It all started around 6th grade. I went to a very small, private, christian school. My family didn't go to church, and didn't actually practice religous values, however we still called ourselves Catholic. My school required us to be taught about the Christian religion. Prayer was an everyday event, chapel (similar to church) occured every friday, bible was an actual subject, and we had to memorize scripture weekly. My teachers taught us what they believed, that people that weren't christians went to hell, that christians who didnt act christian went to hell, people that drank, smoked, swore, were gay, had abortions, did drugs, watched bad movies, listened to non-christian music, and in general did non-christian things were going to hell. And the one that hit me the hardest, Catholics were going to hell. I became so worried that my family and i were all going to hell to be tourtered forever and ever and ever. I started to panic, i became short of breathe, i felt dizzy, my chest hurt. Kids would taunt me, teachers wouldnt do anything. Some childrens parents wouldnt allow their kids to hang out with me, or they would push their kids to invite me to their non-denominational christian churches, some of the most extreme of all. I became trapped in one of them, i only went because i was scared that if i didnt i would go to hell. I became depressed.

Next, my teachers told us we were the generation that would witness the end of the world. Jesus would come back to the world, take up all the true christians and leave the rest on a failing earth. The devil or anti-christ would come into the dreams of everyone left on earth, he would ask us if we believed in God. If we said yes, he would cut off our heads and we would die. if we said no, he would brand us with 666 and we would go to hell. This is when my panic attacks increased. I couldnt sleep, because i feared that jesus would come back at night. Thunderstorms, rain, any loud sudden noises in general caused a panic attack because i thought it was the end of the world. During the summers is when it got the worst, because all i had was time to think about the worst possible things. I would stay up until 5 a.m, and i would sleep until 2 P.M. I cried every night and day wishing to just feel normal again, and have the right set of mind.

My sophomore year i turned to drugs. I came to school high on pills, i smoked weed, i drank on the weekends. I just wanted to kill the pain, get rid of the worry. I wanted to become numb.

Later on my panic attacks caused such horrible chest pains and short of breathe that i actually thought i was dying. All of a sudden i was getting an "appendicitus" or i had a "Kidney disease" Maybe my heart was beating irregularly. I was constently checking my pulse, trying to breathe normally. Thinking each day was my last.

I finally got over the shame i felt and talked to my family. They immediently got me help. We went to a natural doctor who gave me L-theanine, and other natural vitamins. Finally hope.

Each day was a tiny bit better. I had a special calcium drink that i would get every night that helped me calm down before bed and i could actually sleep without worry. Whenever i felt a panic attack coming on i would take an L-theanine and i would become more relaxed and stress free. Slowly but surely my panic attacks become more rare.

Now i am 17 years old and a senior in high school. I still get an occasional panic attack, but they arent as intense and i now know how to deal with them. My life went back to normal. No more abusing drugs, my grades are better, and i am looking at colleges. Religion is apart of my life, i still dont go to church, or attend any kind of religious function. but i have my own set of beliefs, they arent extreme, and i know my God loves me for who i am. And yes i make mistakes, but i am only human. Talking to someone is one of the first steps you can take, and for me it was the best. I am thankful each day that i got help. And i know that some day my panic attacks will cease to exsist, only with hope, encourage, and believing in oneself may i achieve such an accomplishment.

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Reckals said:

	... Great to hear everything got better! I feel you on the whole religion issue, I don't agree with a lot of the mainstream beliefs that work off fear, but...I'm not without faith. Keep your head up, you're a true inspiration!
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January 02, 2009
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4Him said:

	... I am so sorry you had such horrible experiences. You were very brave to speak out and get help. I'm glad to hear you are experiencing success in beating panic and I pray it continues.
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January 05, 2009
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a guest said:

... i understand what you are going through. a little over a year ago i would get panic attacks w/ the fear of going to hell. i am Catholic, and i went to church a lot thru my life, and still do, but we had a sermon about death that triggered my panic attacks. i felt that i had done something wrong and would go to hell. i take medicine now for the panic attacks and believe in God also which i think helps a lot. like you said, and i believe too, God loves you for who you are.

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January 21, 2009
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