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the promised land

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Thursday, 17 September 2009

So I'm new here, just made my account... figure I'll tell my story first off in case anyone's interested. I'm mainly here to meet some new people, talk a little bit, and hopefully offer some encouragement to anyone still in the thick of it.

 

So my story started a long time ago I'm sure... I've always been pretty isolated, prefering to read in school instead of talking and making new friends. Never really got to be a problem until high school though when I started to get progressively worse. After a while my best friends didn't really 'know' me, I didn't really share much with anyone. I was always worried about what people thought about me, and I really (really) had a problem with talking on the phone. I'd break out into a cold sweat just at the thought. 

So anyway, I'm limping along in my own little way (right in the thick of a nasty case of social anxiety and general anxiety disorder as it turns out, with the occasional full blown panic attack. Here I just thought I was a typical geek) when the end of my first relationship hit. It had lasted two years, and I was 21. I ended up not even going outside for two months. I stopped going to classes, stopped sleeping at night, I had 4 roommates in a 2 bedroom and they never even saw me because of how I shifted my schedule around.(if I wasn't deppressed out of my mind, the sleeping during the day might have actually been a good shift just because I had the place to myself at night... heh).

That was 2 years ago this November. I decided I'd rather die than live like I was, I even thought about taking that way out at times. But in the end I just threw everything I had into finding out how to find my cure. Took a while... I was working on my own, and it's a hell of a mess to get out of the pit on your own. I tried looking for a therapist, but you know... money problems and all that. Kind of hard to believe where I am now though, looking back. I'm taking a new job today... working on the streets of Seattle, talking to strangers and raising donations for children in India. Kind of nice having a job for a cause I believe in doing something that used to be completely impossible for me... and not having it bother me in the least: ). 

I'd eventually like to professionally get into helping people who are suffering from the same things I was, but for right now I thought I'd just like to join a community and spread the good news. The road's long, but the promised land is out there. You don't have to cope for the rest of your life, and once you make it, you'll be ten times stronger than anyone else who hasn't wrestled with fear and their own demons. Feel free to shoot me a line and say hello, I'd love to get to know some of you. 

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eduardo said:

6672
Carrying On
This story is very close to my heart.
It does seem that the way to "cope" with this feelings is to stay at home and do nothing.
but...when i did that myself i was more miserable then before!
and when i actually did start to take action beautiful things started happening which were "over-riding" the anxious feelings.

I wish you all of the best
 
May 18, 2011 | url
Votes: +0

mary zion said:

7283
hey dear
U on bb if yes,post ya pin or u send me ur num tru private msg..so we can share a lot togeda..GOD bless us all
 
February 04, 2012
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Last Updated ( Friday, 18 September 2009 )
 


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