My Life

HI everyone. My name is Lisa and I have been dealing with panic attacks and anxiety since I was 21 years old. I am currently 39.

I had my very 1st panic attack while driving a very short distance. I started to hyperventilate. I didnt know what was happening or why. I went over to my Moms and she gave me a nerve pill and after about 45 minutes I was better. Well after that I started getting attacks on a more regular basis. Went to the ER several times, thought I was having heart attacks and such. My Dad was 35 when he died of a massive heart attack so I think in my mind that the same thing is gonna happen to me. Its like Im just waiting for it. (Forgot to mention that I am married with 4 children now. 2 of which are married, and 2 still at home)

Anyways, My husband and kids got to the point of frustration and anger because with these anxiety attacks I developed a fear of travel. I cannot drive alone out of town, and sometimes when we would try to go a distance even if my family was with me I would have a severe panick attack, start crying and beg my husband to turn around an go home. Over the years I know that has/had become very annoying. They did not understand what I was going through. They would tell me it was all in my head, but I knew that the fear was VERY REAL.

I have tried a number of medications over the years. Xanax was really the only thing that helped me when I first developed the disorder. The doctor thought I was getting addicted so he took me off them and put me on buspar. I didnt find they helped me much, so I went to another doctor. That doctor in turn put me on prozac and I got depressed on top of anxious. I just didnt care about the world or my life. I flushed those down the toilet and from then on I dont like taking any medications PERIOD! I still have panick attacks, still cant drive out of town alone, and still wake up in the middle of the night freaked out sometimes.

I decided that I DID NOT want to take medication on a daily basis because I hate drugs and think they are evil! But I found a drug that I can take when I start to feel anxious and within about 20-30 of taking the pill I am feeling relief. The drug is clonazepam. I know that most of the doctors I have seen told me that i need to take something on a regular basis so the medication can stay in my system, but having drugs in my body all the time is like an OCD. I dont like it. So I guess I have to suffer from it. Over the years I have learned what alot of my anxiousness comes from. The driving part probably stemmed from my 1st attack being while I was driving. The not taking pills part stemmed from the BAd experience I had with prozac. And the "always thinking Im gonna die of a heart attack" Comes from thinking Im gonna die like my Dad.

Anyways, my hubby used to be "not so understanding" about my panick attacks. But after all these years of him going through them with me, and all the different things we have tried. Including a $300 tape/book program on tv, which DID NOT work by the way, he is very glad that I found this website and SO am I ! Finally someone that I can talk to That Actually understands what I am going through. I always thought I might be losing my mind. I would say to myself, " I must be the only person in the world feeling this way."

I hope to make lots of friends here. I think this might be just the drug I need. I look forward to being a very active member here and a good ear to listen. God Bless you all and Merry Christmas.

KlonoWafer said:

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Hi Lisa,
I feel with you. 4 kids 2 still at home. I have panic attacks since I was about 20. I don't want to take drugs on a regular base. I have Xanax for emergencies. I would only take it if I would get a panic attack. I try to cope with the anxiety in between with tea, Valerian root, rescue remedy, breathing exercises or hot baths.
I took Klonopin for a long time and withdrew it. I always had Klonopin for emergencies but the pharmacy was not able to give them to me for the holidays because they need the doc to get in touch with the insurance and than get the OK for the prescription from the insurance. And I just had a new prescription since we moved from New Jersey to Texas. I hate the paperwork. Maybe I can trade in some Xanax for some Clonazepam, ha ha ha. Just joking.
Have a wonderful attack free 2009

Klono/Uli

December 31, 2008
Votes: +0

Reckals said:

	... Hey Lisa, welcome aboard! It's a tough journey, but one we can take on together. Keep your head up, we can beat this!
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January 02, 2009
Votes: +0

4Him said:

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Hi, Lisa,
We called them "nerve pills" at my house, too. Welcome to Panic Survivor. Some months ago something happened in my family that made my anxiety rise and along with it came the fear of traveling long distances...not too good since my youngest son's wedding was coming up and would be six hours away. I got through it through prayer and also taking a xanax so that I could get in the car. I stayed on xanax (1 in the morning) that weekend and when it came time to go home, it was easy. It just reminded me of how anxiety can distort many areas of our lives. After returning home, I stopped taking the xanax and life returned to our sense of normal. :o)