honestly believed I was dying. Because of this, I was thrown into a severe depression with panic disorder. The following morning, my vision was blurry. It remained that way for a month. I got to the point where I did not believe anything was real.

Then one day I was listening to an audio tape of "The Power of Positive Thinking." It was my glimmer of hope that made me feel for a split second that there is more to my existence than the black hole of nothingness I had been stuck in. I desperately clung to the hope that when I returned to school from winter break, which I spent in a complete state of depression and not on this planet, suddenly things would get better.

Slowly but surely, just the motions of returning to school, people I knew talking to me, finding out online that I had had a panic attack rather than a near-death experience, and the world and time continuing on with or without me, I was day by day getting better. My sight returned to normal, things stopped looking fake, I stopped feeling like a skeleton wrapped in a hazy cloud. It took me a long time to be able to trust reality again, to trust that things are real.

That episode was severe, and I have yet to come across anything similar experience by others.

My anxiety did continue, my depression continued although very mild compared to the extreme month I had, and panic attacks continued. I did ALOT of research. It helped, but not enough. I ended up in a very bad, unhealthy relationship. The end of it was the last drop, and I experienced an episode of what I later would be diagnosed with as Chronic Ulcerative Colitis. For an entire week, I couldn't eat, couldn't hold anything down, couldn't leave my bed, and I lost ten pounds. I've often dealt with stomach issues, my anxiety and my stomach aggravate each other into a 'vicious cycle', I'm sure you've heard the term before. But this was nothing like it, it was so terrible. Again, I honestly believed I wouldn't live to see another day. I was in and out of hospitals, doctors, etc. Eventually I was diagnosed and put on medicine. 9 pills a day for colitis.

I did not want to just tolerate my life, I was tired of fear seeping through my pores.

Not long afterwards, I went on Celexa. (Mind you, I also had a phobia of any kind of drugs, so this was a monumental step for me.) Again, one of the best decisions of my life.

2 years later I decided I don't want to spend my life on Celexa, with some insistent familial 'persuasion', I went off it. Was that a good decision? I'm not a hundred percent sure yet. It has been at least six months since I have stopped taking it, maybe a year. I have not had a panic attack since I started taking it. I am also happy to report that I have not had another episode of colitis since the first one. I have not been to the hospital in a long, long time either! The best thing about Celexa was that I was so used to living in fear, I had no idea what it was like to live 'normally,' and Celexa showed me what I did not know. It's like when you are grinding your teeth, but you don't even realize it because you are doing it subconsciously, then someone tells you to stop grinding your teeth, and you stop. Going to therapy while on Celexa was a major help, and continuing therapy for a long time can only help me. I have walked a long, difficult road, filled with ups and downs and struggles, but I have been determined to change myself for the better. I want to live; and I want to live a happy, productive, meaningful life.

Bambi8 said:

	... Very similar story to mine. Happy there's hope!
	report abuse vote down vote up

February 12, 2010
Votes: +1

pauly said:

	... I don't say this easily but you sound like my twin. I am very happy for you and I still struggle a tad but I'm willing myself through this. Good luck to you.
	report abuse vote down vote up

March 01, 2010
Votes: +1

JEvangelista79 said:

	My Panic Attacks I think I have that same experience. and I am very happy for you. All the best!
	report abuse vote down vote up

March 08, 2010 | url
Votes: +0

tinker71 said:

	... how did u do it
	report abuse vote down vote up

March 11, 2010
Votes: +0

vgaur said:

	... good job...all the best...
	report abuse vote down vote up

April 04, 2010
Votes: +0

PattyPanic said:

	... Celexa and Therapy have been a lifesaver for me. Glad you are well now. I haven't had a panic attack in a long time but I am still on celexa and haven't thought about not taking it yet.
	report abuse vote down vote up

April 13, 2010
Votes: +0

sunshinelady said:

	... a wonderful story. congratulations to you! Jill
	report abuse vote down vote up

April 19, 2010
Votes: +0

GenIus said:

	panic attack treatment Glad to see things are going well. I was on celexa but you definitely should try something drug-free. The system at thepanicscure.com is a HUGE HELP and 2 friends also have seen great results with it. Check it out ;)
	report abuse vote down vote up

June 21, 2010 | url
Votes: +1

Blueskies423 said:

What a Difference a Friend Makes
Thank you for sharing your story! I'm very happy to hear things are going well for you. The first step to you or your friend’s recovery from a mental health problem is your support. I actually work with SAMHSA and the What A Difference A Friend Makes program. I just wanted to share another great resource to those of you who are either personally or know someone who is suffering from a mental health illness. You are not alone! To find out ways you can help a friend, please visit http://www.whatadifference.org/mentalhealth

June 30, 2010 | url
Votes: -1

madddiiimmm said:

	... wow. hi. this gives me so much hope. i am very young, and almost want to give up. but time is going by so slowly. i cant wait to be in your position. this is almost exactly like whats happened to me. at least the beginning. haha and well, im still going through this VICIOUS battle with anxiety.
	report abuse vote down vote up

August 10, 2010
Votes: -1

Main Menu

Participate

Survivor Stories

Articles

Stuff