Anxiety, a very big word which I’ve fought to beat more then ten years... And at the end
i consider my self that I won on it and K.O. it from my life...and i am writing here
because i felt every thing going with each one of you and i really care to assist any one
who has passed in what i passed in and who has felt what i was feeling too...
Let me first describe the stages that i have passed with anxiety i will mention them now
and i will talk about each one later one:
1 - Anxiety Of having sexual transmitted diseases. (17-23)
2 - Anxiety of having heart attack. (24-25)
3 - Skipped heart beat and palpitations. (24-25)
4 - Anxiety of having brain tumor. (24-25)
5 - Anxiety of having high fever that will damage my brain cells. (24-25)
6 - Anxiety of vomiting beside people when i am feeling Nausea. (25-26)
7 - Anxiety of having blocked Abdominal due to stomach pain and constipation. (25-26)
Believe it or not i passed in each stage of all the mentioned above, and beside each stage
i've mentioned my age when it began and when it ended..
For stage number one there was a trigger which was a cut to my neck happened at the barber
shop, and for my bad luck the day that follows
we had a seminar at school that tells us more about AIDS\HIV and how it
is transfered..which surely made me enter anxiety world. With some symptoms that i started
feeling and which of course i directly connected it to AIDS/HIV - but if i want to talk about it
now it was a normal cold :) - any way i started thinking of death and how i will face my family
with my sickness and how i will be able to protect my family members while living with them
in the same home...then i started doing the AIDS/HIV tests first one after two months went back
NEGATIVE...but as the doctors say after two months it will not be that accurate - i was deeply
inside totally convinced that i have it, how it came NEGATIVE "there is something wrong" -
then i did another one on six months also came back NEGATIVE then another one on 1 year which is also
came out to be NEGATIVE too..and i stayed convinced that i have it because approximately i have all the
HIV symptoms which were like normal cold symptoms and weakness ( i really dont want to remember
that stage)...5 years of tests and doctors i couldn’t rule out HIV from my life except when the
army obligatory service came and i have to face it. Surely before we enroll in it they will make
full body tests and they will suspend the ones with such diseases. I always remember that day
when i waited in the line to hear my name if i was accepted to serve the army or rejected due
of having HIV..and because 5 years have passed from the dangerous exposure to HIV i recognized
that if i had HIV i wouldnt be alive till now and in that way i finished my stage with anxiety
due to HIV/AIDs...
The next stages were too close to each other and all of the thoughts approximately were
coming to me in the same year which is (24-25) ... and all anxious people know what i am talking
about regarding feeling heart attacks and running to the ER .. and they do all the necessary
there ...and u come out having nothing...so i will not speak about these stages in details..
what i will speak on now is how did i K.O. anxiety and panic attacks from my life, and i will explain
the way logically and if any one has any further question on the way, we will be in contact any
time in the future...
First of all, if any one asks him self why do i feel anxious what would be the answer?
98% the answer would be i am afraid to die....OK. Great, lets take this sentence a side
" I AM AFRAID TO DIE "..i have too many comments on this sentence, these comments will lead
us to the way of beating up our anxiety..
i will ask now ..
- Does any one of us know when he/she will die?
- Does any one know where he/she will die?
- Can any one of us beat his death if it was written to him/her to die in
a certain date and in a certain place?
My answers on these three questions are "NO" "NO" "NO"
No one can know when he/she will die and where he/she will die, therefore no one can beat
death if God’s will is saying that he/she will die at this time and this place.
Every thing is clear till now, and every thing is totally logic. let me get back to the
main sentence " I AM AFRAID TO DIE "...
if we look deeply in this sentence it is a matter of transferring from a situation to another
which means that .. now i am a live and i am eating and going out ..etc while the other end of
the situation is unknown.. no one died and came back and inform us what is happening there..
or how he is been treated there.. by instinct, our body is afraid from the unknown and specialy
if we were not on the right track in our life....so if we need to fight the root cause it would
be we should not be afraid of Death .. How any person will not be afraid of death, here another
question will appear..and the answer for this question is easier then the one before...
My answer to this question " How any person will not be afraid of death".. for me, i consider
my self lucky that i was muslim..what i did is i went back closer to my religion. I went back
to do the things that makes me closer to God and i wasn’t doing. I went back for prayers
i went back and assisted the needy people and elderly...i went back to do good things that
make me close to my God and take me away from the fear of facing Him...
When u search the internet for finding cure for your anxiety other then medicine,
what you will find, do yoga, meditation, go away from stress.. green tea ...etc..
what i really find in my religion whom i was away from is when i pray to God i do all these
i feel no stress ... i feel as if i am between the hands of God, nothing to worry about
nothing to be afraid from, nothing to hide from, u will feel relaxed, you will feel secured
you are between the hands of the creator, i do really thanks God on the blessings he gave to me
and to many others but i wasn’t aware of...when i wasn’t on the right track ...loosing
the road i was feeling pain and pain and being afraid from facing the after death..
but now and while i am on the right track going to the right destination. I am proud to say
that i am not afraid from death any more ...
i wish when u read all this u will follow the right track that will lead to the right